Am I being too overprotective?

[Miss H]

DD1 is 3 yrs 7 months and started Kindy in WA yesterday. She only made the cut-off by a month so is one of the youngest in the class. If we lived in any other state she would only start school next year. She was ok when I dropped her off yesterday but when we fetched her she was very clingy and the teacher did say she cried a bit. She said it was ok and didn't say anything bad. This morning she was fine until we got into the class and then she looked at me and started crying and saying she doesn't want to stay there. She clung onto me for dear life and wouldn't let go and was just crying all the time. One of the teachers said that she had spoken to her husband about her last night as her heart breaks for her. Now to me that says that she is not coping at all if a teacher's heart breaks! They told me to leave her there and they would phone me at recess. The teacher did phone and say she was much better and not crying anymore. I just know she is not happy there and she is just soooo young. She doesn't play with other kids and is an introvert. We do go to playgroups etc. already but I wanted her to get other stimulation. I just want to take her out and keep her with me until she goes to Year 1 and can cope better.

If you got through this, you deserve a medal! Thanks for listening.

[Pandora]

is kinder the same as preschool in WA, or is it prep/year before grade 1?
Talk to the teacher maybe give it a week or so and then see how she is going.
I know more than one person who has kept their child back a year esp when they were very young to start with

[*Ang*]

My DS is a June baby and started kindy in WA today as well. In the end he was fine, but there were a couple of other children there who were quite distressed there too. I would give it a few more days before making any descions...you may find that she does come out of her shell once she becomes used to her environment.

Incidentally when my DD started kindy 2 years ago there were a couple of children whose parents had decided to hold them back a year before starting...so you wouldnt be considered abnormal if you chose to do this.

Pandora - In WA we have kindy which is for 3.5-4.5 yr olds, then pre-primary for 4.5-5.5 yr olds and then yr 1 for 5.5-.6.5 yr olds.

[Miss H]

I phoned the Dept of Education and they say it is up to the school if they want to keep her back i.e. start Kindy only next year. She will only be 16 in year 12 with the stupid WA rules! So I phoned the school that she is in and they say that their principal does not allow that. Oh hell, what do I do. I think she is too young to start. Maybe we should move interstate and have her in school when she is ready!

[Pandora]

OK, not sure what the rules are in WA

Is kindy compulsory before pre-primary or can you not go at all?

In Vic, kinder is not complusory, and is generally not part of or run by a school so that sounds different to begin with.
Here you dont have to start pre-primary at 4.5-5.5, thats just the earliest you are allowed to start. Lots of kids dont start til 5.5-6, especially kids who are born Jan-April (our cut off is april 30 here.

[*Ali*]

Miss H- Sorry this is so tough for you, I understand how hard it is. My DD started Kindy in WA yesterday too, and her birthday is the 23rd June, so she made the cut off by 7 days. Luckily for us she is more than ready to go, and has been in daycare on and off since she was 9 months old, so is ussed to being left- however, when she first started daycare we went through a similar thing.

I am also a teacher in the WA public system, and my honest advice would be not to keep her at home untill she starts year 1, you would probably find she would still have seperation anxiety even then, and she would have missed out on soo much learning. My advice would be to talk to the teacher, and ask whether she could do 1 day per week, or half days until she has settled in. Please don't make a judgement based on the first few days, it really will take a good couple of weeks for a child to get used to a new environment, especially if they are used to being at home with you. I know that it seems they are young (which they are). Early Childhood Educators are excellent at what they do, and they are able to see if a child is having trouble making friends, or joining in, and they use games and other activities to help them develop these skills.
I know your heart is breaking for your DD, but please give it a little bit more time and as hard as it is, try and not show her how you are feeling, as she will pick up on this and react too it. Good Luck!

[*Ali*]

Pandora- At present Kindy and Pre-primary are not compulsary (but there is talk about making pre-primary compulsary to try and increase literacy standards) Kindy and pre-primary class are usually run by the school and in most cases on the school site, a small number of kindies are off site, but still part of the school. If you choose not to send your child to Kindy/ preprimary the year they are supposed to go they actualley just skip it and go into the appropriate class, you can not choose to keep your child back a year.

