Am I asking my 8 year old to do too much?

[lilmisspositive]

Seriously banging my head up against the wall atm.

DD will be 9 in May. I am huge with structure and routine, I also feel that dd needs it.

She has a bedtime of 7pm. This was going to be changed to 7 30 lights out... but in the last few days.. hmmmm.

I judge her bedtime on how she is in the morning. If she is tired and dragging it.. I can guarantee that she has not got to sleep until past 7:30.

Anyways, she has always had a chore list.. Not much.. dishwasher, clean up after yourself, make bed, tidy room, make lunch.

The past two weeks has been unbearable!! She has left containers at school, lost her water bottle dilly, dally's around.

I decided that I will do a chart similar to when she was three, except no visuals this time.. obviously as she can read. But she has to have it ticked off and signed by me. Before we leave, it is checked by me. I have found she has ticked things off and has not done them. *I think she is testing to see if I am checking them..

I am left frustrated, annoyed and disappointed as last year she did this each morning with no problems. *She has had similar routine since year 2.

Now here is what has changed, we switched schools so now she takes a bus. Which means we leave here at 7:20 instead of 8:00.

We have a baby coming in a few weeks...

Am I being too hard on her? Should my expectations change as she gets older? Yes, they should be higher but not lower?

I am so frustrated and ready to lose it. In the scheme of things, I just want to know what to do.

I thought about sitting her down and asking her what should be her punishment if these things are done... I do not know.

Btw we do move to the chores to afternoon. but she will spend 2 hours doing 20 minutes worth of stuff!!!

Please help. Do you have an 8 year old? Is this normal?

[shellbell3]

How is she going at the new school? Could this change in normal behaviour be linked to her being unsettled there? Is she happy there?

[Nai]

She has some massive changes going on in her life at the moment - starting a new school is a big deal, especially as there is a new routine to go along with it. She is also about to become a sister after being an only child for almost 9 years - she may be anxious about this as she will know that there will be changes but she is unlikely to be able to comprehend exactly what the impact will be on her.

I would be likely to cut her some slack at this point and gradually build up the expectations for her once things have settled down a bit - in all likelihood things will change again when the new baby arrives. I would sit down with her and ask her how she is feeling, if she is concerned about anything, find out what she is struggling with and then you can talk about how you can work together to make things easier for everyone. Then once the baby is here work with her to do her chore list so that she has some input into it and can take some ownership of it.

[lilmisspositive]

Hey Shell bell. I email the teacher weekly and she is fitting in according to him and the on duty teacher. She is also a joiner and has joined cheerleading. : ) I was not too certain and this was was my first port of call but he has said only minor things that would be considered "teething" problems would be apparent in his eyes. : )

Thank Nai, we have considered her in every choice we have made regarding the baby, she has a little brother *my ex's child. Though this will be the first time she has a full time sibling. I think if there would be any problem it would be her upset that her relationship with dh would change as they are very very close. He is already stepped up and spoke of this on occasion and whilst she is reassured that "no, things will not be the same once baby arrives but she has to remember she will not have as much time to spend with us either as she will want to spend time with baby. I have always been honest and up front.

As for is this normal for an 8 year old, I have just spoken with some classmates of dd and have found out that they are having exactly the SAME issue in the morning. They have told me to stick with my guns as this is a testing time and maybe just switch it so chores get done in the arvo instead of the morning. They have also assured me that what I am asking is not too much. And by not giving her chores or by picking up after her, I am going backwards not forwards. Exactly what I needed to hear!! Apparently, this is the age where it starts to get fun and although she does have some big changes happening... I know dd. She is pretty good with change as we have traveled overseas since she was 3 months old. : )
So hopefully if the other mothers are right, this is normal... I am feeling just a little better today.

Thanks ladies oh and if someone happens to have an 8 year girl that could relate please let me know.. : )

[MissM]

You are not alone sweety! My 8yo (only just now 9yo) was doing the same thing. Yes it could be all the changes yada yada, but you know what, they need to know that no matter what happens chores still need to be done! I am quite strict with my DD too. She cleans her room, does her homework and her own lunch & recess. She also is expected to help with other chores when we need it.

There is no harm in asking if things are ok at school, but I think its just the stage they go through. At 1 stage, I threatened to throw everything out of DD's room!!

I am not too sure of your daughter, but mine has hit puberty, so it add a whole new ball game of emotions in the mix! Like having a 15yo tanty

Oh - I also asked myself the same question about my expectations! We've been in the same routine since kindy (now yr 4) so there is no excuse! I do admit, I allow DD to go to bed at 8:30 and we are up at 6am

[Cranky Kitten]

My DD is also 8, will be 9 in March - and although she lives with her dad I've found she's doing similar things when she's here with us.

We don't really ask a lot of her, other than tidying her room, keeping her bathroom tidy and putting her clothes in the wash. I'm thinking about starting to get her to help with the dishes, but she's only with us 2 days a fortnight so don't really want that time to be all about chores. This will change when she comes to live with us fulltime in a couple of years (we're looking at year 7).

Most of the time it was a constant "are you done yet" to get her to do her room, then we'd go check and she'd only half done it, or having to remind her to empty the bathtub when she's finished with it and to take her clothes out of the bathroom. She is getting better now though. I'd say give it time, keep the consistency and things will gradually start to improve.