Planning on having 3 kids but now not sure?

[Salsa]

We had decided we wanted 3 kids but recently we are now wondering if we should stick with 2?
I guess I just want to hear from anyone else who decided on 3 but then stuck with 2 and for what reasons and how do you feel about it now?
I mostly seem to notice people happy with 2 end up having another later on....


Eta. I suppose i am wondering if anyone regretted having a third? or not having a third afterall?

[Willow]

Not sure if I'll be any help - I always wanted 3, but after m/c and IVF we thought we'd only manage 2. I was very sad about it but didn't think I had much of a choice, DH was adamant he didn't want to go through IVF again.

We were extremely blessed to fall prg very unexpectedly with #3 and we could NEVER regret that. I find it hard to imagine anyone could regret having a child, whether it's #1 or #6, but that's just my personal opinion.

2 just didn't feel like a complete family to me. I admit life was 'easier', a lot less chaotic but I wouldn't change it for anything.

I guess the magic number is different for everyone. I'm now finding myself day dreaming about #4 but that's very unlikely to happen. If 2 feels like it's right for you then I'd sit with it a while and see how you feel in a year or two. You can always change your mind!

[~Trish~]

I thought I'd see you in here Willow LOL!

I'm another who has just had number 3, there are definitely no regrets . I have to say though that it is SO much busier with three! Two is quite manageable and I didn't appreciate that until number three arrived . BUT I also wouldn't change it for the world. Three really does seem to make a family, an extra person to change the dynamics.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, you have to go with what you and your DH feel in the end. Good luck deciding!

[Arimeh]

Exactly what the other two said.

I didn't feel complete at 2 - so I guess its whether you feel complete when you look at your family, or if you sense something/someone missing from the family?

Although - I still feel that there is something missing from ours, but we're not going to have another one unfortunately

And I agree with Trish - its sooooo much busier with 3!!! lol

[sneakysparkle]

Oh no, I really wanted to hear "its not much busier at all with three!!" lol, I'm dreaming aren't I?

Sorry to hijack Salsa! I guess I'm in a similar position to you, we thought we'd have 3 or 4 but its pretty busy with 2! I think we're going to leave it a bit longer to decide. I'm happy having a little break

[*Ali*]

I have just been down the 2 or 3 road, really struggling with the decision whether to go for number 3. I had a big issue about age gaps, and didnt want there to be a big gap between DS and #3, I fel rushed and pressured and quite honestly I felt very very paniced. However, due to work, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE, I have decided to put having #3 on hold for a while- I need to finish my next 2 month contract before I can take more maternity leave.
Now I am much more relaxed about having #3, yes there will be over 3 years between DS and #3 , and nearly 5 years between DD and #3, when there is only 18 months between DD and DS, but at the end of the day what difference does that make- they will all be brothers and sisters, and will love each other regardles. DD will be at school fulltime by the time I have the next one, and DS should be toilet trained and much more independen, which I think will make life alot easier because having the first 2 close together was lots of work.

So I guess where I am coming from, is there is no rush to make a decision- enjoy having just 2 for a while, I think deep down you will know whether having #3 is right for your family or not. Some very wise once told me that you will never have enough money and there will never be a 'right' time to have a baby, but your heart always knows ! Good luck with making the decision.

[Jas]

Dh and I always said we would have 4 but now I am thinking maybe 3?? At first dh said he still wanted for but he is considering 3 now too. I am hoping this is something that will become an easy decision once we have a third but maybe not if it is not obvious for others??

I guess the things I think about are the work of having 4 and being more stretched time wise and less individual time with the kids and also the whole car thing and house and also one night last week we took the boys out to see cloudy with a chance of meatballs and then to dinner and it was so awesome I was 1 of 5 and Phil 1 or 3 but neither of our families really did things like that and I guess the more kids you have the harder things like that become logistically and financially. I guess at the end of the day though it can all be worked out one way or the other so you have to go with your heart of hearts??

If we have another boy I think I would most likely want to have another one because I have that real urge to have a little girl, If we had 4 boys I think that would be awesome and I don't think we would have a 5th

I think different ppl find different numbers of children difficult, a friend of mine kept trying to scare me with how difficult 2 kids is and while 1 is less work I find 2 pretty....easy isn't the word lol...maybe manageable? My mum says going from 1 to 2 qas easy and going from 3 to 4 was easy but she says child 3 and 5 were the hard ones, other people I know say child #2 the 3rd was easy and for me so far I would say child number1 was the hardest

[ladybird11]

I could have written Ali's post - and Arimeh's too.

We're going for number three in a few mths time - ish. I felt panicked about making the decision to keep a close age gap - but meh, number three will come sooner or later.

We feel three would complete the family just nicely - it is like someone is missing with only two.

[bon]

We were happy with two, but then we had a third and we very definite that three would be it, but then we had our fourth! I don't regret having more kids, but sometimes I do think about how much easier life in general would be if we had just stuck with two.

I think the thing is, you really need to feel ready to have another baby - if you are not sure whether you want another one, then that is your answer - for now. Who knows how you will feel in a few months/years? When I had my second baby, my first DD, I was happy with two kids - for now. Then I realised I did want to have another baby, and I felt ready for that challenge. When I gave birth to my second DD, I was definitely sure that three was enough - and in that moment, it was. Now we have four babies and it feels like enough. We are not going to have any more, and I am completely at ease with that. Believe me, there are days when I wish I had not had any children at all! But other days when I know that everything is as it should be.