[Pandora]

Pandora- At present Kindy and Pre-primary are not compulsary (but there is talk about making pre-primary compulsary to try and increase literacy standards). If you choose not to send your child to Kindy/ preprimary the year they are supposed to go they actualley just skip it and go into the appropriate class, you can not choose to keep your child back a year.

Oooh. Thanks for the clarification, its very different then. Prep/pre primary is compulsory here but you can choose to start a year later.

Its interesting that it can differ so much per state, and yet they (goct) seek to compare schools against each other so much.

[foreva*your*mummy]

My son started prep ( we are in vic) on monday and we are in the same boat with the cut off, as someone else said the cut of is april 30 and my sons bday is april 22. I sent him to school. lots of other people said that I shouldnt, the difference is he is ready to go and is loving it.
Again like others said is this compulsary? it in the end is up to you? do what you feel is right for your child. I would wait a few more days, talk to the teacher and see what they say. goodluck

[Miss H]

So here is my dilemma now. I picked her up from school yesterday and the teacher told me she did wonderfully. But when I saw her face, I knew something was wrong. She was very clingy again and when I asked her how school was she didn't answer. So when we were driving home she says she doesn't like me anymore because I left her alone at school and started crying. She is obviously suffering very badly from separation anxiety. So I told her she doesn't have to go to school and I don't want her to be sad. Probably not what I should have said but my heart was breaking. She calmed down when she heard she doesn't have to go anymore and just wanted me to hold her all the time. She says that she likes school and is always talking about what they do there and that she learns so many new things, but doesn't want to be left alone there. I asked her if she would go if mommy came with and she said yes, she would love that. Obviously not possible. So I know she likes it but just can't bear to be without me. So do I give it another year or try get her to go half days? Or what else? My head is just so done in by this as I really want her to have the stimulation. I don't think I'm capable of teaching her what she can learn in school. I asked her if she would go if I could organise that she just goes half days at first but she still said no.

[msadelaide]

When I irst putmy DD into daycare at 18 months ld she was clingy and would cry. It went on for about the first 6 sessions and then became less clingy ad started to enjoy it there. Shes now 3.3 years old and started at an Early Learning Centre which would be the same as your Kindy and she goes 3 days a week from 8.30am - 3pm and she loves it. Its a matter of them learning to become independant and be able to enjoy themselves and know that mummy is coming back later to collect them.

I would keep her there and give it a good go before pulling her out. I agree that children need stimulation that a lot of mothers cannot do from home.

Good luc! I know how hard i is to let go an to see them cry about being away from you but It is also a good thing for them to learn and socialise without mummy there all the time.

[LimeSlice]

Can you not stay with her at kindy for a few hours or a few days?
I can quite distinctly remember my mum staying with me and with my younger sister at akinder for a little while, plus we had parents on rostered help days...?
I am in WA now, but grew up in Melbourne - the whole school(pre) system over here baffles me so pardon my ignorance.
FFIW Charlotte started going to day care 2 days a week a few months ago. It took her a while to get in the swing but once I left she was fine, as soon as she saw me in the afernoons she would burst into tears lol But she is fine, loves it in fact, just a new environment and not having mum takes getting used to.

Keeping her home until year one though personally could be more detrimental that beneficial for her. Sometimes things aren't easy but we need to do them.

Good luck

[*Ali*]

Mrs H- It is great to hear that your DD is enjoying school (which by the sounds of it she is), it sounds like the problem she is having, as you say, is seperation anxiety.
Is this the first time that she has been left?
Have you spoken to her teacher yet, asked her what she thinks you should do?
It would be interesting for you if you could organise to hide out somewhere and watch her at school without her knowing you are there, you may well be amazed by how well she is coping when she thinks you are not around. Quite often children get upset when you leave and upset when you return, but in the interim they are so distracted by what is going on they forget that they are upset and really do have a good time.

FWIW- My dd has been extra clingy this week, wanting extra cuddles, telling me not to go out, when I have nipped out to the shop etc, and she is happy to be at school, and used to be away from me, it is just that her little life has just been turned upside down and she needs to find her feet again, make sure she is still safe and that we still love her, and get used to her new routine. This is a normal part of change, and I am just making sure I give her extra attention in other ways, tonight she helped me get dinner ready, last night we sat up a bit later and did a extra couple of puzzles etc.

Just give it a bit more time, your daughter is still going to love you, you are not going to cause her any permanent damage by leaving her. I really hope things get better for you all.