Sleep Issues and No 2 on the way...

[Crystalwings]

Hi everyone, i'm after some reassurance and advice about DDs sleep.

Olive is 2 now and her sleep is really unsettled and has been for some time. We have recently gone back to getting her to have a sleep most days after this was no existant for a while. I make sure she is up by 3pm. i work so get home around 5.45-6pm 3 days per week. From there it is play, dinner bath and bed at 7pm. If it's much later then i have to sit with her for ages as she gets over tired. Dh does the bath but then it's all about me which can be very tiring as I am 31wks pg with no 2. Atm i sit on her bed and she drinks a sippy cup of goats milk and once thats gone i pat just to calm then usually just sit as she goes to sleep. This usually takes 20-45mins, sometimes longer. Dh cannot go near her at this time. She wakes through the night, usually 2-3 times and by the second we call for her to come into our bed as we need the sleep and she has pretty much co-slept with us since 6mths when waking became an issue for us.
We are actually fine with this except i'm worried with how the new baby will fit into all this, especially concidering that Olive only wants me to cuddle her through the night and can get really upset if dh even talks to her. this baby will go into a cot in our room and i'm concerned how Olive is going to cope with night wakings when she is in our bed and how i will get her to stay in bed while i get up to feed and change the baby.
So parents of co-sleepers, how did your other children fit into the cosleeping? Should i get tougher now or will Olive just fit in around the new circumstances?
I have recently purchased a night light but it has made no difference. I'm seeing an osteopath for recurrant ear infections and she said that Olive has 2 joints out in her neck so maybe this is affecting sleep.
Dh has offered to take Olive away for a night or 2 a couple of weeks after the baby is born to visit some relos and give me a chance to bond with bub, i'm really nervous about this but do you think it would have a positive affect on him settling her at night.

Wow this is all over the shop sorry! Feels good to get it out though.
Any thoughts or advice much appreciated

[onthefly]

How are the ears? I wonder if she's in discomfort and that's a contributing factor.
Not sure about taking her away - has she been away from you before? A new baby AND being away from mummy might be a bit much for her. You probably just want to be careful about too many chagnes all at once. I do feel for you though - you must be absolutely knackered. We've been lucky in that DS' sleep has been generally much better since he turned 2.

DS went through a long mummy-only stage, which thankfully changed by the time he was 2 (so also good timing with the pregnancy for us).

[MrsFabuloso]

crystalwings, I feel your pain! We have issues with our 2yo's sleeping habbits too. He has coslept since birth and when we moved just before he turned 2, we tried our hardest to get him into his own bed. He would wake often too, if we didn't sleep with him. The difference being DS will sleep with DH. So now with me being 33wks pg with #3, DH and I sleep withhim in a double bed in his room again because it's just way too hard for me to get up 2-4 times a night and sit with DS until he goes back to sleep. So one of us gets a reasonable nights sleep, then the next night we swap. But DH is going to be starting afternoon/night shifts with work again soon, so I have no idea how I will handle it. DH will take charge of the bigger two when he's home, but there will be nights when it's just me, so it will be interesting. I am just oging to go with the flow.
I plan on cosleeping with #3 and that is going to be more important than sleeping with DS because I will be bfing. When I had DS, DD wasn't the best sleeper either, no actually she was dreadful, so I was up ALOT in the first year or so of his life, dealing with non sleeping monsters, just praying for more than 2hrs sleep.(Sorry don't want to scare you, lol!) We ended up putting a double bed mattress on the floor of our bedroom and DD slept there with DH(when he was home) and I slept in our bed with DS so I could bf and settle him through the night easily. It was the best way for me to maximise sleep. DD was ok if she could hear me and DS, I wcould tend to both her and DS if they needed me and it was just reassuring for me to have them both with me on the nights DH wasn't home. But now DD is 3 1/2 she sleeps through most nights, and has done so for about a year (slept most nights, ie 4out of 7 she will sleep through. Now it has gotten better and better and she will sleep through 13 out of 14nights). I'm just praying that as DS gets older he will figure out sleep is good and he doesn't need DH or me next to him.
Maybe you could try to start getting your DH to do things with you to prepare for bed time. Just start slowly with him maybe sitting on a chair in the room or something, then he could sit next to you with your DD on the bed, then he could read her a story...ect. It definately makes life easier when you can let your other half do things if you're busy with bub.
Oh and BTW, I didn't find cosleeping with both kids difficult. DD would sleep through DS screaming alot of the time, and vice versa. Bu tusually because I coslept, DS wouldn't really have a chance to cry because I had my boob in his gob before he managed to utter a noise! Sometimes they woke each other, but generally they were easy to get back to bed and I can only remember once or twice when I had them both up for more than 30mins having a party together and usually me crying on the bed, lol. The biggest problem I had was them waking each other in the mornings, but it didn't bother me so much because I had one awake anyway, so to have them both up wans't a big deal, iykwim.
I do agree with Marcellus, that her ears might be an issue for her sleeping. My DD had terrible glue ear and when we eliminated dairy from her diet as suggested by the paed ENT, she slept ALOT better. He r glue ear got better and we didn't need grommets or any more antibiotics after her having about 6 courses!

