calling all SAHMs - how often do you ...

[peanutter]

Ok, so for those who don't know me, I'm a full time career mum, with the most beautiful little 9 month old bubba at home with his wonderful full time SAHD.

DH doesn't get much done from day to day, and it's starting to drive me nuts.

When I'm at home (if I have the day of work, etc) I get tons done - but it's not my standard day, IYHKWIM.

And (to play devil's advocate a little more) the only time I've been at home long term (since before I went to kindergarten!) was the 10 weeks I got off from 1 week before DS was born, until he was 9 weeks old - and he slept beautifully! So I got tons done then, too ...

So, there are all these things which in my mind should get done a couple of times a week, or daily, or whatever, and I'm wondering whether my ideas are pie in the sky ... so I'm hoping to hear back from some SAHMs to find out whether I'm being realistic!

So I'd love to know how often you do the following things:-

• top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO
• outside time with LO
• cleaning dogs' bowls
• brushing cat and/or dog
• bathing LO
• bathing dogs
• shopping
• cleaning toilets
• cleaning basins
• cleaning bath/shower
• dishes (by hand)
• washing cloth nappies
• washing other clothes
• full cooked dinner
• walk with LO
• walking dogs
• vacuum floors
• sweep/mop floors
• vacuum couch
• wash sheets - LO
• wash sheets - yours!
• cleaning benchtops
• cleaning stove
• mow lawn
• weeding/pruning
• cleaning the fridge
• general tidy
• cobwebbing
• sweeping the porches
• cleaning the car (inside)
• cleaning the car (outer)
• dusting
• cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc
• filing/paperwork
• whatever I'm forgetting!

Just wanting to make sure I'm encouraging DH to do what is needed, without being one of those stereotypical 1950s husbands screetching, "but what did you DO all day?!?"

TIA

[Winter]

Hardly ever! 9 months is FULL ON parenting! I bet he is lucky to sit down for lunch most days! I know that I struggle to get a lot of stuff done & its pointless to even try.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Will come back tomorrow in comp to copy and paste proper answers.

[Astrid]

Oh wow. If my DH expected me to call those things done either a couple of times week, I would be heading down to my nearest family lawyer and I am not joking.

A number of those things you listed are no where near monthly jobs, let alone weekly or daily. Will give it a go though:

top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO - umm as needed
outside time with LO - a couple of times day - often when hanging out the washing
cleaning dogs' bowls - when needed (change dog for cat)
brushing cat and/or dog - rarely, as needed
bathing LO - DH and I do that nightly
bathing dogs - see cleaning car outside
shopping - once or twice a week, often DH helps
cleaning toilets - once or twice a week (on a good week)
cleaning basins - a couple of times a week
cleaning bath/shower - once a fortnight
dishes (by hand) - dishwasher here, so on daily plus hand washing daily
washing cloth nappies - na
washing other clothes - daily
full cooked dinner - normally 6 nights a week, back in DD1's first year, DH did most of the cooking as I was struggling
walk with LO - er no, don't live in a walking area
walking dogs - see cleaning car outside
vacuum floors - once every week or two
sweep/mop floors - sweep couple of times daily - mop every week or two
vacuum couch - once a month
wash sheets - LO - fortnightly
wash sheets - yours! - fortnightly
cleaning benchtops - daily
cleaning stove - after cooking
mow lawn - that is for DH
weeding/pruning - that is for DH, but sometimes I help
cleaning the fridge - as needed
general tidy - most days
cobwebbing - when it irratates me too much
sweeping the porches - as above
cleaning the car (inside) - not going there
cleaning the car (outer) - not going there, pay someone else to do it. Last time I tried the dog got run over
dusting - when it irritates me too much
cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - ummm seasonal thing
filing/paperwork - as needed

[butterfly_warrior]

I know I deal with chronic illness, so what I can get done in a day is probably nothing in comparison to most people, but I'd be lucky if I actually manage to do ONE thing from that list each day.