[Salsa]

Thanks for the replies so far, but also hoping to hear from anyone who has decided not to go ahead with an extra one after all and how they feel about that. And why they decided not to have another (if they had already thought they would)....perhaps most people dont, perhaps most people just end up having more?

[Nat :D]

Hey Salsa,
I'm in the same boat as you. Trying to choose if we wanna have another baby. My DH is from a family of three kids, and I'm from 2kids. We have a 3 1/2yo DD and a gorgeous 8month old boy. We're no where close to ttc soon, but the topic has come up since it's time to sell all the baby stuff since it's taken over the spare room.
My DH and I have talked about it, we would dearly love another baby... but we're scared of the extra work, cleaning & costs like having to get a bigger car etc.
I know everyone who I've talked to says 'It's more work, but worth it' other friends have said they feel like their family is 'complete' now that they have their third.
I just don't know I think I would always be left wondering what if if we don't... you know what I mean?
I just wish we could make up our minds so I can reclaim my office which has turned into massive baby goods storage room

[BekZ]

Ditto to Willow, Trish and Arimeh.

For me 2 children are manageable but having the third seems so much more full on. I don't regret having the 3rd but I probably should have waited until DD2 was a bit older. 3 under 4 is full on.

I day dream about number 4 but that won't happen!!!

[Bathsheba]

Just want to re-iterate that life with 3 is MUCH busier than life with 2. I agree with Ali... take your time... is there a reason to rush the decision making process? Gaps are good BTW From my perspective.

[Curly]

Okay well we've decided to call it quits after this one. I'm pregnant with number 3 and we were always going to have 4.

I know it's not the same numbers as you (ie got 2, thinking of not going for 3) but maybe the principle is the same.

I honestly don't think I would cope happily with the extra one. I think I would be a stressed out mummy. DH and I never get time alone, our sleep is interrupted every night and we want the light at the end of the tunnel. I am getting to the stage where I want to be free of nappies and cots and daytime naps and high chairs. I want to move on to the next stage of life.

But mainly for me, I just physically do not want to be pregnant again. I'm finding this pregnancy very challenging physically (I am in pain every day now) and emotionally (scary 12 week ultrasound, amnio...all clear but I still need to see my baby to be sure she is okay). I don't want to go through labour again. This has been the main nail in the coffin so to speak...if I was coping fine with this pregnancy then I might feel differently.

Ultimately...I have had enough. I would have loved to have a brother for DS but there is no guarantee of a boy if we go back for 4. I love the idea of having another baby...we make some beautiful babies!...but for me the day to day reality is enough.

When we first started talking about stopping now we really felt sad, thought we were chickening out, talked about leaving a bigger gap...but the more we talked about it the more comfortable we have become with the idea. It has probably taken about 4 months of constant talking (like, every day) to get our heads around it.

It's a decision that grows organically I think...you need to think about it for a while and slowly realise your feelings.

[~me~]

Well...we started with one in our head then I thought can't have an only child (we are both from families of 6kids). I was lucky to get 2 My DH took a little convincing.
Came home with DS2 and was ready to go for number 3! I new had some convincing to do so I chipped away for 2yrs and he finally came around.
I didn't falter through the whole chipping away.
So number 3 is here and it's busy but in a great way!! We have 3yrs inbetween each so life is alot easier than say if I had 3 under 3
I wouldn't change it for the world....loving it, loving it, loving it
Funnily enough I feel like I could do 4...but definitely a NO, I was very fortunate that DH agreed to three, he is in love with his little Princess and Prince's as I am.
I know how fortunate I am in being able to choose how many I wanted, some couples have that taken away from them.

Good luck....

[Pandora]

we were always planning three, but are stopping at 2.
There are a few reasons but the main one is my health and the toll having big babies has taken on my body - i just dont think I can do it again.

We're both a little dissapointed to come to this decision, DH a bit more than me I think but ultimately i think its the best one for us.

[Bathsheba]

That was what has stopped us from going on to have more (my health)... i always used to say i wanted an "even number"of children 2/4/6. But it's funny when you have no other choice that you start to see the beauty in what you have

[Curly]

Just following on...if we were making our decisions based on emotions, we would have a football team. We love our babies and we would be fascinated to see what our genes would come up with numerous times. When I got pregnant with Number 3, there was still no question about Number 4. It has been as this pregnancy has progressed that the issue has come up.

But it's not just about that. There are practicalities. Money. Time. Quality of life. The more kids we have, the less of us there is to go around. Freedom - a baby does restrict your life and the life of its elder siblings. Sleep. Housing. Cars. Schooling. Social life. Holidays. Health. Your age and how old you will be when your child is X years old. Emotional capacity to cope. Your village or lack thereof. And your own needs, wants and dreams - for your own self as well as your children and what you want to provide for them. It's all very well to have a tiny, gorgeous, brand new scrap of humanity in your arms but if you can't parent it as confidently, competently, calmly and contentedly as you would like to then that isn't fair. Not to mention the curve balls that life throws at you anyway.

That was our train of thought and from that we came to the conclusion that 3 is our magic number. I do wonder if I will be haunted by the ghost of Number 4, so to speak, but I am worrying about that less as I become more sure of stopping at 3. DH hasn't got the snip yet, just in case...we are leaving the gate open for a while to let the decision settle, but once again, as we think about it more, I'm finding he is now openly telling people he's probably going to get the snip. It's not an instant decision, it's one that evolves, we have found.