Looking for some others opinions... when you give more by not giving...

[Indadhanu]

It's a pondering I've had for a while, and I was just wondering where others stand...

I'm a giving person. If I see someone who needs something that I have, my first reaction is to give. Sometimes my reaction is so instant that I don't even stop to think "do I need this item". I've had to surpress my urge to give, to give myself time to think if I should be giving this away. I've given away things that are quite expensive...

It's something that urks my partner, since she's the opposite, very 'hold on', very much preparing and holding on to everything even if it means it collects dust for years. Not that that's wrong, and not that giving it right, thats not the point of this thread.

My question is... among all of my giving, sometimes I wonder... even when I 'can' give, even when it's ok to give... is it always right?

I sit down and wonder... will I be giving more by NOT giving... it's a difficult concept, of course giving is good. The kindness, the compassion, of giving, the pride of being able to provide someone with something they need, that might bring them joy or help them...

But then... is giving always good? What about when it becomes serial giving? Someone learns that subtle hints will lead to someone else giving them things, and then they stop trying to get things themselves.
Even though they DO need what someone else would give them. So giving would equate to someone getting what they need. But at the expense of something else? Am I enabling a learned helplessness of sorts?

What is your opinion? Is there a point where you have to stand back and say to yourself "Yes, I have this I could give you. Yes, it is something you need. But no, I'm not giving it.". Not in a greedy, 'I'm not giving you this because it's MINE', but in a 'By not giving, I'm hoping that this will give you something else'. I don't know what. Perhaps a lesson. But is it my place to decide when it's time to give out lessons? I guess it's a bit like "If you need money, the universe (or God or whatever) doesn't give you mean, but the means to make money, like a job".

Is it wrong? I have a deep yearning to give, but I often wonder if I am doing more harm than good by repeated givings KWIM?

I dunno.......

This has been random ramblings brought to you by Leasha...

[Phteven]

There is a Chinses proverb: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

If we can empower by giving then it's great but if our giving disempowers then maybe we need to reconsider.

[mrsmac]

I think giving is good sometimes I think you might need to hold back in some of the instances you have described (and I think you know this deep down)
One thing I have learnt is that sometimes giving is actually easy and that freely accepting/taking is actually harder. Sometimes it takes a lot to accept help/love/money etc
Some people especially those who are givers are not very comfortable "taking" IYKWIM. Sometimes allowing someone else to be the giver can be a very great gift.

These incherant ramblings by mrsmac-sorry LOL

[Arimeh]

I'm a very giving person - its just my nature too I suppose. However, if I found myself giving to the same person over and over and over - I wouldnt' be so quick to give too many times

But if its just random people - yup, give give give.

[AnyDream]

Yep I think you're right, sometimes it is better to withhold consciously then to give. I think the key here is your level of consciousness/awareness around the transaction. In that way, if you're giving reflexively then maybe it's better to stop and think and then decide. I don't think it's a case of it being your place or not to decide about 'giving out a lesson' - but rather that a person who's trying to live a wisdom filled life will necessarily attempt to apply a process of discernment to whatever decisions they're making.