How long did it take you to become really dedicated? And how do I do it?

[MrsFabuloso]

I have been trying for ages to lose some serious weight. At the moment I am at least 25kg's overweight. Actually considered obese. I feel horrible, ashamed of myself and where I am at right now. But no matter how many times I try, I just can't get into being healthy and doing what I need to to stay healthy. Like eating good, nutritios foods, exercising regularly, (the most important two for me at the moment). I have lost about 10kgs a while ago. But that was pre children. I wasn't a working mother of two children, I wasn't married....I had time to exercise, spare money to have a gym membership, time to create very healthy meals and prepare menus and things like that. TIme and motivation to dedicate to myself and my health. As well as better self esteem and and not being so overweight as I am now.
Now I am deprived of time. There are not enough hours in the day. People say to just make the time. How do I do that?? Unfortunately I don't have a time tree, just like I don't have a money tree...I can't go out and pick off an hour or two to do what ever else I haven't had time to fit into the day, lol!
So all of you time deprived, self esteem seeking, overweight and harried mummas who have managed to make time for yourselves, managed to prioritise YOU, how did you do it?
I have tried and tried, so many times. I lose the same 3-4kgs every time. I'm really struggling to do this. I know what I need to do to get there, but I just don't have the oomph, the staying power, the dedication. I really hate feeling like this, but I just don't know how to get there. I fatter than ever. I don't want to get any fatter than I am now. This is the weight I was when about 34wks pg with DS. We would like to try to have another baby soon, but I won't do it to myself if I am so overweight. I don't particularly enjoy being pg and to be pg and so overweight would feel horrible I would expect. How do I help myself, because I know noone else can do this for me!

[Inanna]

Big hugs honey...

Losing weight can be tough - & really it's mostly a mental thing I think.

I have struggled to lose extra weight since my pregnancy/birth with Imogen. I am one who packs it on during pregnancy but I've been lucky to shed it with conviction after each birth. I was on steroids before and during my pregnancy which really stuffed my body around...
So, I have lost some, put it on, lost again etc etc... Like many of us I am an emotional eater - and the stress I have had hasn't helped that.

Anyway come the 1st of January I pledged that by the same time next year the old me would be back! I've lost 6kgs since then & I am continuing to lose. I am completely focused and have really quenched my thirst for sweet things. I just don't crave it at all any more. I drink 2-3 litres of water a day, I am taking supplements, eating freely of salad veges & I have cut out all white food & am on a very low carb intake. I personally don't cope well with carbs - and I've found cutting them out has stopped the cravings. I have one day a week where I can have treat food & in all honesty it's hard to get through an ice cream now!

I am a size 14 & am usually a size 10. I can notice a big change with the loss of the 6 ish kgs... That has really provided the impetus I needed to continue I think.

I write down my intake each day - I now look forward to weigh in day on Sundays! I walk daily & do yoga... When I get to a size 12 I have a treat planned at a day spa! Size 10 I guess will be new clothes!

You can do it honey... Make a date. Stick to it and begin the journey. Knowing that in another 3-6 months you will have reached your goal weight & will feel happier about your body image...

[*Ali*]

For me it was about making me the priority- I had to stop feeling guilty about the time I needed to spend excercising.
Because like most busy mum's nighttime is horrendous, I usually have 2 over tired, hungry and irratble children, I am out of bed at 5:30 in the morning, and I train with my PT 2-3 times a week and the other days I walk. As for the money I need to pay for my PT I have to make sacrifices else where, but it is about priority- what is the cost of my health both physical and mental, and what is the cost of my happiness.
As for food, I make myself a list of breakfast foods, lunch foods, snack foods and there calorie count, and then briefly each night before I go to bed I plan my food for the next day, all bar dinner- which I eat with the rest of the family, just in smaller quantities and mostly without carbs. I find that if I stick to a few basics foods I am pretty good, I know the calorie count, and I know the portion size etc.
The last thing for me and the biggest thing was giving myself permission to do it, saying that it was ok to take some time for myself, it was ok to spend some money on myself, and it was ok to admitt that I was unhappy, unfit, unhealthy, and it was ok because I was actually doing something about it.

