I think I want to become a hermit.

[Rouge]

Well maybe that's slightly dramatic but sheesh. I'm not having much fun with "people" at the moment.

This month seems to be the month of awakening. I'm seeing all these characteristics in people I've never seen before. And I really don't like them. I really don't know how to deal with how I feel about it. A part of me just wants to tell everyone to rack off.

And the strangest thing of all, is that no one is actually hurting me directly its just really disappointing and quite ugly some of the traits I'm seeing in people whom up until recently I had an abundance of respect and admiration for.

It's made me start questioning admiration. And maybe that's why I don't like being admired because I have SOOOOOO many flaws. And I don't go into admiration not seeing flaws, I purposely find flaws in people (that sounds bad - but it's actually good) so that everyone is human, no one is idolised and I love everyone FLAWS and all.

But my problem is now, the flaws I'm seeing now would have most likely been deal breakers. And yes I do have a few. But dishonesty, manipulation, passive aggression, aggression, lack of understanding, b!tchiness, elitist behaviour, intellectual put downs and backstabbing are all deal breakers for me.

The thing that also baffles me is that often people who behave in this way think that everyone is oblivious to their misdemeanors. And for whatever reason I seem to always see them before others do. The most shocking thing for me has been that some of these people are good people, and are seen as such by many. And yet I see the way they treat others and I am utterly disgusted with their behaviour.

I am also not the type of person who lets things be or plays "happy families" and people have often said that I make it very apparent when I don't want to know someone LOL! But quite honestly deal breakers are deal breakers - I don't allow for excuses.

And as I said above I am far from perfect, and I'm sure people have seen me in a similar light given me the same disapproval. But that doesn't bother me. But then I think should I give them the benefit of the doubt. But often when I do that I get hurt. And this isn't about me sitting there scrutinizing everyone to pin point their down falls, but what do you do when personality traits make you feel ill to the point that you do not want to be around some people? Ultimately I think this all stems from my trust issues... I need to know WHAT I am dealing with and cannot cope when I feel I've known a person for x amount of time and suddenly that changes.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

It's OK to admire traits in people even when they're not perfect: idolising the person isn't so good. I like lots of things about some people but wouldn't want to buy into the whole package, IYSWIM.

As for the deal-breakers. I do find myself slowly distancing myself from some people because I don't like what they're doing. The people who gossip secrets. The mothers who do CIO on a tiny baby (well under 3m) and tell me all my problems stem from not doing the same. The people who defraud the system. The people who dislike others due to age or size (so bad at mothers' groups, I've found). I still see them, but not so much and it's in a group. And I'm polite, but not gushing.

Don't compromise your deal breakers, but I know that I exhibit less-than-desirable behaviour when I'm upset, so there could be a reason behind it. But don't let them off forever.

[C~Q]

It does seem strange that you're seeing all of these traits in people now. Do you think maybe it's something to do with what you're putting out there or thinking about yourself? I'm reading about balance in the universe at the moment and he (Dr Demartini) was saying that you attract things (people , emotions, actions) that will balance you. So maybe you're being overly forgiving or nice to someone/people at the moment?? And you're attracting these people to "balance" you out?

I'm still pretty new at all this and i'm not sure i'm even understanding it right at the moment, but it's a thought!

And I agree with Ryn, don't compromise your beliefs but I don't think you should cut them out ocmpletely, who knows if they are around you right now for a reason or vice versa

[thepixie]

Cai, I can sort of relate, I went through a similar period not long ago. A lot of it stemmed from a strange disagreement with my family that to this day I still do not understand. The whole thing is not resolved but the crisis is past and now I have just taken a step back from the people involved. Maybe you can do that too. I found that while it didn't make the actual problem better, it cleared my mind because I was able to give attention elsewhere, to entirely unrelated things and it just made my headspace more pleasant. Having said that I'm still not on full speaking terms with the family members involved and I have moments of feeling profoundly uncomfortable with it all. I know what you mean about trust, I find it very difficult to trust and when people show these characteristics it tends to really undermine the foundation of relationships. Sorry not to be any real help, all I can suggest is taking a step away from the relationships that are affected, enjoy the positive things in life and trust that time will make things clear, time will fix what needs fixing, and let everything else go to hell.
xxx

[Lulu]

Chicken - how old are you now? Just thinking - the Return of Saturn happens in your 28th year and that's usually a time for big upheavals, clarity or even doing weirdass stuff you wouldn't imagine.

xoxoxo

[widdly]

Cai - I am going through a similar phase right now and its not all that fun realising that people you looked up to are not all that and a bag of patato chips. I have no advice just letting you know I zm in the same boat and dont know what to make of it either