Honest answers please

[Now we're 3]

I am looking for honest answers please as to whether you think I'm just being silly to even think about trying IVF again. Sorry its a bit long.

My history so you know where we've been ............

I turned 43 in December. Our IVF miracle man is almost 16 months old. DH and I fell into the unknown reason category as to why we didn't fall pregnant naturally and because of my age we went straight to IVF rather than trying anything else first. It took four STIM cycles and 1 FET before I fell pregnant.

We started in Jan 2007 and and did 3 STIM cycles and 1 FET in that year. Got low pregnancy reading on the FET but levels were dropping when they did 2nd blood test and BPN on the other cycles. We transferred 5 day blasties each time. Egg production has always been fairly good 10-14 eggs and good fertilisation rate but as we got closer to the 5 days growth would start to slow down though we always had 1 Grade AA to transfer each time but only got frosties on one occasion.

After 4th failure at end of 2007 we took a break as emotionally I felt I couldn't handle another cycle. Was also going through very very stressful period in work so didn't believe (whether rightly or wrongly) that it would work when I was so stressed. At end of 2008 I was made redundant and decided to take summer off and relax. We started new STIM cycle begining of December (as I was turning 41) and bingo it worked !!!!!

When DS was born I said that was it we had our miracle baby and that was enough! However over the last few weeks I have been feeling sad that this might be it and just wonder maybe we could try again. It might be that quite of few of my mothers group friends are now expecting no 2 and a few of my friends are expecting no 1 so this might be triggering my feelings. I've also just returned to working so going through the emotional thing about DS being in childcare :-(

Given my age and how long it took to get pregnant the first time am I silly to even contemplate? I've had other girl friends whose 1st cycle with IVF worked and who just couldn't get no 2 (8 & 10 cycles respectively) which makes me think it probably wouldn't happen. Then with age there is also the increased risk of something going wrong.

What do you think. Should I just count my blessings and enjoy our little miracle or is it worth while having another go?

[grub17]

i'm afraid no one will be able to provide you with the answers you are after hun, cos it's your decision completely. None of us are living your life and your circumstances so a simple yes/no would be very difficult.

but i can hear where you are comign from although I do have the advantage of time on my side. I wanted to start trying for number 2 nearly as soon as number 1 popped out! it was like i was in a mad rush or something. it was a very very strong instinctual urge.

Here's our story... 3 yrs and 2 full cycles to get DS. wanted to use our last 2 frosties before a big move north in dec 2010, so 1st FET in October during a very stressful time of christening, bday parties, family visits and guess what! it took. First one, first go! can't believe it... still.

So you really can't tell whehter it'd work or not.

IVF is one of those horrid things that you are always left feeling "maybe one more will be the lucky one''. I think you need to ask yourself if you'll regret not trying again? If you can afford it and are prepared to accept a possibly negative outcome then maybe it's for you. But you know the emotional toll this shebang takes, and you also have a little one to think of as well and how it'd affect him.

Not sure if any of that helps, but I hope you find some peace in whatever decision you make.

So my answer is, nope don't think you are being silly at all but only you will know if it's truly the right thing to do, or just a phase with all the upheaval happening in your life with going back to work and your little one growing out of babyhood and into childhood.

[Lily Dust]

I cant give you the answers but if this is truely what you want then I dont believe you are silly to try again. If you dont try again are you going to forever have that 'what if' and wishes of having tried. IMO its better to have strived for what you want then to be left wondering....

The fact that you are in the unexplained catergory is a bonus, although it can be a frustrating not having any answers too that I completely understand. Our clinic claim that it takes the average couple at least 3-4 attempts for a BFP, not thats a help but just wanted you to know you arent alone in how many attempts you do. FWIW we did 11 cycles of assisted conception (IUI, IVF, FET etc) and never took home a baby. DD is the result of 5 years of failed IVF and deciding she decided it was time to naturally come earthside...so there is always natural hope.

its so hard making that big decision

HTH

[TaRhLi.]

I so wish I could give you a crystal ball to see what the future holds for you and I'm sending you "hugs" as the decision is such a hard one to make...

With DD, I undertook 1 Stim Cycle which resulted in 30 eggs being retreived (at the age of 35) of which 18 fertilised and 15 matured further. We had 1 fresh day 3 embryo transferred which resulted in a Chemical Pregnancy. With the remaining embryo's, 9 were frozen at Day 3 and the remaining 5 which didn't look to good were grown to day 5 to see if they would continue to grow - which they all did and were frozen.

We then undertook the task of doing FET's and decided to have 2 embryo's transferred at a time, it took 3 FET cycles (6 embryo's) to get DD and we were happy with that. I must admit that the last cycle when we got our BFP, I resigned from work due to stress and travel plus we moved house and I had other things on my mind. I think having something else apart from the transfer to focus on helped immensely.