[grub17]

hi peanutter,

I have found the older DS gets the harder it is to get stuff done. It was MUCH easier when he was newborn and sleeping etc for me to do the housework than it is now he's only napping once, scared of the vac, attached to my leg, getting into 'something' he shouldn't or "helping'' lol.

However, i do a big clean about once a week - so that's the bathrooms/toilets/dusting etc
WAshing up is done at least 3 times a day and all benches wiped, front of cupboards wiped - i hate a messy kitchen.
Child washed daily. Dog can shake herself off and stay outside, lol but she gets bathed every few weeks. She gets a game every day but not walked as often as we'd like.
Floors get done about twice a week, but that's getting difficult cos i"m preggy and have a bad back.
I wash nappies every 2nd day and I do two or three loads of our washing through the week. We then do one big washing day at the weekend as well -that does mats/towels/sheets
I do get dinner done about half the time, but DH also helps with this as DS just goes feral about that time in the arvo and it's difficult for me. the slow cooker is my friend.
We go out and play outside everyday unless rain
Walk about 2/3 times a week
Go to 2 playgroups; a coffee group and swimming lessons - that takes up four mornings a week.
I do all the grocery shopping - so probably twice a week, soemtimes more.
I don't do the cars at all or the outside stuff - that's dh's domain.
I put paper work aside for filing but DH always ends up filing it lol

I'm getting slacker as i get more preggy but i'd say i do the bare minimum. But DS always has freshly made meals, clean nappies and clothes, and lots of play with me and other kids. He really takes up a lot of my time, and then i try to potter around and get what i can done.

If i don't get dinner cooked, floors swept or washing done, DH either does it or says nothing. He knows DS can be a real handful and sometimes once they are asleep you just want to lay down for a rest yoursefl... or finally have that hot cuppa you were trying to get at 8am!

At the end of the day I often say to DH "i've been really busy, just don't ask me what i've done!" and It's like flipping ground hog day too... sometimes it just really gets you down cleanign the same thing over and over iykwim. Oh and children are messy!

Hope that helps. I think it depends on how each child is to handle and expectations. For me, it's a sense of pride to have my housework done - i feel like it's MY job now and i feel really crappy if DH has to do any of it (not that he minds or sees it like that).

[Fleur]

I'm working part time now. But in my SAHM days I'd be lucky to get that list done in a week.. or two....

[Phteven]

* top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO) Once a day if I didn't pop them in the bath
* outside time with LO - does going to the shop count?
* cleaning dogs' bowls - I just throw my dogs food in the garden so she has to 'hunt' for it. Closer to nature that way, keeps her busy and no bowls to wash. Do people wash dog's bowls?
* brushing cat and/or dog - dog weekly or as needed. cat never.
* bathing LO - daily
* bathing dogs - does taking her to the lake for a swim count?
* shopping - daily.
* cleaning toilets - weekly or if there is a skid mark
* cleaning basins - weekly
* cleaning bath/shower - weekly
* dishes (by hand) - when they are dirty
* washing cloth nappies - no idea
* washing other clothes - 1 load a day
* full cooked dinner - most nights but eggs on toast counts
* walk with LO - that's going to the shop
* walking dogs - she comes to the shop
* vacuum floors - as needed
* sweep/mop floors - as needed
* vacuum couch -as needed
* wash sheets - LO - when they get dirty
* wash sheets - yours! - mondays
* cleaning benchtops - as needed
* cleaning stove - as needed
* mow lawn - DH does that or I get a gardner
* weeding/pruning - whatting??
* cleaning the fridge - when it gets embarressing
* general tidy - as needed
* cobwebbing - cobwhatting?
* sweeping the porches - when it gets noticbley in need of a sweep
* cleaning the car (inside) - I take it to the car wash once a fortnight
* cleaning the car (outer) - carwash does it
* dusting - when I see dust
* cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - nope,
* filing/paperwork - when I can't see my desk
* whatever I'm forgetting! -

[Kazbah]

