For those on my FB account this is following my post from yesterday
I haven't spoken to my mother (yes its all about her again) since DD birthday party. They have been away, she has been out at nan and pops looking after them etc. A few things were said to me at DD birthday that got under myskin so I have not called her either so bad on my part too.
She rang yesterday and we were having a "lovely" chat about stuff she mentioned my 32 yo brother has just moved back home from QLD told me a heap of stories about other stuff. I spoke to her about my little clip business/hobby and she made a few snide remarks about a couple of lines which started to turn the nice convo into me getting my heckles up and defensive. We all know how much I adore my mother afterall
Anyway,
Then she says those magic words " So, what are you doing for Xmas ........"
I tell her this year Gran (MIL) is putting lunch on which is good because it means I don't have to worry about having a house full of people and putting on lunch because it always costs us a packet (I didn't say that last bit but it does)
(this next bit is brief how the convo went)
She immediately went into her mopey self, and using THAT TONE (we all know what this one is) and said " We're not doing Xmas this year, I just cannot be bothered, we haven't even put up Chrissy decorations"
I said how sad that was and she should do something to perk her spirits up
" no, your father feels the same, we just cannot be bothered this year"
Me (trying to get to the root of whats really going on) "Why not?"
"oh no reason"
Me " is it because nan and grandpa aren't here anymore?"
"no, we just feel sad this year"
Me (begining to see the light) " Oh well, what can you do? why don't you go away and do something great"
"no, thats not what Christmas is about" ~ yep ok my suspicions are confirmed.
Me, being a bit of a biatch because she is doing her feel sorry for me dance now, "Well I guess if you don't want to make it a happy one and get in the mood, you'll just have to suck it up I s'pose"
" yeah I s'pose we will ........... "
The phone call ended within minutes after that.
Now I know she was trying to hint they weren't happy because they won't be seeing DD.
I have said for years now that our family tradition willbe Mass on Xmas eve, Chrissy day will ALWAYS be here on the farm because I want my kids to enjoy playing with their new stuff rather than being dragged from place to place to place (which I hated as a kid and swore I would never do).
MIL is doing lunch this year, its not my place to invite my parents to MIL's do, not that she would mind, but if MIL wanted them there she can ask them to come.
IF they weren't doing the mopey, feel sorry for me, Guilt trip (which has made me feel bad anyway) I would have suggested we get together on Boxing Day but she danced around trying the emotional crap on me and was insistant they weren't doing anything blah blah blah.
Fine, she wants to act like that and try to drag down Christmas for us then she can bloody well miss out. I am sick to death of people using emotional boulder dash to try to get what they want.
Why not just be honest and say "we want to see GD for Christmas" the reply would have been simple ..... how about we organise something for Boxing Day.......
they never learn the pitty pleas dont work after years of missuse! i coped simmilar from mine this year to. all year she bangs on about "THAT time of years comming again, wish it would go away" then carrys on at the last minute how noone has arranged anything, and she will be all on her own with just my sister.. she knows i go to my grandmas every year, she even went with me last year! yet she expected me to put on a thing at home for her!! (only mentioning this late last week)
im doing the same as you, let them sulk! bit of luck they realize and are more "spirited" about it next year!
Grrrr!!! That is a PITA! I have a MIL that NEVER asks directly for anything. I just completely ignore it now too, not that we have anything to do with them anymore.
My MIL invented a 'traditional' Christmas eve dinner to try and obligate us to turning up every year and then accused us of turning our back on family traditions when we told her we had other plans (it was alright for her to cancel Christmas Eve when she had better things to do but it was not okay for us to say that we had other plans). We refused to buy into it especially as DH said it never happened while he was a kid. If they had asked us and acted like grown up about it, we might have participated but the one year we did turn up, MIL threw a massive tanty that everyone expected her to do everything and it wasn't fair that she had to cook Christmas dinner despite refusing offers of help from all of us. DH and I didn't have kids at that stage and so we were left in the kitchen to do all the dishes by ourselves while everyone else opened presents. It was an awful night. Why on earth does she think we would go back and endure that again?
Pfft to emotional blackmail and passive aggresive tactics. For goodness sakes, she's your parent, she should be able to model better behaviour than that.
The only cure for other people's emotional blackmail attempts is to ignore them. The minute you buy into it you get sucked into the whole woe is me, let's rearrange the world to suit me, it's ALL ABOUT ME rubbish!
Maybe leave it a few days, then perhaps call and ask if she'd like to come over Boxing Day? That way your DD gets to see her and you have your mum playing by your rules. If she then makes a scene, just say "oh well, if you'd rather not, never mind". Or not. She'll learn eventually. Maybe.
Sounds like my MIL. especially the indirect sulky "woe is me" approach.
My MIL this year rang DH with a similar type of sook - she won't usually come near us at christmas, she spends it with one daughter in particular every year. The problem is that daughter is going away for christmas this year 'without' MIL. DH told MIL she is always welcome to visit us - but she was 'hinting' at not being able to afford to travel here; thus wanting us to offer to pay for her, or to travel (3000km) to visit her. Sorry, but no can do, even if we were inclined too. So she will most likely be spending christmas alone, unless she can suck one of DH's other siblings into turning their plans upside down to accomodate her. She has had more then enough time to organise something, she has known for 6mths SIL was going away: but I think she just 'expected' them to pay for and include her in their christmas trip as well.
Vent ~ What is it with Family and Christmas?
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they never learn the pitty pleas dont work after years of missuse! i coped simmilar from mine this year to. all year she bangs on about "THAT time of years comming again, wish it would go away" then carrys on at the last minute how noone has arranged anything, and she will be all on her own with just my sister.. she knows i go to my grandmas every year, she even went with me last year! yet she expected me to put on a thing at home for her!! (only mentioning this late last week)
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