What am i missing?

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Gosh where do i start DD2 is a big girl compaired to her older sister, she's something like 9wks ahead of her weight wise, DD1 was a text book baby fed 4hrly, slept 1-2hrs etc etc

DD2 is STILL feeding 2-3hrly but WAS ok over night, we even had about 2-3 nights where she slept through, the last couple of weeks i have finally gotten her back to self settling during the day, she is normally awake for 1.5-2hrs at a time (sometimes longer) then down for a nap she sleep 30-hr and thats it.

She has spent the last 4 nights in my bed, she has been screaming just wanting to be comforted and i am so so tired and grumpy and just not myself.

DD2 is very clingy, if i leave a room she sooks, she will only go to DP for short periods.

* She does not take a dummy, i have tried but she wont
* She refuses EBM, i have tried multiple teats and aside from buying out a whole factory i'm not sure what else i can try

I am thinking lately she is either
a) teething again - started teething symptoms at just under 4mths old
b) getting some colic - i have tried colic relief and am in the middle of trying infacol
c) HUNGRY, i tried waiting until 6mths especially as she feeds so frequently anyway but have given in and started her on rice ceral, she sits on my knee while i eat most nights and is opening her mouth and trying to take my fork, i think she is ready for more than 1 meal a day.
Had a flat out morning this morning so am thinking of giving her rice cereal while i eat tea and see if that makes a difference.

I honestly don't know what else i am missing, she burps after feeds but i have noticed of a night when she's coming into out bed she is farting A LOT, she isn't an overly spewy child but she does sometimes have a bit of sick... argh i am so so tired and grumpy and DP doesn't get it and doesn't get why the house isn't perfect... he says plenty of women have 2 kids and they do it
I just realised i have not had a weekend/night without either of my girls since DD1 was born (with the exception of a hospital stay when DD1 was little), he just got back from a w/end away with the boys

I am not normally and don't share this info with the girls at MG, it's not me to complain to them but today i did and i was nearly in tears, they can't believe i don't get any me time, i just wish DD2 would take EBM to i can go to the gym or even just escape the house for a while without either of the kids.

Sorry this turned into a vent.. if anyone has any more suggestions as to how i can get her a little calmer and settled would be GREAT.. she has such an amazing smile and people comment all the time.... until i hand her over

[Mak]

Non existent sleep here too - it is awful and certainly changes my ability to cope and be sensible after a while. DH was not great at understanding and still struggles to 'get' how hard it is, mainly bc he doesn't do it.
Similarly the me time only happened after #2 was a bit older and I put my foot down.
I never said much to anyone else as it just made me feel worse, like I was a failure and DH was an insensitive twit.
Take care - the house work will be there when you feel up to it (never here ) and I learnt to do a few emergency meals for the freezer to take the pressure off days/weeks that challenge you.
Perhaps try to get some protected time when you are feeling better and more able to talk to DH. Even if it is one sleep in per fortnight/month whatever that means you are off duty. It is hard with little ones - and sometimes there are no easy/obvious answers. Sorry not much help -take care and one step at a time.

[Party-of-five]

Im sorry i dont have any helpful advice...DD2 is being a PITA too
Im looking forward to going to hospital in a few weeks for a night off

[onthefly]

First, you DH needs a reality check.
Your DD2 is obviously quite different to DD1. Based on my limited experience, she sounds quite normal.
I don't think you've missed anything really, I think this is just the way she is. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just go with it, ride it out. Racking your brains to figure out what's 'wrong' and trying every remedy under the sun can leave you even more exhausted than you already were.
Approaching 6 months they often get a spike in separation anxiety, perhaps that's part of it? It'll ease off in time. How is she when you're not around? Could you try a short trip out without the kids as a sort of trial run? She might surprise you and wait very patiently for you to return before demanding milk (or if she's really hungry maybe she'll take the bottle then).
Sounds like you've done a great job of mothering her - she's calm and happy with you. In time the reassurance she derives from you will allow her to feel secure in all situations. If you saw my son today you would not believe the clingy little thing he used to be (I can hardly believe it).
I hope you can figure out a way to get some time out, you do definitely need that.