I'm not a SaHM but did stay home for the first year with Pip, so hope this helps


So I'd love to know how often you do the following things:-

top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO - twice daily
outside time with LO - never (no outside!)
cleaning dogs' bowls - daily
brushing cat and/or dog - ummmmmm
bathing LO - weekly ( he had showers though)
bathing dogs - fortnightly
shopping - twice weekly (walking down to the shops)
cleaning toilets - 1-2 days
cleaning basins - same as the toilets
cleaning bath/shower - weekly
dishes (by hand) - twice daily, although sometimes they'd pile up to every 2 days
washing cloth nappies - every 3 days
washing other clothes - when there was a load complete!
full cooked dinner - every second day - I would cook double meals and alternate cooking / non cooking days
walk with LO - 2-3 times / week
walking dogs - with LO
vacuum floors - daily
sweep/mop floors - vacuum with carpet (not sweep) mop weekly
vacuum couch - day before mothers' group meeting!!!!!
wash sheets - LO - weekly unless mucky
wash sheets - yours! - weekly
cleaning benchtops - after every meal prep
cleaning stove - no stove, but hotplates after every use
mow lawn - no lawn
weeding/pruning - no garden
cleaning the fridge - before major shops (so about once a fortnight)
general tidy - each night
cobwebbing - about once a month or as needed
sweeping the porches - fortnightly
cleaning the car (inside) - his car, I left it alone
cleaning the car (outer) - about once / month
dusting - weekly
cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - never
filing/paperwork - his job
whatever I'm forgetting! --> ironing / folding - ironing once/week, folding daily

TBH, with washing (you forgot towels!) I'd do a load every day. Nappies got thrown in with the towels, so the main thing was washing wasn't piling up, and neither was folding.
flylady does help with routines and doing stuff in 15-minute breaks, which is handy with a young bub. stuff like washing the car became "me time". But we were lucky with Pip's naps, when his naps were more erratic, nothing was achieved.

I'm in the same boat as you, and I'm in the process of sorting out with DH what chores he will do and I will do after work. For me, a priority is for DH to have time out from the kids, I know how impossible it was when DH would come home and I'd have a horrid day where all I'd be doing is rocking the baby and he would walk in the door, I'd hand him the kid and go for a walk - so encourage him to take the dog walk as a "timeout" for him.

[ss_storm]

• top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO - never?? She gets a bath every night and wash her face after every meal instead
• outside time with LO - depends on the day really, if I have washing to hang out then we'll play after that and we take the dog for a walk every day in the park so I class that as 'outside' time as well.
• cleaning dogs' bowls - err..hardly ever! He licks his food bowl pretty clean, and his water bowl is one of those clam shell pools so I just give it a good hose out whenever it gets a bit yuck.
• brushing cat and/or dog - definitely not as often as i should! Especially now as soon as we are outside with him DD races over going "pat pat pat" and if Itry and brush him she wants the brush soo it's just all too hard..lol
• bathing LO - every night
• bathing dogs - again not as often as I should but he goes swimming regularly so is kind of self cleaning
• shopping- grab things more on an 'as needs' basis, we are only a couple of blocks from the supermarket so I find it's easier to walk up there every few days and get what we actually need, rather than driving up to do a big shop once a week. If it wasn't so convenient I'd do it once a week, but that would entail more work (i.e. better meal planning and list writing!)
• cleaning toilets - weekly when the bathroom is done
• cleaning basins- weekly
• cleaning bath/shower- weekly
• dishes (by hand)- every night (dishwasher for regular dishes)
• washing cloth nappies- every 2nd or 3rd day
• washing other clothes- when the laundry basket is full, maybe one load every 3 days?
• full cooked dinner- try and cook most nights, but on average we would have takeaway once a week.
• walk with LO- most mornings when we take the dog out
• walking dogs- daily, sometimes twice a day if the weather is great
• vacuum floors- once a week (should probably be more, often it's more like every week and a half or every two weeks )
• sweep/mop floors- after it's been vac'ed
• vacuum couch- not very often
• wash sheets - LO - try and do it weekly
• wash sheets - yours! - should be weekly, probably ends up being fortnightly!
• cleaning benchtops- wipe down after breakfast and after dinner, or if it gets really filthy
• cleaning stove- monthly..or before a rental inspection...I always look at it and think I must clean that tomorrow..and of course tomorrow never comes
• mow lawn- when it needs doing, often it's left until it's quite long and is desperate to be done!
• weeding/pruning- err...when there is more grass than garden?!
• cleaning the fridge- twice a week before I take the rubbish out
• general tidy- pick up DD's toys every night, if I know I'm going to a certain room and there is something in the room I'm in that needs to go there I'll take it.
• cobwebbing- when the spider webs start to annoy me
• sweeping the porches
• cleaning the car (inside)- before a big trip
• cleaning the car (outer)- when I can't see out the windscreen
• dusting- when i can write my name in it
• cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc- don't have any of them!
• filing/paperwork- judging by the gigantic pile of paperwork sitting on a desk...every 6 months?! Lol

