I realize this is a strange place to put a topic on physicality...but I am interested in our emotional responses to our bodies.
Since becoming a mum I have been forced to think about my body in a whole new way. To marvel at the pregnant belly, to moan with those shuddering contractions and even now to offer my breasts for anothers use. I can honestly say I love it! I love the sensuality of skin on skin with dd...and the comfort of hugs and kisses etc.
What I am interested in, is how unprepared we are as a society to embrace these simple pleasures...how the thought of childbirth and breastfeeding being sensual isn't really discussed. It seems the idea of a body in our society is very much individuated. It is something to work on, admire and control...so that we are encouraged to 'get our bodies and lives back' after children, rather than encouraging long term breastfeeding, cosleeping.
This is a bit of a jumble and i am on my iPhone (typing is annoying!)
gotta think about this more, but yes there is a definate push for individualism in regards to our bodies.. and a push to have children but push them away physically from an early age..
arcadia- I was only just discussing this at my mums group today, purely because my SIL is PG and has announced that she WILL NOT be BFing her baby....
I dont want to start a for/against thing, its just that she isnt even prepared to contemplate the possiblity....I dont get it and am actually saddened that she will miss out on one of the most pleasurable bonding experiences (in my experience anyway, I do understand this isnt always the case!) also, the baby will be in its own cot in its own room from day one. I just shook my head at that one and told her the SIDS reccomendations...
anyway... (rant over!)
its funny that perception of "getting your body/life back" thing isnt it? I have had quite a few comments from people about DS still BFing and that one I hear the most.."dont you want your body back??" its still my body! I do actually enjoy BFing (99% of the time) and yes it is a sensual, close, loving, nurturing thing, that im incredibly proud of doing, especially during the first 6 months when the baby is nourished purely on ones own milk, to sit back and look at said child and marvel, wow, I did this!! not only did I grow this miraculos being inside me, I now have kept s/he alive with my body!
To be honest I am still shocked every time I look in a mirror and catch the reflections of my once slim, toned waist and belly, those days are looong gone. I now carry the unmistakeable markings of a woman who has borne a child, stretchmarks, hanging, loose skin,a c section scar, pendulous, milk filled breasts etc..it shocks me,im sure this because I spent the first 28 years of my life NOT looking like this, but doesnt sadden me, because I have love, my childs smiles, cuddles and kisses, I have him snuggled close to me at night and whacking me on the head (usually with the remote control) in the morning to wake me up.
sorry bit of a ramble there...lost my way a bit..might come back after more postings!
Thanks for the responses everyone! Lulu I think you're so right. Sensuality is not something that can be separated from ourselves, but I think it is certainly repressed by many. Pleasure from our bodies seems ok when it comes to sex, but not when it comes to the nurturing role of mothers. I am not saying I get off on breastfeeding etc but that the tactile and visceral nature of mothering is enjoyable to me. Iykwim? It took me a while to embrace it, and tbh most of my frustration since dd was born have related to some resistance to embrace the physicality needed to care for her...as soon as I let go of social expectations and went with what felt right it's been awesome!
Awesome thread Arcadia. I definitely know what you mean. There seems to be a school of childcare that comes from a viewpoint that babies must be controlled, isolated, 'taught' to do things like sleep, eat, be quiet when we want them to. The physical aspects, breastfeeding, cuddling, the smells and tactile experiences of new motherhood seem to be completely alien to this school of thought. It reminds me of that episode of AbFab where Edi's mother is handling baby Edi wearing a pair of rubber gloves. The sensual, physical aspects of motherhood, and genuinely connecting with your baby are completely rejected by the Gina Ford 'Baby Fuehrer' style parenting manuals.
Having said that, I was never a cosleeper, I always found it hard to relax with DD in the bed. Slings etc didn't really work for us either because instead of finding it comforting she always seemed to hate any sense of restriction. maybe next time....
ps. sorry if that was a bit of a pointless waffle
will have to come back later but I know what you mean about enjoying the physical closeness. I remember BF and being particularly impressed by the fact that MY body was sustaining my baby. We were a complete little unit....
I luuuurve the tactile and visual PLEASURE (hehe, making a point) I get from nurturing my babies....and I hope with all my being that others can overcome any need to repress that for some crappy oh I dunno - idea/stigma/stinky notion.
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Embracing sensuality and the physical self
maybe next time....
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