I think the first step is to set yourself a plan and stick to it, dont say your going to excercise 5 times a week if you know you can't commit to it- if realistically you know that you are only going to be able to walk for 30 mins 3 x per week, then write it down, but commit to it. It does take some getting used to, but once you have been doing it for a while, it really will just become habit.

Good luck with it all, i hope you find something that works for you, and I hope you find the place inside yourself that says it is OK for you to spend some of your time, energy and focus on yourself

[anney]

I have never read it myself but what about taking a look at that clothesline diet? I just remember it was "the thing" some years ago as the lady is a mum who could not get out of the house so she exercised around the clothesline. Might give you a few hints. good luck.
ETA - I just remembered my next door neighbour had 3 kids and her and a friend would walk 2 nights a week. - around 7.30 or 8pm I think and leave DH to do the bed thing if the kids were not in bed. It was motivating for them as they had made the committment to each other so could not make up an excuse. Not sure if you DH is home but maybe he could do that a few nights a week?

[MrsFabuloso]

Innana, thankyou for your faith in me, I wish I had that same faith in myself. Your faith in me actually brought tears to my eyes, lol....(af is here, so it's probably hormones, haha!!) That's half my problem, my self belief. I don't have half the stressors some people have in their lives and I just can't seem to get myself together. I am a lucky woman, with two healthy and perfect children, a wonderful, helpful (well mostly!) hubby. A home, job, enough money to get what's necessary. I try to focus on that. But I can't find the determination I need to do and get what I want...

Ali, I don't necessarily feel guily when I do have time for myself. I give DH time for him, so time for me is only fair. But it's making sure I do something constructive with that time. And trying to make it a regular thing. At the moment it's not, and really it can't ever be. DH works shift work, so every week it's different. This week it has been two 12pm-12am shifts, then two 6pm-6am shifts. The kids haven't been sleeping well, well DS hasn't. Time to myself usually includes me doing something like trying to get an hours extra sleep, having the house to myself for an hour or two to clean or cook in peace....I know not really me time, but that's how it is.

Thankyou both for your experiences.

I know I have to MAKE time to do this, but where do I cut time from?? My kids wake at the crack of dawn, 5.30am most days, I just couldn't wake any earlier. I go out of my mind with sleeplessness as it is. I work 4 hours every day, in the middle of the day which is a pita, because then it means that I miss out on the time both my kids sleep which would be an ideal 1 1/2hrs to focus on me. But they sleep whilst at my mums or childcare.
The kids do go to bed early-ish, usually both are in bed by 7.30pm, 8 at the latest. But DH won't let me go out in the dark on my own, so if they are both sleeping by 7.30 I have half an hour to go for a walk or (I'm trying to get into the c25k) a run. But if they go to bed that little bit later, it starts getting dark by 8pm here most nights. So though it would be light when I left it would be dark when I got back, and we live in a high crime area. And that's only in summer, in winter it's dark by 6pm at the absolute latest. Plus I can only do it when DH is home. If he's working nights that idea is out of the window. We have a wii, but it's broken. We don't have the $100+ it will cost to fix it at the moment, nor do we have the $$ to get the exercise games at the mo. I'm trying to save it up, but something more important has been popping up for the last few weeks and taking that money.
It sounds like all I have is sooo many excuses. I suppose I do. I have a skipping rope I could use. I really hate it but if I really want to lose weight I guess I will have to use it. I hate doing stuff like that at home, like doing sit ups and things too. So doesn't turn me on!
I would love to be able to use a gym, have a membership again. I actually do enjoy the gym and classes. Or swimming, or a yoga/pilates class. Same with Weight watchers, that's how I lost weight before. It works well for me. But again no spare money. Money sucks. I know not the be all and end all, but it would really help! And I don't have regular days I could do classes like that either, with DH's work routine.
Think I need to talk to DH how I can do this. Again.

