OMG! What is she going to be like when the baby comes?!

[sasha]

A bit of backstory here: T has always been 'higher needs' - I don't mean that in the same way as say, autism/spectrum or having anxiety issues (because you parents who deal with that are awesome and this is nothing compared to that). I just mean she's always wanted lots of cuddles, lots of attention, and I've always done a lot of those, and still do. And she's had BIG separation anxiety which we're getting over, finally.

I've also tried to get her to play by herself and work things out on her own so that I can, you know, go to the toilet without her having a meltdown.

Some days she will happily play for a bit with S, or even on her own, doing puzzles or playing with blocks, but recently she's just been standing at the baby gate, begging for food (when I know she's not hungry) and throwing tantrums if she doesn't get it, or wanting to go outside which is fine as long as it's not really hot, or 6.30 in the morning... she has one volume, and I would like to remain on speaking terms with our neighbours. When she gets outside, she wants me there with her, or if she does play by herself, it's for about five minutes before she wants to come in again.

What drives me crazy is the constant: "Mummeee! What you doing?" "Mummeee! Want something to eat!" "Mummeee! What you doing?" "Mummeee! Mummeee! Mummeee!" ad infinitum.

When I suggest for her to play with something, or suggest something else for her to do it's like the end of the world and she's very contrary eg "Would you like an apple?" - "No! Can't want an apple! pause I WANT APPLE!!" *sigh*

I'm trying to praise good listening and when she's playing on her own I catch her doing it and praise that, and I just want her to get to a point where I'm going to be able to actually sit with the baby without her screaming and throwing tantrums because it's not her there.

Everything is a drama, you know? And she has such a short attention span... not that I'm expecting her to sit down and watch a three-hour documentary or anything. Tell me it's just a phase. Please! Or if not, what do I do?

[UntoldAngel]

I don't have any experience of my own, but I would guess it is just the age and it will pass
Could you maybe set aside an hour where your time is dedicated to her and her only?

[Kazbah]

oh no, Pip's still going through this! I find that I give him a choice of 2 things only - "It's snacktime, do you want an apple or watermelon". Is she helping you at all? You know, like "Can you get my slippers out from under the bed?" "Can you get me the purple blocks"?

We also taught Pip "inside voice" and "outside voice" and that he's only to use outside voice when he can't see us at all. Plus I can't bend over to give him cuddles, so I taught him that he needed to stand on a chair if he wanted cuddles, and we give him cuddles instead of picking him up when we're out.

Good luck - it is so ... frustrating ... when they are like this!!!

[~clover~]

Its hard. My DS is similar. We've had a few issues with the new baby, but he's getting there.
He's very proud & protective of her. Loves her alot & insists I pick her up the second she cries, but if I'm already holding her & he wants something all hell breaks loose. He will stand there yelling at me to do as he wants. Which keeps her awake, so I can't put her down, & can't usually get what he wants.
I'm trying not to get what he wants, when he wants, & get him used to it. Slowly he's getting it. It doesn't help that DD has reflux & can rarely be put down. I was hoping for an easy baby, lol.
Do you talk to her about it? I talked to DS about it for months before she was born. He was really well prepared I think. Accepted it very well initially, but didn't understand just how busy I would be.
He's getting there, I'm sure she will too

[littlelara]

I always made a point of trying to create a bond between them. Pretty much as soon as Jordy could open his eyes I would say "see, Jordy's watching you, he really loves you, look he's smiling at you!" She believed it and was loving towards him, which helped him to learn how to be loving towards here.
Also, try to give her responsibilities once bub comes - "you're such a good helper, can you go and get bub a clean nappy and the wipes? Could you watch bub while I...?"
HTH

[sasha]

Thanks for your responses, and I've been thinking this over, and I think the issue is that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the attention she seems to need, so I withdraw from her, which makes her feel insecure/want more attention, and it just compounds itself. I'm trying really hard to spend some time playing with them rather than trying to get them to just play on their own, and doing stuff like sitting down and watching a TV show with her while having a cuddle - it's good for me to take some time to just sit, too!

She does know about the baby, and we're working on tasks that she can do... she also knows about soft and loud voices, and I think she's just impulsive and forgets herself! I think she's finally getting it that screaming at me for something doesn't work, because when she stands there whinging or screaming, I tell her I'll only listen if she talks nicely, and mostly, she's then toning it down a little and talking in a fairly normal voice. I feel a bit mean telling her I'm not listening (unless she talks nicely) but I also really hate being screamed at!

She's still full on, but I think that's just her A lot can happen in the next few months, right?!

[*Sparklez*]

u know i have a 3 yr old son who is nearly 4 in 2 months and he is the same but he has behavioural issues but most time he just plays on it too.. iykwim..
he is up my butt to put it nicely lol.. he does everything ur dd seems to be doing he chucks a tantrrum at the littlest "no"..
but to teach him that he isnt going to get everything he wants i tell him im not listening and if he deosnt be nice and behave he wont get anything..
sometimes u have to be hard to be kind cause they do tend to take advantage..
as for the baby i let my ds help me with everything n she isnt here yet.. he helped me set up the room put her clothes away etc..
i also let him know that she isnt a toy n u have to be gentle n speak softly cause otherwise it upsets babies luckily we have a 3 neices n 1 nephew all under 6 months right now lol so its good practise..
once the bub is around involve her in as many ways as u can n its never easy GL hun i hope u can sort it all out n relax