Hi
I never thought I'd be posting in the miscarriage threads, I guess you never think it will happen to you.
After everything I went through last year, (I had brain surgery to cure me of a cruel disease Cushings Disease, I had to still be mummy to a 3 year old while I was recovering and am on a lot of medications as I now naturally have no hormones - I had hormone injections to fall pregnant, I was the longest "cycle" of needle the doc had ever had) I fell pregnant with twins.
There was always a "little twin" and I had a feeling in the back of my mind that he/she would not have a smooth run, he/she never seemed active as the other one, he/she would just kinda roll from side to side instead of kicking like the "big twin".
So at 5.5weeks I had twins, one 3 days smaller than the other, at 8.5 weeks I had two heart beats both still growing at same pace, at 10 weeks I had twins (that little twin fine to the doctors but not to me), at 14 weeks, my little twin had not grown since the 10 week scan and there was no heartbeat present.
That was the Monday before Christmas, all the cards and letters had gone out announcing I was pregnant with twins, by 14 weeks I was starting to think about getting 2 of everything and selling my car etc etc I got given the second cot the day before I found out the little twin was lost.
At the 19 week scan, my big twin is doing so so well, we did not find out what we were having... the little twin was still there, and still only 3.07cm, it is apparently going to get smaller as the big twin gets bigger and get absorbed in my body, there still may be a bit left by the time the big twin is born.
Someone asked me what I had named it and of course at 10-14weeks there is no way to know if it was a boy or a girl but I thought Tammy was nice, Tammy means twin.
My big twin will always know we had a little twin that didnt make it, and as I am a very open person EVERYONE basically knows that there were two and now there is one.
It is hard though, I know most people who lose a baby dont have another one to think about, they have nothing, so I almost feel like what has happened doesnt matter, I still have one baby in there growing and kicking and I am so so so so lucky.
My 3 year old understands that the baby has died, and her daycare teacher died in the floods so now she knows that he is looking after the baby up there.
She was my rock as my hubby is always working she would cuddle me whenever she could tell I was thinking about the baby.
I have a anterior placenta so I try not to get worried when I dont feel the baby for a while, as I know from having an anterior placenta with DD is is perfectly normal but so so so hard when the little twin had stopped living and I didnt know for so long.
Not sure why I posted but maybe if someone else has lost a twin early in the pregnancy and still had one healthy twin could share their thoughts it would help me, I understand it is quite common.
Big to you duckyboos. I don't have twins, but I have suffered multiple losses, so I just wanted to say that just because you are still expecting a baby, doesn't mean you don't have the right to grieve for what you and your family have lost. It must be very bittersweet, still being pregnant
There are women here who've been through the same thing, hopefully they'll be in soon
I have been there myself, less than 12 months ago, and I completely understand the emotions that you are going through. It is a difficult time as you are grieving the loss of Little Twin, but also trying to be happy that you still have Big Twin, so it is just a big jumbled mess of emotions. It isn't easy, it does get easier but there are always times when you can't help but wonder.... I am sitting here now looking at my precious DD2 and wonder what life would have been like with two..... but she is the most gentle, precious little soul and we are eternally grateful to have her here as we nearly lost her as well on numerous occassions.
Our story is in our sig, but it may be too raw for you now, but I know that when i was going through it reading stories of hope really helped me, a beautiful Mod directed me to one and it really gave me the hope that I was looking for.
Take care duckyboos and be gentle with yourself xxoo
My mum always told me the open truth about it all.
My sister (mum didnt find out twin 2 was a girl til she asked 6 years later when my younger sister was born) died at 4-5 mths, she had passed by the time my mum knew she was expecting twins though but it was still very hard for her. My twin was partially absorbed by the time i was born though there for wasn't a recorded birth.
I hope you dont mind me sharing my story as well
hugs hun, sorry you have had to go through with it.
I'm so sorry for your loss of Little Twin. My story is a bit different as I had a bleed early on and found out then that I was losing a twin, so I was torn between grief at losing a baby and being so incredibly grateful that I was still pregnant when I thought I would have to try again. I still think about how life would be if I had both, but Sammy is so wonderful that mainly I'm just overjoyed that he's here and safe. Look after yourself, it's ok to grieve one twin while loving the other.
sorry to hear about beautiful Tammy,
just no that just because you still have one healthy bub doesnt mean you dont have the right to feel sad and to grieve like anyone else.
be kind to yourself, sounds like your DD is gonna make one hell of a big sister
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Little twin lost...
to you duckyboos. I don't have twins, but I have suffered multiple losses, so I just wanted to say that just because you are still expecting a baby, doesn't mean you don't have the right to grieve for what you and your family have lost. It must be very bittersweet, still being pregnant
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