ETA, Annie, I have heard a bit about the clothes line thing. I unfortunately don't have a backyard. I live in a unit. I also don't really ahve anyone to walk with. I don't really know much else about it though....and I bf DS to sleep too, and won't let DH put him to bed. Only I can put him to bed at night .

[krysalyss]

Hey there. Firstly, it will get easier once the kids get older. Don't feel like it will be this hard for ever. Instead of trying to do all of the things you 'know you should' try just changing one thing. I would recommend finding one form of exercise you really like. Would your DH look after them on a regular night/s so you can join a sporting team? Otherwise incidental exercise could be the key for you. Here are some other ways to increase your exercise during the day:
1. Check out your local library for exercise DVDs - they give you a really good workout that you can do at home, at night, for free
2. Get yourself a bike. You can get a kids seat for the front and one for the back. It is great exercise and good for the environment.
3. Encourage yourself to really actively play with the kids. Crawling, jumping etc all take lots of energy - Wiggles DVDs are surprisingly good too
4. Get the kids to the park and climb around on the equipment too. We have a great 'spiderweb' at our local park and it is really good for your arms and legs. Some parks also have 'trains' where you need to pedal them around.
5. Put on some music and just dance around with the kids. Makes you feel good too.
6. Get a pedometer. It tells you how many steps you do each day and what to aim for. Using it means you are more likely to walk on the spot while you are watching tv or walk up and down the hallway when using the phone. Also encourages you to go for a walk etc.
7. Plan outings for the kids that wil encourage activity like the park, the science centre, the botanic gardens, museum. It doesn't have to be expensive - kids even just love to run around on the grass. But whenever you find yourself just watching them play, kick yourself up the bum and get involved.

Hope this helps. You can do it!

[anney]

Lilias, they don't sound like "excuses", they sound like real reasons why exercise is difficult. I only have one child and work part time and a DH who's hours are unreliable and I did not get to exercise until dd was about 5. Luckily, as the pp poster says, I do "incidental" exercise ie. I get off the train one station early on the way to work so get 15 minutes walk each way. Could you do something on your way to or from work?
I also used to take DD to the park and we would do some running or walking when she was old enough.
If you can't do exercise maybe look at diet. Could you buy the latest WW cookbook and try some recipes from there?? I had a sneak peak at it the other day and it looks great.

[MrsFabuloso]

Kryss, I thought I might see you here Unfortunately we don't have a working DVD/video player at the moment and again no $$ to repair the one we have, so using DVD'S is out at the mo. I might be able to get DH to download some on the puter tho.....?
A bike is a great idea, and my brother has two he might give me one of his, but I would be petrified of having my kids on it with me. I'm kinda accident prone on them and would never forgive myself if I fell and had one of the kids on it with me, let alone both of them! So again time would be limited to when ever DH is home.
I can play actively and dance with the kids, no excuses there, except for being lazy! When I have a cd on for them, I usually take time for me, sit for a while, take a breather and have a few bickies cup of tea, lol!
I usually do run around with the kids at the park or where ever. We go to the pools or beach regularly too. I will swim, climb up the frames and stuff with them, go on the swings, generally be a big kid with them. I try to go once or twice a week, but will only go when DH is with me, because I have anxiety issues with taking them to open spaes/places with roads nearby by myself. I'm scared they will run off in different directions (which they do, they're both runners!) and one will get squished or lost or something. But I don't sit and watch them. I have to be close to at least one of them and be able to reach out and touch them or I don't feel safe, lol! So sitting is not an option! But again, time limited for us cause I need someone with me, preferably DH.