[BrightSparkles]

couldn't read without offering
Its hard i can relate on so many levels!

lots of xxx

[indie24]

Couldn't read with out offering some support. You are doing a great job. Your DD obviously feels loved and secure with you. Hoping you get some "me" time soon

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Thanks so much everyone, i think i am just so so tried and drained and i know it's normal and each child is different but i hate to see her upset.
I wish i could say 'the dishes will be there when i'm ready' but DP wouldn't accept that and sometimes i think he thinks i am making excuses.
If this is who she is then i love her no matter what, i just wish instead of those horrible pearcing screams she had a nice quiet little girls voice...

[Arcadia]

My dd was/is a mummy's girl. Do you have a sling? DD spent her first year strapped to me while I did things because she just needed to be close. Can you cosleep with her until this phase passes? Its madness to traipse the hallways when they wake more than twice. If DH doesn't like cosleeping, can you sleep on a mattress on the floor, or kick out DH to the couch?

It is normal for bubs to wake more frequently when you introduce solids. I know some people say it will reduce night feeding, but in my experience, it lead to more wakings...because their tummys need to get used to it.

You are doing a fabulous job. I know the house isn't perfect, but seriously, the happiness of your children is more important. I would trial a sling and see if you can at least got your normal dishes done etc...and then ring all the relatives and ask them to pitch in for a cleaner for a year instead of giving you or DH birthday/christmas prezzies! lol.

It wiill pass. Your DD is perfect, and you're a great mum. You need more support. Can any local BBers help you out? Can someone take DD for a walk in the sling and the big DD in the pram so you can go to the gym??

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

My dd was/is a mummy's girl. Do you have a sling? DD spent her first year strapped to me while I did things because she just needed to be close. Can you cosleep with her until this phase passes? Its madness to traipse the hallways when they wake more than twice. If DH doesn't like cosleeping, can you sleep on a mattress on the floor, or kick out DH to the couch?

It is normal for bubs to wake more frequently when you introduce solids. I know some people say it will reduce night feeding, but in my experience, it lead to more wakings...because their tummys need to get used to it.

You are doing a fabulous job. I know the house isn't perfect, but seriously, the happiness of your children is more important. I would trial a sling and see if you can at least got your normal dishes done etc...and then ring all the relatives and ask them to pitch in for a cleaner for a year instead of giving you or DH birthday/christmas prezzies! lol.

It wiill pass. Your DD is perfect, and you're a great mum. You need more support. Can any local BBers help you out? Can someone take DD for a walk in the sling and the big DD in the pram so you can go to the gym??

co-sleeping doesn't work for me, don't get me wrong i love the cuddles but she wakes a lot more often when i am in a room with her, she has been in my bed the last 4 nights and it's driving me insane, i get a sore back or arm from sleeping around her etc.
She seems to feed to sleep of a night now then in her cot and she's waking when i go to bed 9i don't check on her or anything she just seems to know), i go in and give her a quick feed and then put her back into bed but 5min later she is screaming and wanting me or wanting to settle on the boob.

I have only just introduced solids because of this behaviour so i am not sure if it is adding to it in any way, will be intersting to see if she gets worse

A cleaner would be awesome but i am not a fan of other people doing the work or going through my things, i know it soudns strange but i couldn't even let people help me pack to move... it's odd i know..

It would be great if someone could take the girls for a walk etc but we live outside of town and there are no footpaths out here, DD is happy in the pram but we don't really have relo's that can just drop by and take them.
I would love if someone could come and watch them so i could go to the gym but as she wont take EBM or a dummy it's a bit hard on peoples nerves when i leave the room and she doesn't stop screaming

Hopefully it will pass and she will be like her big sister who happily waves at me when i leave her at nanna's...

