Now I'm scared about long day care!!

[~Kaz~]

I'm going back to work three days a week in a couple of months. We have no family within cooee so DS will go into long day care. I've checked the place out ages ago and I'm really happy with it. 9 kids, three carers (in the under 2 years room), one of them an RN yadda yadda yadda. I could go on but won't. I'm really happy with the centre and think that it will be largely good for DS on lots of levels. I was also feeling ok about leaving him. It's not ideal and I don't want to return to work but it's a necessity and I wasn't expecting it to be too difficult (I have rarely spent more than an hour or two away from DS his whole life and he is almost always left with DP. I've never left him at night before. That could go both ways in terms of my response to leaving him but I really believe it's time for me to start having a life that is slightly seperate to him).

Anyway that's all fine until last night. I went out to dinner with some girlfriends. DS was b'feed and down, asleep in his cot when I left. It was about an hour earlier than his latest 'routine' and I was a bit surprised he went down but was relaxed when I went out. I had a fantastic night and only thought of him briefly a couple of times when the other mums wondered how their kids were going or got phone calls from home etc. He woke about 30mins after I'd left & would not settle for DP at all. He didn't cry the whole time but needed constant interaction and did cry the minute DP tried to put him down. I should say that DP is excellent at settling DS, often better than me in the evenings when the issue is not a feed (I just keep trying to feed him and get frustrated when that's not what he wants ) DH didn't call because he wanted me to have a good night. Anyway, DS fed and then slept when I got home. Then DS woke every 2 hours to feed for the rest of the night. In the past 2 hourly waking has been associated with teething or extremely hot nights. It was cool here last night. He's not teething. I tried cuddling him etc but each time he just wanted to feed. They weren't big feeds, quite small really so I think it was more comfort. It seems like because I was gone for 3.5 hours (of which he slept the first 30mins) he wanted/needed to keep checking I was here and that feeds were available.

Do you think I'm reading too much into his behaviour? Could it be coincidence?

So now I'm scared about leaving him in care. I'm sure it will be a bit different as it's during the day and he'll have heaps of distraction and things to do but what will I do if he then wants to feed all night to make up for my day absence? How will I function? My biggest concern before this was how I was going to function on broken sleep back at work. I really need to be mentally on the ball in my job. It's potentially dangerous for me if I'm not. I had been thinking of trying to night wean him in a month (when almost 12 months old) but now I'm not sure if that will work. I suspect he may still wake up for comfort and attempt to feed and it may just be quicker to keep feeding him back to sleep.

Any experience/advice/suggestions greatly appreciated.

[Just Me]

Hi Kaz

I don't know much about day care, but the issues you described could be for a variety of reasons, not just because you left him. If he was waking every couple of hours, could it be possible that he was having a growth spurt or if he woke and fed earlier last night than normal, could he have been snack feeding because he never fed properly or like he normally does.

I have found with all my kids that sometimes when they go to sleep earlier than their usual routine it can lead to an unsettled night - maybe because they get kind of overtired working themselves up, maybe because they don't feed properly, maybe because their teeth are hurting them, maybe because he is showing the early signs of getting sick, I don't know.

I would suggest waiting and seeing if his behaviour persists past last night and today and if he settles down into a routine, maybe try leaving him again for a couple of hours and see how he goes. If it doesn't settle down today or tomorrow, I would be looking for a possible underlying cause - like teeth or being sick.

I assume that you will be leaving him during the day - this is a different playing field again to leaving him at night time. He will be around 12 months by the time you send him to daycare which means he should be a little more easily engaged in all the things going on around him.

If you are really worried about leaving him, maybe take him in a couple of times and stay with him to help him get used to it and then try leaving him for an hour or two at a time before you have to leave him for a whole day. That might ease him into it and flag up any issues that might come up so you have time to deal with them before you go back to work.

