Controlled Crying/Comforting: Did You Do It & Did It Work Out For You?

[BellyBelly]

Thought I would do a poll to see who on BB had tried controlled crying/controlled comforting and if it worked out for you.

If you're not sure about the definition of controlled crying, please clarify here first to make the poll accurate:

Controlled Crying, Controlled Comforting or Sleep Training

Other BB articles on Controlled Crying/Comforting/Sleep Training:

Controlled Crying: The Con Of Controlled Crying
Babies and Sleep

[queenh]

Nothing like another article to make parents feel guilty! I have tried a mixture of controlled crying and staying in the room and comforting the girls, when in the room (I have 12mth old twins) my girls think it is play time and will not go to sleep. I read the article and in view there has been no research either way for either argument, what are we supposed to do? I don't want my babies to think they are not loved or won't be comforted, but then I do not have the energy to sit in their room with them for hours on end trying to get them to sleep. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! And what about all the children who in the past had controlled crying used on them? Do we have generations of people irreversibly damaged due to controlled crying? There is only so much you can do with the circumstances you have and people should not feel guilty for trying the best they can with what they've got. I think there are too high expectations on parents these days to prevent so many if, buts and what ifs. In 20yrs from now we will probably be told to use controlled crying again, everything goes on swings and roundabouts basically. I am having an early childhood nurse come and guide me though everything because knowing exactly what do is all too confusing!

[sunshine_sieben]

I voted that I have never tried it. This is only partially true. I have never stuck to a CC routine. But I have on a couple of occasions left my babies to cry. Of course, when you're sitting on the toilet with a tummy bug, there is not a whole lot you can do about it. But this is not what I mean.
DD went through a horrible time with sleeping. For the first 6 months, I was NEVER able to rock her to sleep, then put her down. No matter how fast asleep she was, the transfer ALWAYS woke her up. She always wanted to sleep on her belly, but I was not game enough to let her. The first 3 months, she had ALL of her sleeps either next to me (falling asleep on the breast) or in the Hug A Bub. After she was 3 months old, I managed to sneak away once she was fast asleep. However, this often took close to 2 hours. By 6 months, I wanted to change things. But there was no way she even wanted to lie in her cot or on the bed for a minute. I did for a night or two try to pat her to comfort her, but she was beside herself the minute her back touched the mattress. I just coudln't do it. She was distraught, i was in tears and DH was getting very worked up. The longest I ever let her cry (with me patting, rubbing her back, singing, being right there) was about 10 minutes. I gave up after that and went back to feeding her to sleep. It wasn't worth it for me.
However, I did have to sort of use control crying in the car. She HATED the car from about 2 weeks onwards. It was absolute horror. But there was nothing I could do about it. It's not like I could rock her or anything. All I could do was to limit or rather eliminate car trips. But that made me horribly stuck in the house. I was getting very down and with a history of depression, I was scared of developing PND if I didn't get out more. So I did regular car trips, but not long ones. It still took 6 months for her to stop screaming in her seat. And when I say screaming, I mean at the tops of her lungs to the point I was worried she'd have permanent damage from it. She used to get bright red or purple in the face, very hot and almost get to the point of vomiting. It was horrible. Once we were stuck in traffic after a car accident. It took us almost 2 hours to get home. She screamed the whole time.
Seeing that it still took her 6 monthts to accept the car, I don't believe CC would have worked on DD.

With DS, I have been very lucky. He is much easier to get to sleep. He also sleeps better on his belly. I am aware of the risks, but I have made a decision to let him sleep on his belly. This made a huuuuge difference. I do not advocate doing it. But it is what I have done.
He also went through a stage of not liking the car. But it only lasted a few weeks in which I just didn't make big trips. Now he's usually ok for about an hour. Long trips are more challenging, but who can blame him? Fortunately we don't need to do long trips very often. And when we do, we take our time and take breaks.
However, he also has had a few periods of unsettledness (I know, not really a word). On one or two such days, being very sleep deprived and about to lose my marbles, I have put him in the cot and walked out for a few minutes to re-gather myself. This is not CC but I had to do it as I was getting quite agitated and angry at him. I had to remove myself from the situation and remind myself, that he is only a baby and he's not out to get me.