[onthefly]

Trust me, it will pass, but you need to make things as easy as possible on yourself in the mean time.
A cleaner could stay out of private areas and just do the kitchen, etc... would that be a workable compromise? Has your DH ever been left with the kids to fend for himself? He really seems to have unrealistic expectations.
I found the same thing as Arcadia when introducing solids, winding it back a bit helped.
I really hope things improve for you - I truly know how hard it is when you're not getting any rest and nothign seems to work

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Trust me, it will pass, but you need to make things as easy as possible on yourself in the mean time.
A cleaner could stay out of private areas and just do the kitchen, etc... would that be a workable compromise? Has your DH ever been left with the kids to fend for himself? He really seems to have unrealistic expectations.
I found the same thing as Arcadia when introducing solids, winding it back a bit helped.
I really hope things improve for you - I truly know how hard it is when you're not getting any rest and nothign seems to work

At the moment i am not even sure we could afford a cleaner ontop of my weird obsession with not leaving people alone in my house...

DP has had DD1 on his own when i took DD2 to QLD with me for a wedding and he is more than capable with her (although nothing around the hyouse got done - his excuse it was his only weekend off in 6mths), i would leave DD2 with him but she doesn't settle well and often needs the boob and she wont take EBM even from him.
He had DD1 for 6 nights when she was younger due to a stuff up with my gall bladder removal, he handled that quite well although she had only JUST taken the bottle through NEED and allowing her to scream until hungry, it was very hard for him to go through and i don't want to stuff DD2 around while i can still BF 100%.
I was quite angry my supply dried up due to medical issues with DD1 so don't want to jeopardise it this time.

I'm sorry i keep coming up with brick walls, i have an excuse for everything today i have the attitude i just don't care, both my girls seem to be sick now, DD1 had the most horrible running nose and just fell asleep watching ICE AGE.. she normally has 1 sleep a day and it's not until 1 or after.. so i KNOW she's not well.. argh.
DP an deal with the house being a mess, although he will say DD1 sleeping means i should have done more.. well toooo bad!

[Arcadia]

I wish I lived closer so I could give you a hand. You sound very isolated.

You need to rest in the day and not worry about housework.. Take care of yourself. You don't want to end up sick from exhaustion...I've been there and it's awful.

Eta: your poor dd. Hope she gets better soon. If she's unwell it's likely dd2 is getting it. My dd was awake every 30 mins for 2 nights when sick last week. Hang in there hun

[onthefly]

Oh bugger, that's just what you need. Well if they're sleeping I hope you get some rest too
I understand the brick walls - that's what happens when you're at the end of your rope. And I too have made myself sick by not taking time out when I needed to - It seems impossible at the time, I know, but there is always a way.

[helle]

do you think it could just be detachment anxiety? or whatever it's called... she wants you and ONLY you!
J is starting to do that now. He'll scream merry hell if I walk out of a room, even if DH is holding him (and when I walk back in he cracks a smile - DH is going to get a complex soon) if he's just been fed changed and burped. He's also chucking the ****s if he drops a toy he's been playing with... fun!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Thanks so much everyone.. DD1 is officially sick, runny nose, sooky, wanting mummy, we have watched 4 DVD's today and she finally fell asleep on me, her temp was 38 earlier to have tried some panadol and some icy pole, can tell she's not well she isn't eating much either.

BUT on a good note i have done absolutely NOTHING today, done the dishes and 2 loads of washing and thats it BUT the best part... ZARA HAS HAD 2 DECENT SLEEPS... she is asleep now and has been for close to 2hrs i'm not sure if it was because she ate a decent amount of rice cereal this morning, becuase i have been giving her infacol every 2nd feed.. i have no idea but am hoping it continues *touch wood*
She was still a bit grumpy but tonight will be the test, she is normally feral around our dinner time so am thinking i might give her a feed when she wakes then see if she wants a tiny bit of rice cereal again for dinner (need to do some more veg food shopping for baby friendly BLS)

Thanks so so much for everything, i doubt she will be back to 100% straught away but i can hope.