im scared :( unsupervised visits?

[Butterfly Child]

This is probably going to come across so pathetic
i just need to get it out.. i know the first time no matter when is going to be heartbreaking.. but i don't think i can do it!! i just wish it could be little steps

xp's mum rung just before to let me no she wont be able to make it.
but wanted to know what day over Easter we where free because she wanted to take DD to Chrystal creek- a miniature horse farm.

i get along pretty well she comes over most Mondays for an hour or so, xp doesn't come over much at all every few weeks if that for about an hour at a time(all visits since she was born have been supervised), moved to brisbane never hear from him etc. we get along ok, not the best relationship but we make it work for dd.

My question is she didnt say just grace or anything but i don't no if i can let them take her without me their..they've never had to change her nappy, comfort her when shes upset..i dont even know maybe its just me being stupid i just have never left her with someone else other than my family who we live with and that she knows really well

i guess i just don't know how i'm going to do this..especially over Easter
do i really have to?

this is probablyy going to not make any sense sorry guys just need to hear some comforting advise and get it out it feels like my heart is breaking just thinking about it :'(

[lindsaymaree]

oh sweet this is absolutely not pathetic it must be heartbreaking for you. I think it's great that your XP's family want to see your DD, but I can understand the difficulty it must pose for you.

Could you suggest meeting XP's family there (the horse farm) so that you could stay with them untill you feel that DD is comfortable and safe? And then staying close by in case she does need you.

[Just Me]

BC

Is it just your XP's mum who wants to take your DD or your XP as well? Do you have any sort of custody agreement that says that they can take her on her own?

If it is not a legal issue that you have to let them go alone, maybe organise to meet them up at the farm with DD when you are arranging a time and organise to drive yourself up there and if they offer to pick you both up, you can accept (if you want to).

I suppose at some point you probably do have to leave your DD alone with them, but I think a short visit to their house would probably be the best start to this. A visit where they have somewhere organised to change her nappy, a place that is familiar to your DD and they can spend some time focussing on learning how to meet her needs. I think it would be good if you drop her off, go shopping or have coffee with a friend for an hour and come back and get her (to give her the idea that you leave but then come back again).

Taking her away from you to an unfamiliar environment for a long period of time could be really detrimental and stressful for everyone, if it is the first time. Also changing and feeding a toddler can be a lot of work at times and it is best that they feel confident about doing those things before they venture too far from home with her.

I guess I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be a gradual thing unless there is some custody agreement that states otherwise.

I hope you can work something out that you are comfortable with

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Aww hun don't feel bad, it's so hard leaving them with ANYBODY.

1 good thing is G gets to see them regularly so she does know them, A only sees DP's mum once every couple of weeks and she was more than happy to spend the day with her a couple of weeks ago (didn't even cry and i think i was more upset).

I think seeing if you can meet them there is a great idea, will also let you gauge whether the invite was just for G.
Unfortunately there will be times when they want to have her alone but it needs to be on your terms aswell.
I found it hard once i stopped BFing as i no longer had that as an excuse for her not to stay places

I hope you get to enjoy some wonderful mother daughter time for easter but i guess letting them enjoy some time with her aswell will make things easier.. it's hard but it needs to be done.

I STILL hate leaving A somewhere and she's 18mths but i know if i don't then in years to come she will be a PITA and not stay anywhere... lol

GL hun were all her to support you... big

[Butterfly Child]

Thanks girls for your replies.. i have had some time to think it over a bit more, and i'm going to talk to my mum when she gets home . I guess it would be better to take it small steps at a time i would be more comfortable and i think grace would be too. (like just me suggesed maby going and dropping her of and going for a cofee etc)

I know its going to have to happen one day but it doesn't make it any easier

lindsaymaree- yeah i would probably feel a lot better about that, thanks for the great advise Hun!

Just Me- thanks Hun your post really means a lot, no theirs no legal issues just not feeling comfortable leaving dd with them as they've never had unsupervised visits before but i think ill have a talk with xp's mum as shes who i really talk to as xp wont communicate much with me, i do think its great they want to spend time with her and i haven't ever not allowed them to i just want whats best for grace and smaller steps are probably going to work better.

Zarava flutterby- thanks Hun. its just hard when they haven't until recently been involved much and i think i might take small steps first until where both comfortable maybe i might drive their with grace and do my own thing and let them have time with her then take her home later on ..hm i don't no i still have a few days to think about it.