[toomanyshoes]

I was unsure what to vote for because while we did use CC for DS, we didn’t for DD.

I also don’t think we were as strict as the official controlled crying technique, IYKWIM?

With DS it was pretty easy to tell what was I need something cries and just crying for the sake of crying. It also only took about 2 weeks for it to start working and he would fall asleep no worries. But we also started swaddling in that time as well, which is what I think had the most impact.

DD was completely different, she was crying non stop because of the pain, we had so much trouble feeding her, getting her to sleep, stay asleep, keep her feeds down. She ended up co sleeping for the first 6-9mths (not every night after 6mths), I also started using a sling for the first time because she was so uncomfortable laying down.

So I voted yes and had a little success, because I think it helped with DS but I think the swaddling was the major factor!

[Livinthedream]

I did it when my bub was about 4 months old. It worked within a day or so, but my bubs isnt very stubborn, and he thrives on routine.
However, I did the hard core, bubs in a room, shut the door and leave him be method. I found me going in and out just kept getting him wound up when I walked out.
He is now a stellar sleeper, I rarely hear a peep out of him and he is generally asleep within 5-10mins of me putting in his cot.
I dont regret it, and I dont think I have damaged him for life.

(Let me add, by the time I did this, I already had HIS tired signs figured out, back arching, high pitched whine and thumb suck )

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I've never tried it. I read recently (in a book called The Birth Wars I think) that the inventor of CC, Christopher Green, actually recanted and now doesn't recommend CC at all.

[Fleur]

We went to a 'sleep school' with DS2 where they taught CC.
I voted 'had no success' but TBH it might have been because it just didn't feel right & I really had trouble coping with it - maybe I didn't do it for enough nights? but then, for me, that still counts as not working. If it's not something that I can do, it's not gonna work IYKWIM?
He was 14 months old when we did the sleep school & didn't really settle well on his own at night until he was closer to 2.

[Tiff+2]

I did the 'controlled cyring' thing with DD and my sanity returned! I had always held DD to sleep and when she hit about 5 months old it suddenly turned to fighting her in my arms to sleep, if I put her straight into her cot she just cryed and I could stand it so I try to hold her close and tight and pat her to sleep... I soon got over fighting every single nap time! Then it went to feeding to sleep in which case I was spending a lot of my time laying on my bed with her on my boob and when ever I'd try to leave she'd have a cry so I'd put the boob back in her mouth and stay there for a while longer. There were a lot of things going on with my body still from the birth so having this on top as well as having DD tearing apart my nippes everytime she fed I got horribly depressed. I just wasn't coping with it all and knew something had to change. I went to see my Community Nurse who gave me a referal to Tracilian. I had previously spoke (cried) to them on their hotline and agreed it was the best thing for me, only prob was it was about 6-8 weeks before I could get in, therefore I really didn't know how I was going to get through this time. My mum is so supportive and helpful, I told her what was going on and she was there that weekend. In just one weekend we did the controlled crying thing (it was more mum had to controll my crying!) and it really didn't take DD long to settle down and get herself off to sleep. I felt like a new person just after a few days.
It wasn't something I could have done on my own... I had red and Tresilian had told me to not allow her to get 'too upset' and I had no idea when that line was cross so I was far too scared to try! My mum sat with me calming me down as I cried tear for tear on that first day with DD 'self settling' by the next day it didn't take as long so I felt a lot better.
I am so thankful I did it and would recommend anyone try controlled crying, but I know a lot of people disagree with it all, but I see that I am a much better mother for having done it. A depressed mother who just is over it all doesn't help anybody!