Anney, I try to take the opportunity to do incidental exercise, though I must admit, lately in the heat we have been having in Syd I have been really lazy. I do try to take an extra 5-10mins t walk to my car from work, but I can't take too much extra time because I have to pick up the kids from childcare/mums. I've been making a bit of effort to try to wash my floors on my hands and knees rather than mop, sweep the tiles every day, I let the kids go up and extra flight of stairs to the top floor of our units and go up to get them...not much but little bits count too.

[*Ali*]

Is there a chance to do 30 mins after you finish work, before picking up the kids? Even if it means a power walk around the park? What about trying to borrow some sort of excercise equipment, cross trainer/ excercise bike- so many people have unused pieces of excercise equipment hiding in their house (although I remember reading you live in a unit and might not have space).
Do you have a double pram? Maybe you could take the kids for a walk in the morning when they wake up, I sometimes do this, they eat their toast as we are walking.

I hope you find something that works for you, I know how frustrating it is wanting to make the change and not having the time or facilities to be able to do that. You sound determined though, so I am sure you will find something that works.

It really is tough finding something that works for you.

[Mak]

Lilias it is really hard. I struggle with losing weight too but also have decided I am going to eat like my thin friends (nothing silly just stop when I am full and make good choices) - I have generally always exercised but still had issues - so food is really my problem. So no more eating without realising here and snacking on whole packs of bikkies etc. I have chucked the lot and am hoping to remain strong. Lots of fruit, vege and watching my portions plus heaps of water. I have lost 7kg since the end of November and am hoping to keep it up. I also try and push the kids in the pram for an hour a day when I am home - it is ~45kg worth of load too!
You can do this! xx

[MrsFabuloso]

Ali, I can't really do exercise after work while the kids are at CC. We use occaisional care, and are trying to use it as little as possible, just to minimise costs. I know it's only half an hour, but I'd probably have to actually book an extra hour because I can't book in 15min increments. I would need time to change and then get to or from where I needed to go, so it would be 30 mins or 1hr, kwim? But on the days DH has the kids I could do it that way, if it's not too hot. We've been having lots of 35+ degree days. I don't cope with the heat so well!
I would love an exercise bike or something, and my mum actually has a bike she very rarely uses, but yep, we live in a 3rd floor 2br unit. So besides the fact it would probablybe a pain to actually get up here (no lift!) we have no spare space, what with two kids and no storage!
No double pram. DD usually walks everywhere now. So to go for a walk with her would be a terrible
s l o w process! I could take one kid in a pram (great resistence!!), but still need someone to look after the other!

Mak, I'm thinking I might need to really concerntrate on my eating too. Exercise isn't my problem, well not if I could find time to do it, lol!! So it is a problem, but not cause I don't actually enjoy doing it! But since time and other circumstances don't allow me to do exercise I need to really watch what I eat. And that is a big part of my issues anyway. I need to control my eating regardless of if I manage to sort my time and stuff out to exercise, kwim?? Re-reading, that all sounds confusing, lol! In other words no matter whether I manage to exercise and lose weight, I need to learn to eat healthy, appropriate foods and have a healthful diet! Not eat just because I'm not putting on weight or I'm losing weight!

Today I have been eating well. DH is working night shift again, so no purposeful exercise today, though I plan on sweeping, mopping and scrubbing the bathroom, just to get exercise! Mind you it all needs it too, so that's a good thing, lol! Hopefully I can make the mental changes I need to. I'm really going to try. I really need to do this. I can't be this overweight anymore.

[Mak]

Well done yesterday Lilias! I certainly do not have it all sorted but am trying hard to keep at things, so a lifestyle change as such (as corny as it sounds). I love food and eating! I have always done the exercise to manage it angle and like you have found it near impossible to find the time (or for me the motivation, sleep is in short supply here), so this has to be it. I guess too I am hopeful I won't be on the never ending rollercoaster of up and down. Keep it up - every good day/choice is one step closer (at least that is what I keep telling myself)!