Maybe just give him a list of the most important things that need doing that day/week and try not to worry about the other stuff. e.g. leave the mowing/paperwork/cleaning out rooms etc until you are both home and can do it together. When you think about it, child care is a full time job in itself so it can be hard to find the time (and sometimes the motivation, because looking after a child really can drain your energy reserves) to fit in housework.
And once DS is on the move there doesn't seem to be much point in tidying up, because they'll only come along behind you and undo all your work!

for the moment, I'd just try and enjoy your DS, do the important housework things for hygiene's sake, the rest can wait. Housework is loyal like that and he really will grow up far too quickly so make the most of it while you can!

*Disclaimer: we live really close to the park/walking track along the river (like I block away) so it only takes a couple of minutes to get there and it's just become part of our morning routine which is why we go walking so often! If we didn't live so close or I had to drive to be able to get to somewhere walkable I'd probably be lucky to go 2-3 times/week.

[black_rose]

Hmmmm have to agree with Astrid, but will answer and give you a run down.

top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO face/hands after eating, bum after nappy changes
outside time with LO - whenever we can try for once maybe twice a day
cleaning dogs' bowls - once a week
brushing cat and/or dog - never
bathing LO - DH does all three
bathing dogs - once a month
shopping - once or twice plus online once a fortnight
cleaning toilets - we have three one is daily others weekly
cleaning basins - as above
cleaning bath/shower - once f/night by a cleaner
dishes (by hand) - dishwasher once maybe twice a day
washing cloth nappies - everyday
washing other clothes - daily
full cooked dinner - everynight
walk with LO - too hilly
walking dogs - never
vacuum floors - every other day
sweep/mop floors every other day
Cleaner also does floors including stairs once a fortnight
vacuum couch - dunno!
wash sheets - LO - as needed
wash sheets - yours! - fortnightly
cleaning benchtops - daily
cleaning stove - after cooking
mow lawn - DH
weeding/pruning - DH
cleaning the fridge - once a month
general tidy - everyday
cobwebbing - never have any hate spiders so asap!
sweeping the porches - dh
cleaning the car (inside) - when it's full!
cleaning the car never - long story but usually pay while shopping to get it done
dusting - cleaner
cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc just moved so all done
filing/paperwork - as it comes in

We have a cleaner to help as we have three bathrooms, stairs and I just dont have the time to do it after chasing three kids. I also take them all swimming, have one dancing and mchn, dr's appointments etc.

My best advice is just come home spend 10 minutes doing what is bugging you the most so you can sit and have time together.

