What do you do to retain your identity?

[BrightSparkles]

After having kids??

I'e been thinking about this all afternoon. I used to be someone who had a huge social life...even after having Miss J. I used to go out for coffee with all my friends (with and without kids), had my hair done, eye brows waxed, go to mothers groups, kept in contact with people from work then.
I have tried so many times to arrange coffee with friends but everyone either always has other plans, pulls out at the last min or just don't even bother replying to texts/emails or call back - even to say they can't make it, so I go and have coffee on my own with the girls, I go to the park on my own all the time with the girls, we go to music time, gymnastics and swimming, everything I do is on my own or with my girls.
I know it sounds like i'm whinging but to me I feel like i'm losing everything that I am in an emotional/social sense. I'm someone who thrives on being social and am finding it hard to accept that this is how it is.

After getting some mail today it made me start thinking... i'm nothing but a mummy now. The letter was addressed to DH from an organisation we have been working with/for for over 10 years each and the letter was addressed to DH only. All previous mail has been addressed to both of us or we'd get the same thing but in 2 enevelopes. It got me thinking about that I'm not valued there anymore - not enough to be acknowledged in mail, not even a phone call or text to say congrats when we had Miss S.

I try talking to DH about this kinda stuff but he doesn't get it. Sometimes I'd love him to say that he thinks i'm a great mum/wife and how much he appreciates me for the person that I am, to hug me and tell me he loves me without me having to say it first or to even just hug me and not say anything.
I know my girls love me and tell me in their own way.

I'm sure this all sounds like rambling and if it makes any type of sense to you then well done There is more I want to add but jsut not sure atm how to word what I want to say.

What do you all do to retain any part of who you were before you had kids?

[Oscar&Grouch]

naww hun i know how it feels to go from a huge social life to nothing at all.
Seriously i think certain people have this idea if they hang out with me they will mysteriously get pregnant from me! Im so used to my 'friends' cancelling on me due to hangovers,clubs or anything to do with alcohol i dont even bother, i realise im only 21 and my friends are at a different stage of life, but seriously i dont have a disease im pregnant!!
I dont really have any advice on retaining your own identity as im known as ' Brooke, the chick whose XP cheated on her whilst preg'

i really hope you start feeling better sunshine! You are doing a great job with your precious girls.xxxxx

[BrightSparkles]

It sux doesn't it when people cancel.

[mummy of 3 boys]

Sunshine
i feel for u hunny, im pretty much in the same situation, not so much my friends because if i was in my hometown id go out with my friends that have children too, but this small town im living in, i have no one no real friends & it drives me crazy sitting at home all the time or like u say going to the park just me and DS
worst thing also is my DP works 6 days a week

i dont know what to say on advice or anything, but one thing i do tell myself is my kids will be forever & friends arent makes me feel abit happier but i also love getting out and about and socialising too

[Arcadia]

I know exactly how you feel. I am slightly older (27) but I still have friends who stay away, even my best friend since childhood didn't come to visit me until last week

But in answer to your question, I do several things to help me stay true to myself. I sew when I can. Just small projects these days...some bibs, cushion covers, things for DD, but it helps. I go to dance classes, I do pilates, I also try and go out for dinner with a few friends or my sister as often as I can.

I know its harder with two, but in the coming months you will find yourself a bit free-er to go out alone and perhaps find some space for yourself.

Can you join your nearest ABA group (if you breastfeed), or try and find some mummies close by you can hang out with? I managed to find two women I now see almost every day, just by meeting one on the street...so you never know!