This time around as we still had so many frozen embryo's, we decided to try for number 2. It was a decision we made to see if/would it work and if not then I would look to return to work after Xmas 2010 and we would be happy with being a family of 3. The first FET I decided to try our day 5's (2 transferred) as we had never used them before and wanted to see if they were any good - that transfer resulted in a BFN. Then I chose to go back to my remaining day 3's (again 2 transferred) as this is what worked to get DD and we got our BFP and now expecting twins. We still have 1 day 3 and 2 day 5's on ice (which we will not use) but I never expected any of the transfers to work, so this pregnancy was unexpected.

It is hard to say what will be best for you and your family and as you can see I have had more success using Day 3 embryo's, when some have more success with Day 5's. All I can recommend is to enjoy your little man and if you decide to make the leap to try for no 2, you will find that the process will be so much different as I think you are in a different frame of mind when you already have 1 miracle in your life IYKWIM. For us we tried for no 2 as a "want" to add to our family, where when we were trying for DD it was more of a "need" for us to have a family.

Good luck with whatever decision you make and keep us updated on your journey.

[Amy_jellybean]

I say go for it, if its something you really want then dont be left wondering.

I dont think age means anything personally. Look at how well Kelly D's eggs reacted!!! Im 22 and they got 11 eggs from me, only 5 of those could be used and of that only 2 survived to 3 day embies!

[1MOREPLZ]

i say go with YOUR heart hunni

[sunshine 11]

Being entirely honest (as requested!) I would be asking your FS for their opinion. Age isn't the determination of success on it's own, nor is how any of us have responded on our 1st, 2nd or 8th attempts, but rather how you react personally to drugs and the quality of your eggs. I always recommend my friends get a second opinion if they aren't happy with what their FS has said in order to get an idea of % of success - as everyone on here has said it's really a matter of luck and numbers, and your age is certainly a factor to be considered, but your FS is the best person to give an idea. IVF is really like playing deal or no deal and guessing what's in each case - you really never know, but maybe your FS can give you an idea of how many attempts is feasible before you can decide that you have given it your best shot so that you won't regret not having tried

[oneday86]

Hi now were 3! Like the others said no one can give you the answers its got to be the right decision for you and your DH. Your right you are very blessed to have a little boy but if you dont feel complete then why not give it a few goes?
Im 24 and my DH is 25 we have been trying to concieve for 2 years (1 year IVF) we have done 2 STIM cycles, 3 FET so in total 5 transfers and we are currently doing our 3rd STIM cycle now, im at that point where i just want one baby of our own but i too think that i will want number 2 after i have 1, my DH and i agreed we would try for number 2 for a few cycles and if it dosnt work out we will give up and be happy with 1 miracle. I dont think age is the key to how long it will take to work because DH and I are young and i keep getting "why are you putting 2 basties back at such a young age" from my nurses and im sick of it, i believe it comes down to the infertility problem. I hope this helps and i hope you find your answer xxxxx

[JBM]

this is only your decision to make but i think it is just reassurance you're probably wanting.

the thing i say to my DH is if we don't try again and then it's too late i'll always regret it.

good luck whatever your decision.

[LizLemon]

Hi Now We're Three

Like the other ladies have said noone can really tell you whether you should or shouldn't, but wow what a hard decision for you.

We took two years (three fresh (one OHSS freezeall) and two failed FETs) before we conceived our beautiful DS. To be honest the whole process nearly destroyed me and by the time DS came along I had so little left in reserves that I suffered PND for the first six months.

Having got past that and lived the last year loving every minute of being a little family of three, DH and I decided to try again for our second, assuming it would take just as long. We were so very lucky in that we had success with our first FET, an embie from the same cycle as DS.

What I found was that until I went back for treatment when DS was about 15 months old, life felt perfect. But then when I went back all the stress and worry and stigma of "infertility" came back onto my shoulders, and I coped with it far worse than I did the first time around. To be perfectly honest if we hadn't been successful so quickly I'm not sure I would have been able to keep going, but then I would have been in the horrible position of never knowing whether I did the right thing by stopping.

I guess what I'm trying to say to you is that you have a beautiful little family now, and if you think you will be able to give it a few (or however many) more tries, accepting that it may not work, and be happy with that, then I think you are in a good place to go back and try again. This is especially so if you think you will regret it if you don't go back to try again.

But if you think that if you were "reopen that IVF door" and be unsuccessful (and of course with anyone that risk is there) that it will cause you greater pain down the track, and take away from what you have already been blessed with then it is a far harder decision.

I also agree with Lairdoz - your FS is well placed to give you an opinion.

I hope what I've said makes sense and that I wasn't too honest. I wish you so much luck with making a very tough decision.