[Phteven]

[LIST]
Maybe just give him a list of the most important things that need doing that day/week and try not to worry about the other stuff

If DH ever gave me a list he might end up with paper cuts in one of his orrofices

[Traveller]

I have been a stay at home mum for 6 years, so here are my answers for an average day

• top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO - daily
• outside time with LO - daily
• cleaning dogs' bowls - as needed, maybe weekly
• brushing cat and/or dog - never (short haired dog)
• bathing LO - every 2nd day
• bathing dogs - never, unless he gets a swim at the beach
• shopping - a couple of times a week
• cleaning toilets - twice a week
• cleaning basins - twice a week
• cleaning bath/shower - after use
• dishes (by hand) - once a fortnight (we normally use the dishwasher)
• washing cloth nappies - daily
• washing other clothes - daily
• full cooked dinner - daily
• walk with LO - 3 times a week
• walking dogs - 3 times a week
• vacuum floors - twice a week, more if really messy
• sweep/mop floors - as vacuuming
• vacuum couch - once a week
• wash sheets - LO - once a week
• wash sheets - yours! - once a week
• cleaning benchtops - as needed, so maybe a couple of times a day
• cleaning stove - after use
• mow lawn - never, it mows itself (although hubby seems to get covered in short grass clippings about twice a month)
• weeding/pruning - never
• cleaning the fridge - twice a year
• general tidy - daily
• cobwebbing - when I see one
• sweeping the porches - n/a
• cleaning the car (inside)- never
• cleaning the car (outer) - never
• dusting - almost never
• cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - once a year
• filing/paperwork - once a quarter
• whatever I'm forgetting!

Basically I try to keep the house tidy, and have a meal ready each night. But things like cleaning the car/mowing the lawns are weekend jobs that DH does, and TBH I try to avoid shopping with the kids. My days are spent reading stories, going to the park and doing things like that. My mum always told me to try and get one household chore done a day, on top of dishes and laundry, and that would be enough. Your kids will not remember if there was dust collected on top of the TV, but they will remember if you read them stories and tickled them and made every waking minute a game.

[Nelle]

• top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO) - When they were 9 months? Never? Bums were cleaned at nappy changes or bathtime (every few days, unless they got dirty before that). Faces when we were going out.
• outside time with LO - At 9 months? Maybe if I had to be outside for something, I'd let them toddle along with me. They do like to eat everything at that age though...
• cleaning dogs' bowls - n/a
• brushing cat and/or dog - n/a
• bathing LO - every couple of days? We have a hose attachment for the bath, so that's handy too, for quick rinses.
• bathing dogs - n/a
• shopping - online, or at night once partner is home, or get partner to grab stuff on the way home, or go together on the weekend.
• cleaning toilets - that's his job. But...weekly?
• cleaning basins - Err...less than weekly...monthly?
• cleaning bath/shower - whenever I want a long shower
• dishes (by hand) - I never did them when it was by hand...that's why we got a dishwasher. I'd get him to wash and I'd dry and put away and we'd talk about his day.
• washing cloth nappies - no more than every second day, but that's how cloth nappies rolled for us.
• washing other clothes - when the basket got full or we started to run out of clothes.
• full cooked dinner - when they day had gone well. Often he'd get home and entertain the kids to free me up for dinner. If this is an issue, a slow cooker might be his friend.
• walk with LO - when I needed to walk, or when LO needed to burn some energy. But at 9 months they can do that pretty well inside.
• walking dogs - n/a
• vacuum floors - just before guests come.
• sweep/mop floors - as above, or when I start to get annoyed at crumbs sticking to my feet
• vacuum couch - rarely.
• wash sheets - LO - when they dirty them. Or on a nice hot day.
• wash sheets - yours! - as above
• cleaning benchtops - daily (but it's in the middle of our house, and it makes a huge difference).
• cleaning stove - just before the MIL comes. Or she cleans it.
• mow lawn - his job. When we start to wonder what the neighbours think.
• weeding/pruning - as above.
• cleaning the fridge - about 2 weeks after something spills
• general tidy - I do a sort of sweep of the house once the kids are in bed. Before that it's pointless. I have cane baskets I chuck miscellaneous mess into throughout the day to keep it looking tidy.
• cobwebbing - very occasionally.
• sweeping the porches - it's too windy here, they sweep themselves.
• cleaning the car (inside) - errr. rarely.
• cleaning the car (outer) - when he wants to escape the kids.
• dusting - before vacuuming. Sometimes.
• cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - when it's hard rubbish or we have extra room in the bin.
• filing/paperwork - not often.
• whatever I'm forgetting!

