Can you become a "people person"?

[toomanyshoes]

I'm insanely shy. I'm ok with people talking to me and can carry on the conversation but as for going up to someone and starting one thats another story.

I'm starting to think about what I'm going to do with myself this year now DD is starting full time school and I think some of the things I would like to do might not be feasible because of my shyness?

Am I making accuses? Or can I somehow learn to be a social butterfly?

[Neoma]

Hi, I am interested if anyone has any tips or ideas for this as well. I am extremely shy as well. I am ok once I warm up to someone, but that can take ages. I am even shy online. I come on here every day yet rarely post because of my shyness.

[Snowy Love]

Kylie, you sound just like me! Also subscribing for some tips.

[tellytubby]

subscribing too

[Arimeh]

I'm shy in real life - I find it hard to make conversations with people. However, I'm chatty online, which is what I really am like once you get to know me.

I think you can try to become a people person, but having said that - there's nothing wrong with being the shy type anyway

[toomanyshoes]

lol hopefully someone actually comes along to give us some tips

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Do you know WHY you are shy? As in, do you think nobody would listen to you? Do you not want to draw attention to yourself due to some previous trauma? I think finding the reason you are shy, and then deciding if your reason is valid or not will help you to either accept yourself as you are, shyness and all, or give you the motivation to change yourself. Make sense?

[toomanyshoes]

Do you know WHY you are shy? As in, do you think nobody would listen to you? Do you not want to draw attention to yourself due to some previous trauma? I think finding the reason you are shy, and then deciding if your reason is valid or not will help you to either accept yourself as you are, shyness and all, or give you the motivation to change yourself. Make sense?

Yeah I understand that, I know why I'm shy and it really isn't valid but it doesn't help my mind racing a million miles an hour once I'm thrown into a situation. I guess I'm after practical things I can do to get me out of my comfort zone and make me interact with people more.

For me is all comes down to how I feel about myself, worrying people are judging me because I'm over weight but loving me the way I am is a life long process for me and I want to be able to do something about the shyness now.

I guess I want to know its possible to go from extremely shy to being able to strike up a conversation on the stop where ever with whom ever.

[Sibbie]

I'm kinda the opposite... I am shy online (find it hard to post, always feel... Silly?) but IRL I find I'm that nutty woman who will chat to whoever I'm around. I never used to be like that, usually quite reserved, and I guess sometimes I'm still pretty shy (just depends on the situation I guess).

What I've found helps is starting with a smile. Seems silly, but as soon as you smile it seems to relax other people and then might open the way for a chat. I also give people the benefit of the doubt - what makes me shy is that I usually don't trust people, so if I think the best of people, it usually makes it easier to talk to them. Reminding myself they're normal, doing exactly what I'm doing, so why not chat if I feel like it? I do tend to have a different 'personality' I adopt when I'm feeling 'people person'-ey... Different to how I am with close friends and family etc... A bit more bubbly and confident I guess? I dunno... I feel like I'm rambling sorry.

My work helps too, I'm a receptionist, I have come to enjoy chatting with clients at the front desk and speaking with people on the phone (provided they're nice).

Mind you all that being said I guess I'm not a full on extrovert, I do find it draining to be 'on' and a 'people person' ALL the time...

Lol I hope that helps :/ maybe someone else will come along with better practical suggestions and less rambling

[Rivlas]

I think once you have children at school and you get involved it does help. I worked in a bank and would prefer to work at the desk instead of being a teller. Being forced to talk to customers face to face did help and I am alot more outgoing now in my 50's than I was in my 20-30's.

To this day I can find it hard to strike up a conversation with someone I don't know. It is easier in a shopping centre as to my thinking you will not see them again. weird I know but that's me.

All that being said I still like my "quiet space" and enjoy days spent at home on my own.

[Teeki]

I think you definitely can become a people person. I was massively shy when I was younger. Same as you, I was so nervous people would judge me, would think I wasn't good enough, or was stupid. I was also overweight and it ruined my self-confidence.