[Crystalwings]

Thanks ladies
I do think her ears and or neck are part of the problem. She is off wheat and dairy and has been since 6mths. I did start giving her some wheat a while back but have gone really strict again since seeing the osteo. She is also atking fish oil for helping inflammation in the ears and has another appointment next week so hopefully i can get a bit more of an indication how bad the problem is.
lilias - i will definatley get dh to start coming and sitting with us for a while in the room and see how that goes. I had a staff meeting last night and didn't get home until late and Olive was still awake asking for me with dh pulling his hair out. She went to sleep after 10mins. I do think it's her own form of separation anxiety as she has never really had much of it and has had quite a few changes recently. I was also thinking last night about the mattress on the floor idea or me sleeping on her floor for a couple of nights and seeing if that strategy will work. I will wait until i've finished work though as i'm so tired atm.
Marcellus- She hasn't really left me before and has only had one sleep over, the second will be tomorrow night so i think you are right about not doing that and as i said i'm not really comfortable with it either although the theory is well intended by dh.
Thanks for the sympathy - I am so tired!!!

[onthefly]

Oh you poor thing
I slept on a mattress on the floor for ages with DS and he slept there alone for quite a while once he didn't need me so much - might be worth a go.
It's great your DH wants to help - hope you can find a way for it to work

[Honeybee]

Hi Crystalwings, I don't have any advice to give because I feel like I am in a similar situation to you! DS is 22 months, has coslept since birth and will only go to sleep with me cuddling him. Freaks out if DH tries to put him to bed. I'm 19 weeks pg and I am really scared about what is going to happen when number 2 arrives. DH and I have been discussing the last couple of days having DH slowly become more and more involved in the bedtime process, with the aim of him being able to take over in 6 months or so. I am torn about whether I should be trying to transition DS to a mattress on the floor in our bedroom, because I wouldn't want to try to do it with a new baby as well. He takes up most of the bed at the moment, and I'm not convinced it will be safe for a baby (although the baby will be in a cosleeper bassinet to start with). Anyway, sorry for going on about myself, just wanted you to know you're not alone. Best of luck with getting your DH more involved in the bedtime process, and I hope your medical investigations help with the sleeping too.

HB
xxxx

[appletree]

Hi CrystalWings, i had the same worries when DS was on the way! DD has always been a terrible sleeper. In the end, we fell into our own pattern and it seems to work quite well for us. At around 20 weeks pg, i gave up on getting DD to sleep without me and we moved her toddler bed right next to ours. DD likes to pat and hold my arm to sleep so when she wakes up she just grabs me and goes back to sleep.

I was so worried about DS's sleeping when he was first born, he was wrapped and placed awake in his bassinet and self settled for just about every sleep. Because he never knew any different he never went through a period of crying as he went to sleep, he just goes of quietly. If he is crying, i know there is something wrong so i go to him straight away.

Now all four of us happily sleep together in the same room, DF and i in our bed, DD in hers right next to me and DS in his cot at the end of the bed. After the first couple of nights DD got used to me getting up to feed/change DS. I just put my feeding chair at the end of her bed, so if she wakes up i just tell her shhh, i am feeding DS go back to sleep.

The only problems i still have, which aren't worrying me enough to do something about, is that i have to lie down with DD to get her to sleep so this takes a big chunk out of my evening. If she wakes up and i am not there she will start yelling for me, which inevitably wakes up DS and then i get really shirty... Also, DH can't seem to get DD to sleep and he gets so frustrated, but i now have one night a week where i go out and don't get home till 10 so he is being forced to follow through and its really helping!

Goodluck with it, you will honestly be fine and everything will work itself out who knows, maybe this time the box for 'perfect sleeper' has been ticked for your new bub and it will be sleeping through from 6 weeks! LOL

[Crystalwings]

Thanks honeybee and appletree
I definatley feel that i want to try to get this bub to self settle more especially seeing as i will be returning to work part time when they are 6mths. i also had to do this with olive and coped but it will be different organising 2 children.
Olive slept through from 8wks until around 5.5mths when she got really sick and ever since has been a shocker. I can't even say that i enjoyed that time as i was expressing and had to get up through the night to pump. So this time i won't be so ****y about my bub sleeping through!
Olive is actually having her second ever sleep over tonight at MIL's so have been out for dinner and watched a dvd and am going to bed now for my first full nights sleep in months. argggg