Don't forget that the hardest thing about getting stuff done with kids is the constant interruptions. It's hard to stay focussed on any task. I think it's reasonable to expect him to do stuff while bub is asleep, but not every day goes as planned. I used to have a plan that DH and I agreed on, where Monday would be general tidying and clothes washing, Tuesday would be general tidying and sweeping, Wednesday would be general tidying and .... - and so if I was having a crud day, all I needed to accomplish was those, and if I didn't get them done while bub was awake, I had til the end of the day to do it. So he'd sometimes come home, and distract the kids while I snuck out and did the laundry or whatever.

[*Sparklez*]

top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO) - twice daily depending on the weather
outside time with LO -as much as i cancleaning dogs' bowls - daily
brushing cat and/or dog - i dont have any pets
bathing LO - daily
bathing dogs - again no animals
shopping - 2-3 times a week
cleaning toilets - daily
cleaning basins - daily
cleaning bath/shower - daily
dishes (by hand) - 5 times a day.. maybe more
washing cloth nappies - no nappies
washing other clothes - daily
full cooked dinner - every night bar one
walk with LO - 2 times a week
walking dogs - lol no animals
vacuum floors - daily
sweep/mop floors - daily
vacuum couch - daily
wash sheets - LO - weekly
wash sheets - yours! - weekly
cleaning benchtops - after every time i use it
cleaning stove - daily
mow lawn - every 1 1/2 weeks
weeding/pruning - same as mow
cleaning the fridge - weekkly
general tidy - each night
cobwebbing - dont get many so maybe monthly
sweeping the porches - nightly
cleaning the car (inside) - weekly
cleaning the car (outer) - weekly
dusting - daily
cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - every 3 months or when there is council pick ups
filing/paperwork - monthly
whatever I'm forgetting!-
I do most of these things daily even if they dont need to be done i do it.. i guess its just become routine to me.

[grub17]

lol Onyx BUT I wanna know what you and DH are doing in your sheets on the weekends that they must be washed on Monday

[~Kim~]

I'm going to preceed this with, I do what I do because I like to have it done. It's a choice, not a chore. It did not get done as often when my children were smaller.

top and tailing (facewasher to face and then bum of your LO - they wash their faces in the morning.
outside time with LO - every afternoon
cleaning dogs' bowls - n/a
brushing cat and/or dog - n/a
bathing LO - nightly
bathing dogs - n/a
shopping - once a fortnight
cleaning toilets - every day or two
cleaning basins - every day or two (saves it from building up and getting yuck)
cleaning bath/shower - once a week
dishes (by hand) - every day
washing cloth nappies - daily with the washing
washing other clothes - a/a
full cooked dinner - there isn't really another option here, about once a fortnight they get breakfast for dinner.
walk with LO - we walk DD to school threeish times a week
walking dogs - n/a
vacuum floors - at least weekly but usually every 2 days
sweep/mop floors - mop weekly
vacuum couch - when there is enough food to warrant it, but usually when vaccuuming
wash sheets - LO - weekly
wash sheets - yours! - weekly
cleaning benchtops - whenever there's something in them
cleaning stove - after cooking
mow lawn - weekly (yes I have to as Dh works away)
weeding/pruning - a/a
cleaning the fridge - weekly on garbage night
general tidy - twice a day
cobwebbing - I don't have too many as I'm a bit anal about dusting
sweeping the porches - when i mow
cleaning the car (inside) - on Fridays
cleaning the car (outer) - when it' dirty
dusting - weekly
cleaning out attic/basement/garage/etc - we have non of those
filing/paperwork - as it comes in

[peanutter]

Oh wow. If my DH expected me to call those things done either a couple of times week, I would be heading down to my nearest family lawyer and I am not joking.

WOW!! I should have clarified ... some of these things, I would do once every month or two, others I would chip at every now and then, and do thoroughly once every month or so ... I totally would not expect them all to be done on a daily, weekly or even fortnightly basis!!!

just to clarify ...