Do you feel guilty about asking others to babysit?

[Indadhanu]

ARGH! I know I shouldn't but I do!

For the next three weeks Shel and I are both working. I work Mon-Fri, and Shel works Friday and Saturday.

So we've asked SIL to look after Jazz 7.30am-3pm for the next three Friday's starting tomorrow.

I'm not worried. In fact I'm certain they'll all have a ball (SIL will have her three girls home as they've all finished school).

But I feel terrible for asking. I don't know why. Considering SIL has MIL come and stay two nights a week to look after her girls (get them ready for and take them too school two mornings a week, plus housework one day a week) so that SIL can work. She understands. And its not permanent, the only reason Shel is still working is because the place I work at shuts for four weeks from the 18th, so Shel will go back to working full-time for 4 weeks then quit, as we can't really go without an income for four weeks.

Anyway, SIL knows all this, and she's not said anything to make me feel guilty, she jumped at the chance to look after her. I guess I am just feeling like ARGH I shouldn't have to ask her you know. Although we've looked after each of her girls MANY times before now due to her work committments. Maybe it's because Jazz is just so young, plus I don't want SIL to have to deal with a Jazzy tanrum (these days they include hig-pitch screaming and headbutting of walls ).

Ahhh, I dunno! I don't know why I feel so bad about it... especially since she is dropping of her youngest when she drops Jazz off and I'll be looking after her until 4pm Saturday.

BAH! Hate having the guilts for no reason! It's all self-induced too! SIL is more than happy too. Does anyone else get the guilts for no reason???

[~mamaspice~]

Don't feel guilty, like you said your SIL is probably looking forward to it

I know what you mean though. I feel guilty too. My mum and aunt have babysat occasionally when Charli has been sick etc and it means a 1 our trip for them to our place so it's probably more the distance and them going out of their way that makes me feel bad.

I've never ever asked a friend to babysit though. Although some have offered, I do feel super guilty about that. And we probably shouldn't feel guilty at all.

[Junglemum]

i am exactly the same, i feel bad that someone might have to change a stinky runny nappy, or deal with a challenging 2 year old! I don't know why i do it either, but you're not alone!

[boomba]

Hun I feel awful asking anyone but my mum to watch DS, even though my Aunt begs to have him.

Try not to worry as hard as it is x

[C~Q]

Definatly! It's terrible and we shouldn't becuase I (and i'm sure all of you) would never mind being asked and would WANT to help out. But it doesn't make it easier does it!

I even feel guilty asking their Dad to babysit

[AliBaby]

I have had to call on a few friends to babysit for me for a couple of days as MIL has gone overseas for a month and I am still working. Even though I am looking after my friends little girl for 3 full days so she can work I still felt super guilty about asking her if she could look after my DD for me as well.

Silly that I feel that way as we both dont have any probs with it. But I do get what you mean

[squidipa]

you give and give and give, its o.k to except and take

i understand the guilt and that maybe jazz may have a bad day but kids are kids you cant be scared of that all ya life. Dont feel guilty i am sure it will be very valued time they will spend together and a precious memory created.

you were worried she would have a bad day here and she was excellent no fibs excellent

[shellbell3]

I don't feel so guilty about asking family for help for when I go to work but asking anyone to babysit for a night out or something I do feel so guilty about. For some reason I think I shouldn't be going out or something which is ridiculous of course we deserve nights out! I keep trying to tell myself that.

[Willow]

Yep, me too. Especially because I really only have MIL to help out so I hate asking her all the time. Lately I've only been asking if I'm desperate, everything else waits until DH is home or I get him to call her for me

[feeb]

Yep me!!!!!!!

DS has been looked after by my mum for 8 hrs while I went to work while DH was away overseas (well planned in advance so she could be off from work 2 and 1/2 hrs away from me)

And tomorrow will be 2nd time a friend of mine has watched DS while I go to my work Christmas night out as its same night as DH work night out.

I felt so guilty asking and now am trying to think of what to give her as a thank you (figured will spend more on her Christmas present than normally would)

so nope you are not alone.

[Bathsheba]

Yes i do. Based on things people have said like "when i was looking after your DD she did the WORST pooey nappy... I was sooo glad to see you coming up the drive that day!" And "when you were in labour and I was looking after your older 2 kids and they had gastro... O...M...G it was the worst night of my life" (said infront of several other friends). But these were from friends who either didn't have kids themselves at the time or still don't. I think your situation is different Leash From what you have said your SIL will not be as challenged by the reality of caring for children. Relax darl

[indie24]

I feel guilty asking my SIL to babsit my DD. Can't work out why seeing as I love babysitting her boys. I am working on not feeling guilty but it is hard

[Lolli]

I always feel bad, even though I know most of the time it's a pleasure for the grandparents and SIL.

CQueen, for what's it worth I feel bad when i ask my kid's dad to 'babysit' too- and we're a couple It get people teeling me how great he is when he takes care of them- hellloooo? he's their father, isn't that his job?

[SammyRo]

I don't feel so guilty about asking family for help for when I go to work but asking anyone to babysit for a night out or something I do feel so guilty about. For some reason I think I shouldn't be going out or something which is ridiculous of course we deserve nights out! I keep trying to tell myself that.

Yeah, I'm the same as Shellbell - I don't feel quilty if I need someone to have DD for a couple of hours for work stuff - quite often, I have to go out in the evenings before DH has got home from work, so either my parents or pil's have her. But because I get them to babysit for work stuff, I always feel like I've used up my quota and we rarely get them to have her so we can go out socially, unless its a special thing, like the hockey end of season dinner. We finally had a 'date' night last week, when we went to the movies, but its been months since we've been out just the 2 of us.

[cindyb]

I always feel terrible asking someone to mind the girls, unfortunately what that means for me though is that DP and I have not been out as a couple in nearly 12 months! We only realised this the other night, we have been really snippy at eachother lately and i am sure that if we had a chance to get to know eachother other thanat home with the girls around things might be different!

I have no idea why we all feel crappy about asking for sitters! Its really silly...... especially when you know that the kids will have a ball!!

[{sarah}]

It's dumb, I am happy to look after other people's kids but feel bad asking them to look after mine! I don't get it, but I'm trying to get past it.

[cindyb]

Sarah - absolutely! I LOVE having other peoples kids and would have anyones munchkins any time! But to ask someone to do the same- nope- far to hard to do!

[Bathsheba]

Last week there was a storm with lightening and rain right on school pickup time. A mum of my son's best friend in his class (who lives close) said to me once that if I ever needed her to drive him home she would be happy to. But when it came to ask (I don't drive) I almost turned inside out with embarrassment as I gave her a call and asked her. Of course she said it was fine but I spent the whole next half hour so stressed out. Was she secretly resenting me??? Was she thinking I was some nutter not having my license??? Was she wondering how she could avoid the phone next time it rains at school collection time???

When she arrived and dropped him off i gave her a gift that i had earmarked for a friend for Christmas... She said "Oh you shouldn't have" but my guilt drove me to it. I just can't handle the fact that my driving phobia inconveniences people. I think next time I'll catch a cab to do the round trip.