Good luck with everything - I hope your DS settles down today and lets you have a bit of a rest - sounds like you might need it

[Epacris]

Yeah Kaz, I think that he sensed your unease (when you got home and then were told what had happened by your DH) and then got clingy. They are most amazing creatures for picking up on our feelings!

And I don't think that your transition to work and daycare will necessarily be bad. As for night feeding while you're at work, I dunno, just see how you go? I've combined kids and working and breastfeeding now for three years (on and off) and some days are good, some days are bad, some months are good, some months I feel like I'm a walking zombie. You don't really know exactly what it's going to be like until you're actually there doing it. As for leaving him at day care, again he's going to be watching you to see how he should react. Try to be as calm, happy and confident about it as you can. But be flexible too. If he needs you to sit with him and read him a story before you go, don't rush off, but if he is fine playing and you've said your goodbyes, just go.

Wishing you all the very best!

[skeetaboat]

It's common for breastfed babies to make up for missed day feeds during the night. I think if you try to wean him it could make the daytime separation worse.. I know that's not really helpful, sorry. Maybe you could try it after he's adjusted to not having you during the day? Hard though, if you're back at work, trying to nightwean. Or maybe you could nightwean but offer the breast constantly between the time you get home and bed time?

Can you co-sleep or do you do that already?

How many feeds does he have during the day?

Sorry.. not very helpful !

ETA: maybe some body who has actually nightweaned before going back to work or has gone back to work while breastfeeding with a baby of a similar age will be able to share their expereinces. I just posted my thoughts, which aren't based on my own experience (just heresay from talking with other mums) so I probably shouldn't have posted!

[Epacris]

Oh yeah, another thing, my DS self weaned at 14 months but that didn't stop the night waking. So if you need more sleep, night weaning may not be the solution.

[~Kaz~]

Thanks for your responses.

It turns out it was probably totally random cause last night he went down at 9pm (later than usual cause of a late arvo nap), fed at 12:30am and then slept through til 7am He's almost never missed the middle of the night feed before so I give up trying to work out what he's up to

You don't really know exactly what it's going to be like until you're actually there doing it.

Hmmmmm yes but Rachel, I want to know now!!! I do agree that he could have picked up on our feelings - DP was probably a bit more stressed without boobies in the house and I was a bit upset when I got back and he hadn't called cause I was literally 5 mins up the road and could have come home to feed and then gone back. I wasn't upset with DS but felt bad for DP that he'd had a rough night so I could have a good night so that could have been enough.

Great advice about daycare too. We do plan to put him in a week or two early (at least, may not have a choice to secure the days I want) and I'll be hanging around as much as he needs in those weeks before I go back to work.

[Epacris]

Hehehe... wow, what a lovely night's sleep (but did you wake up anyway, I always do ). Do give your DS some time to settle in to daycare. It took my DS a full 6 weeks! In fact I had given up hope that he was ever going to settle, I gave notice that we were withdrawing him, DH organised long service leave and was going to be a PT-SAHD. Then over the next two weeks (which was the time that we had to give notice) he learnt to walk and was a completely different child. Luckily his place didn't get filled so we could continue on, and we've developed a truly wonderful relationship with our FDC lady. Lucky us! Hope all goes well for you too.

[Epacris]

Hey Kaz, I've been thinking about you and I've got more advice (are you sick of me yet ). You said you've got no near by family/support. You need to talk to your DH (now, I suggest) about what you're going to do when your DS gets sick, because it will happen. Who is going to take time off work to look after him. I personally don't think it should always default to the mother but if you're still BFing then I can understand that you would want to be with your DS when he's sick.

It's great that you're still BFing and if you can get him through his first winter in daycare still being BF it will be even better! DS's first winter in daycare and not being BF was hell for us. He was constantly sick!!! DD's first winter in daycare she was still being BF and she only got sick a couple of times. I'm not saying that BFing will stop your DS getting sick but it's such magic stuff, it would have to help I reckon!