How do you do it without help?

[MrsFabuloso]

I am trying to psych myself up for next week when DH goes back to work and I will be left with our 3 kids alone for the first time. DH works a mixture of day/arvo/night shifts each block then has 2-3 days off work. DS2 is becoming quite clingy (yay...not) and will not sleep much through the day unless he's on someone, though when he finally does sleep he will sleep for a few hours. Through the night I'm up with him 3-4 times, sometimes for 1-2 hours at a time. DS1 needs someone to sleep with him, and often still wakes 1-2 times a night, DD occaisionally wakes through the night, though mostly sleeps through now. But she wakes early, usually around 6/630ish. So for me the days DH is working, I am not going to be sleeping much.
I have gone through DD and DS1 being difficult babies and terrible sleepers before, but the difference then was that we were living close to family and friends. Though I didn't ask for help often and wasn't very often offered any by anyone other than DH, I always knew that there was someone there to help out, I would often go to mums (usually once a week) and end up asleep on her lounge and she owuld take the kids outside for an hour or so to play so I could rest, plus those days she would cook dinner for us. Occaisionally I would leave DD with SIL for a few hours and just rest with DS1.
Now, we live 900km away from family and close friends. I am already struggling a bit with the tiredness, plus I am anaemic too which is making it all the more difficult. I get terribly moody when I am tired. My anxiety levels rise and my moods decline. The house is a bomb already and that's with the two of us home.
I just don't want to end up in the state I was in when DS1 was little. Or when DD was a new born. I think I had PND both those times, but the doctor kept on saying I was just tired. I am actually enjoying my baby and children now. I am coping and liking being a mum, but I can see when DH isn't here to help like he is, I will struggle. There have been a few times which he has gone out or had a nap and I just yell at the big kids and DS2 crying sends me over the edge and I end up bawling too. I don't want to be that mother again. How do I do it without DH's help all the time and not fall apart?? I can already feeel my anxiety levels rising and he's not due back to work til Monday!

[black_rose]

Spend lots of time with them, play games and encourage them to help you clear up the mess.

Same with meals, they can put their cups and plates in the sink and let them wipe the table.

Sleeping is tricky, especially if they can't settle. All I can suggest is try to encourage the ones who aren't sleeping to play quietly independently.

Don't stress about housework too much in the first few weeks you need to get into a routine first.

[Arimeh]

Don't stress out, that's the main thing.

Housework will always be there, take some shortcuts to make you feel better if you have to. Have a basket or box in each room and chuck stuff that doesn't belong in there randomly through the day. I do most of my housework on the weekends when I have help. I sweep a few times a day, but vac once a week.

Do you have a sling?

I also prepare dinner when the most clingy one is asleep during the day. Either cook it to reheat it or just cut up stuff to throw in together.

TV for older kids is good at this time too lol DS plays a lot on the computer and we are currently teaching him to heat up his and his sisters milk, making bowls of cereal etc, just to help me out if I need it.

I have to admit that 3 was pretty easy most days, it's the thought of having 4 that is making me poop my pants at the moment!!!

So don't stress, take time out for a coffee and sit down when you can. Everything else can wait.

[Mak]

Have some quiet/sit down time for everyone each day. We put on a movie and have a lie down after lunch (on the non sleep days which is almost everyday) and that includes me.
I bulk cook and freeze the extras for days it gets too hard - so simple stuff like spag bol, lasagne, zucchini slices, curries etc. I go back to basics and we have simple stuff and I don't worry about it anymore!!! Beans on toast/eggs are great and healthy for the kids too. I also keep some bread frozen in the freezer so we don't run out, long life milk in the cupboard JIC it is too hard to get out.
I have nearly given up on the housework, lol! Well in comparison to how I 'used' to be....so I do a quick clean up after breaky, washing out (I also try to do this at night if possible) and then play with the kids. I do try to ignore it all until the kids sit for dinner and then do a bit of a quick tidy up. They bath after dinner and then play/read quietly so it is actually worth cleaning up at this point (most of the time)! I have started using an egg timer to have a clean up competition before dinner which seems to work pretty well for my 2.
I know I only have 2 but we often have very little sleep and that seems to knock everyone around. Anxiety wise I found things better when I got outside for a bit, parks, bubbles outside or just sitting on the front step watching the world go by! Also being a bit realistic about what I could acheive....and giving myself permission to enjoy the kids whilst they still think I am pretty cool! xxx

[Michelle71]

Do what you can, when you can.

I send the big ones (same age as yours) to bed together in the evening which has worked surprisingly well. Washing on at night, hung out in the morning while the big ones have breakfast. Dinner is done during their afternoon nap / rest. They both rest regardless of sleep for at least an hour. Defuses their overstimulated behaviour. And a sling. I could not survive without the sling.

[MrsFabuloso]

Thanks everyone. I think my biggest problem is that DS2 is so unsettled. Tonight and last night for example, he has barely slept all day, except little cat naps, and except for a sleep with me for 2hrs today. At bed time for the big kids he's the most unsettled. I just have no idea how I will do it on my own especially at night.

Arrgh, gotta go he's awake.....

[Mak]

Lilias - I hope he slept better for you. I have been thinkign about you all and was wondering if you have explored any occasional care options where you are. Not sure how you feel about the idea of care but maybe a few hours a week would give you some time to just deal with bubs and have a break from juggling all 3?? It may not be what you had wanted. Changes at any time are stressful, but new family dynamics and moving are a few big ones all at once. Take it easy today - xxx