I also realised I was majorly dependant on my mum (not likely to be a factor for you I guess!) because this was back in school when I lived at home. She did everything for me, and when we went out I just stuck by her. I first started changing when I got a part-time job out of school hours - I worked the counter in a general store, I had to talk to people!

I got better again when I went to uni. I moved out of home, 2 hours away to the city. I was forced to meet, work with and talk to new people on a daily basis. I even made new best friends, I absolutely loved it. This helped me realise I am likable, people do listen to me, and they respect me enough to be my friend. So I pushed myself more. I enrolled in classes that none of my friends did, one even on a different campus. I just put myself out there, and discovered that I actually love meeting new people!

I'm now someone that you can't shut up lol. I love to be the centre of attention, I'll gladly do presentations at work, and I've generally come full circle. For me, it was a matter of putting myself out there, slowly stretching my comfort zone until the borders practically vanished.

I hope this helps a little, and good luck getting out there!

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[danniellabella]

I think it's all got to do with your confidence. I find myself that if I'm feeling really confident then I'm a lot more outgoing, but if my confidence and self esteem has taken a hit then I become very introverted. I'm a lot more introverted now than I was in my early 20's.

[lissy]

Arimeh's Eden Im a bit the same. Ive never been able to stand up and speak my mind in front of people right from school age. I would literally feel my heart beating out of my chest.

I was really stuck when I got together with DF coz he is a complete Hermit!! he has actually adopted all of my friends & will chat to some of the girls as much as I do lol.

I find I have the biggest problem saying no to people now & standing up for myself with people Im not comfortable around. Toomanyshoes Im overweight too & I think this does have a bit to do with it, but I also reached out to a few people I admired at one stage in my hobby and was just so greatful they were prepared to spend their time on me when all of a sudden they dropped me like a hot potato coz a certain 'friend' of mine had spitefully 'warned' them off of me Now THAT was a huge kick in the teeth for me & my confidence. I no longer have that friend and my confidence has improved heaps that I don't rely on other people to help me socialize.

I think you have to put yourself in the situation first, there's no easy way to do it, and you become more comfortable over time the more you do it. I find I don't make many friends through work, however have lifetime friends through my hobby .

[~Kim~]

My story is similar to Kaytee's.
I used to be so shy I could not hold a conversation. I far preferred to be invisible. I did not like people noticing me.
When I went to uni I chose a different course and uni to all my other friends. Not to be different, but that was just the way it went. So I had to make friends and stretch my zone a bit.
Then I got posted 6hours away from home, and heck, I was a nurse, I kinda had to speak to people, and strangers at that. I don't know how but it just kinda happened. I was doing something I loved to do so it wasn't so noticeable.
Then I joined the cops and well duh, have to be able to speak and be social for that job. One thing that changed me forever though was the self defence and forcing myself to look forward rather than at the ground (cops do this for safety but it's amazing how many people will smile back if you shoot them a smile). The boost in the "I can" (because I had to but that's by the by), really made a difference to me.
I went on to train a large group of often unknown cops.....

Anything that will boost your "I can" feelings will help. I found toastmasters a help when I was a kid too. A course in something you love, or even something you think is interesting to boost your belief in you. Something that makes you feel good (you know that brand new haircut invincibility?).
Then take that and smile at 5 people...5 strangers.
Practice that a little while, days/weeks and then move on to say hello to 5 people. Random people. You'll be surprised at how many will chat back.
I don't think there is an easy/comfortable way to do it. But a conscious "I want to beat this, I can do it" attitude will help stretch your boudaries.

[Cherished]

Hi girls, I am the total opposite of shy. But I have other challenges in life. I think whether you are shy or have some other challenge you wish to overcome the trick is practice and before you know it you'll be a changed woman So perhaps start small, have some friend over to your house where you feel comfortable and practice speaking up. Then you can extend that to attending social functions at your friends house with some people you don't know that well. Find the least intimidating person there and strike up a conversation with them. Even if you only get to "hello" it's a start. I'm sure you'll find that most people start talking back to you after a smile and and a "hi" and will be friendly especially if you are a a mutual friends house.