So thats my story and I voted yes it worked very well for us!

[BekZ]

We did cc with DD1 (I actually didn't even know there was any other way) and I must say from 4 months old she has been a fantastic sleeper. BTW the actual sleep training took less than a week and she never cried for long or to the point where she was too upset. In saying this she is a very routine child and I could predict to the minute when she needed a feed (bottle feed) and when she needed a sleep etc. I felt very in tune with my DD1.

Then DD2 came along and she was different. She didn't subscribe to cc. We tried with her up she got too upset and so did I. Then at around 7 months my DH and I were worn out with her not settling so we tried CC (actually my DH did it) for her day sleeps only. We set up a strict going to bed routine and within 2 days she was self settling, mostly without tears. From this point on DD has been a very good sleeper and goes to bed no probs.

Now DD3 is absolutely different again and we have tried cc on a couple of occasions but I just can't handle it and she gets distraught as soon as she goes near her cot. I know she needs more assistance and cuddles, but I also know that I want her to sleep in her cot so we have a plan and for now it is getting better. I believe that she'll get to the point of liking her cot (which she already is after a week of putting her in there for play and wind down). We may need to do a bit of cc down the track but I'll play it by ear.

I felt that I needed to do cc for my own sanity. Having no sleep and spending hours and hours on end trying to get a baby to sleep can be spirit breaking. In the end I need to be a mum with energy so that I can be there for all of my kids.

Summing up, I think cc has a place.

[Neili3]

I never thought I would be one to try self-settling, but at nearly 7 months old we have got to the stage where DS was suddenly having ALOT of trouble sleeping, and we were up sometimes 5 - 6 times a night or every hour (which is just not practical, and extremely exhausting)!

DS used to sleep from 8pm to 8am every night until about 5 - 6 months old when he started getting teeth. He also got his first cold around the same time, and I think we did a lot of 'accidental parenting' such as feeding him to sleep, putting him in bed with us, rocking him to sleep etc.... because we were just so worried about him and didn't want him to be sick or in pain. Previously I would put him in his cot and walk out, and 95% of the time he would go straight to sleep, which was pretty much the way it had been since he was born.

The thought of letting my newborn baby cry has always absolutely killed me inside.... but at nearly 7 months of age I feel he is older and needs to learn to sleep!
After only 2 days of self settling... I have a completely different baby! Some people say you should wait 12 minutes before going into his room at his age, but I could never do that to him. I have only ever left him for 5 minutes at a time, and then go in to reassure him and calm him down, but do not remove him from the cot while doing this. Previously me and hubby would rush in as soon as he would first stir, pick him up, and it was a real fight to get him to go off to sleep.

After only two days he is sooooo much happier.... back to his usual happy baby self, and has been sleeping through the night again, I have only been getting up once for a dream feed at around 11pm (which the MCHN said I should still be doing up until around 8 - 9 months of age).

It has made a real difference for us.... but I have adjusted the level of self settling to what I feel comfortable with, I could never let my baby cry for 45 min until he fell asleep, I just couldn't do it, 5 min is hard enough and feels like forever.... but I know in the end I am doing it for him and he is a much happier baby again now he is actually getting some real sleep!

[Diamond Girl]

I voted that I never tried it, but Ive been lucky to get 2 really good sleepers. From birth I put them in the cot, and they would put themselves to sleep. Obviously there were many times they would need to be rocked to sleep, but by the time they were 7-8 weeks old they slept through the night from 8pm-7am.

As a result of this method, I have never needed to use controlled crying because my 2 learnt to sleep by themselves from early on. This is not to say that they dont ever wake in the night, because they do, and I do enjoy brining them into our bed to co-sleep when this happens.

I would only ever try CC as a last resort, if absolutely no other method worked. However I could NEVER let my baby cry for 45minutes. Everyone should do what they are comfortable with and most importantly what they feel works for them and their baby.

