My DD doesn't like other people, including her own father!

[Moi]

Since my DD was around 2 months of age she only wanted me. She cries and clings to me if anyone comes near. Now at 16 months my mother and MIL can hold her and she is fond of them. But with her own father (who loves her very much and is an active part of her life) she often rejects him and he gets very sad about it. It is awful for me to see my DD so upset by others and I have to comfort her. But I am struggling with the fact that I rarely get any time out for myself.

People tell me it's great that she's so attached to me, but I'm starting to think it's more that she's very insecure and needs me with her all the time. I'm worried I did something wrong somewhere along the way and I don't know how to help her develop the confidence to be away from me.

I don't sneak away from her whenever I leave and she will settle while I'm gone but when I return she will cling to me longer and tighter and makes me feel so guilty for leaving her in the first place. She just started CC and her clinginess has gotten so much worse now, to the point that sometimes her own loving father cannot get any where near her!

I am feeling so guilty and exhausted. I want to do anything I can to help her, but feel at a loss of what to do. I know phases pass but now I'm starting to wonder if it's part of her character and wonder if it will get better. Plus I need more time out and my DH needs to be able to spend time with his DD. Any ideas? Or words of encouragement?

[beansbeans!]

I so feel your pain! DD1 was similar at the same age, and it drove me crazy in so many ways!
Im sorry I have no advice for you, I hope for you it passes. Thats at least what it did with DD1. Also Dh had to go away for work so everytime she saw him she got excited and spent all of her time with him and couldnt care for me. So besides that I dont have much for you, except I know how you feel

Justine

[Kailani]

I have no advice but had to offer a hug Your poor DH, he must be feeling very unloved and rejected. I know DS isn't as old as your DD (he is 12 months), but he is the same. If I am holding him and try to pass him to DP, he will start whining and lean as far back away from DP as possible. When DP takes him, he will often just start crying and wanting me. I can't do anything without him! I'm also the only one who can settle him and put him to sleep DP is also a loving doting father. Lets hope it's just a phase xox

[~Kim~]

I totally understand how hard it is hun
After my DD was like this I thought I surely couldn't get another....but yep DS is worse! Like you often i question whether or not I have 'caused' it. But my sensible brain tells me that some children are just like that.
FWIW my DD is now a friendly (sometimes too much) outgoing child at nearly 4. I keep myself hanging in there by telling myself that they are seeking security and to start I am their whole world. My giving them extra security is just building up their confidence slowly and making them secure in themselves.
CC can threaten the strongest of children.
It will pass, you are doing a wonderful job.

[Fig]

It can be really exhausting being somebodies whole world. My DD was quite bad at various stages with only wanting me and no-one else including my DH. She is now 2.5 and still has many days when 'no mummy do it' is what she says all day.

The only thing that did help my DD bond with my DH a bit better was that we started co-sleeping after her first wake up for the night from about 10 months. She still needs me to do a lot of things but most nights she actually cuddles into DH, so he knows that she loves him, its just that I am her mum and her primary caregiver. When she is tired, hungry, sad, happy, whatever I am her first point of call. I know it will get better one day, as she develops and then i will probably miss the fact that she needed me so much :-)

if you can take some breaks away from her, try and re-charge your batteries by doing something for yourself.

She is obviously very attached to you, so you have done a great job.

[Moi]

Thanks guys. It's good to know this is normal. I guess some children just struggle more with separation anxiety than other kids do.

I really want to be there for my DD and I want her to be happy. It's hard when she cries for me and doesn't want anyone else to be with her. But I sometimes need time out for myself.

[SammyRo]

It really isn't easy, especially when you need some time out, so I hope its just a phase. Don't feel guilty that it was somehting you've done or didn't do - it could just be her character - she may just need a bit more security from you at this age to help her grow and become a more confident child when she's older.

Out of curiosity, will your DD play with DH? You might already do this, but I know my DD loves having a play with her dad - he throws her round, tickles her, chases her, etc. And because they have a great time doing stuff together, DH doesn't feel neglected when DD is tired or sick, etc and just wants to cuddle me.
Another idea, not sure if it will work, but is there something that your DD can do with her dad - such as swimming lessons, something they can do one on one without you. DD has been going swimming since she was 6months old, and the majority of the time, DH is the one to get in the pool with her, I've always just sat waiting with the towel on the side.

[Moi]

SammyRo - DD will happily play with her dad at times but does tend to want me more than him. I like the idea of finding an activity for DD to do with her dad. I don't think it could be swim lessons though cos she's scared of the water and then will want me, but maybe something she enjoys doing like going to the park would be good for them to do together at least once a week without me coming. Thanks for the suggestion.

[2CheekyMonkeys]

i didnt really read fully through your other responses but just wanted to give you some support. i totally understand cause my DD1 was the same. it was soooo hard because (this may sound selfish) i kinda felt trapped at times.. no one else would do for her and so it was basically up to me and me only ALL the time.

I felt guilty also because my DH felt bad that he couldnt help and that she didnt like him.(well he felt she didnt like him) i also felt a little resentful at times.. (sheesh i am being very honest here arent i) :-)

but now they are really close. they have a really great relationship, the older she got the better she got. so dont know if that was very helpful but sometimes it makes you feel better to know that others have been in the same position and it gets better. :-)

[Kristin27]

I'm in the same boat with DD, she loves me TO DEATH! Only wants me to give her breakfast, carry her, put her to bed - everything. It's both flattering and suffocating at the same time!

Since I returned to part time work DD spends heaps more time with DH (who is the most attentive, involved and wonderful loving father ever), it has helped her their relationship a lot. He takes her to the park, out for milkshakes, swimming (she also didn't like the water at first but he took baby steps wtih her and now she loves it).

My advice would be to have DH take her out for some fun activities and hopefully she will learn that he's not that bad! Although no one will ever beat Mummy...

It is nice to have some time to yourself occasionally