[Tamara101]

i was not too sure about the cc method the first time i tried it. the ideaof leaving my little one to cry, feeling alone and unloved, made me feel an emotion i cant even describe.

so i tried the cc method without the crying. i know that makes no sense. but as soon as he started crying i would hold him and give him kisses and whisper to him. then put him down. then repeat. soon he realised i was not going anywhere. so when he cried i would rub his head and give him a kiss instead. then i would slowly move a step back at a time. each time he opened his eye he was comforted knowing i was there. it wasnt easy. if he got too histerical i would have to go back to the start and hold him till he settled down.

btu it was all worth it because now as soon as i see his tired signs, i out him in his cot and he goes straight to sleep. sometimes with a little smile first.

i like to think it is more about controled sleeping. the feeling they they are safe sleeping. they have that trust in you even if they arent sure if you are there.

i will admit when he wakes up in the early morning i take him to bed with me. I too like a good cuddle. and i cant stay awake feeding him, and it is so easy to fall asleep breast feeding!!!

dot feel bad if it doesnt work for you. there is no point if it causes more harm than good because your health and sanity is just as important as your childs!

[misty]

I have attempted CC with all three of my kids. Worked fabulously with DD and DS2. DD was such an unhappy, crying baby that she would cry regardless of whether I put her down or held her (she got in bad habits due to bad reflux in the first six months), in the end I had to put her down and let her cry herself to sleep for my own sanity.

But with DS1, it actually made things worse. He is still a bad sleeper at 2.5yrs, and we get up numerous times throughout the night with him, whilst the baby now sleep through. I was very hesitant trying cc with DS2 after the experience with DS1, but after some terrific advice from another BB member I gave it a shot, and the past couple of weeks have been great (I am actually getting some sleep and bubs no longer needs me to hold him while he sleeps).

My point is simply 'what works for some, may not work for all'.

[MummaSue]

My best friend did it with her little man - and she keeps trying to push me to do it too. I won't.

Anyway - she always goes on about what a beautiful sleeper she has which is fab - BUT she let slip the other day that he is a very sensitive little man, who cries at the drop of a hat and cries when someone else is crying. Hmm......... she hasn't made the connection - and ok, there may not be one but it's too coincidental for me.

Sue x

[allycat06]

Nope never tried it and will hopefully never need to. DS has never been a great sleeper but we work around it.

[trishalishous]

My best friend did it with her little man - and she keeps trying to push me to do it too. I won't.

Anyway - she always goes on about what a beautiful sleeper she has which is fab - BUT she let slip the other day that he is a very sensitive little man, who cries at the drop of a hat and cries when someone else is crying. Hmm......... she hasn't made the connection - and ok, there may not be one but it's too coincidental for me.

Sue x

same with my neices. my sister did CC and at 4.5 they have her up at least 3times a night with nightmare, bedtime is horrible as they get anxious and scared.
she has started co-sleeping in an attempt to get rest.
we would never consider anything like this- DH even pulls over to give DD a cuddle if she cries on a 5 min car trip!

[trishalishous]

My best friend did it with her little man - and she keeps trying to push me to do it too. I won't.

Anyway - she always goes on about what a beautiful sleeper she has which is fab - BUT she let slip the other day that he is a very sensitive little man, who cries at the drop of a hat and cries when someone else is crying. Hmm......... she hasn't made the connection - and ok, there may not be one but it's too coincidental for me.

Sue x

same with my neices. my sister did CC and at 4.5 they have her up at least 3times a night with nightmare, bedtime is horrible as they get anxious and scared.
she has started co-sleeping in an attempt to get rest.
we would never consider anything like this- DH even pulls over to give DD a cuddle if she cries on a 5 min car trip!

[Maruschke]

CC was a life saver for us, worked in TWO NIGHTS where everything else had failed dismally. DD1 started sleeping through the night, without tears, and my sanity returned . All kids and parents are different, works for some and not for others...