How do you do the nightshift by yourself, with more then one bubba?

[UsPlus2]

Ok so its the first night by myself with 2 gorgeous babies under 2 and I know I should be kinder to myself, but seriously I am overwhelmed and have no idea how this is suppose to work.

DS (20mths) woke at 10pm totally beside himself, screaming the neighbourhood down. He wants daddy, no mummy, daddy. Daddy is at work. More and louder screams. I take him out and sit with him in the rocking chair but he thrashes around so much it hurts my c/s scar, really hurts. DD(5 weeks) wakes for her feed at 1030. I put DS back into the cot, get DD and sit in DS's rocking chair to feed her. His ear piercing screams scare the living daylights out of her, which makes DS scream louder. It was utter chaos.

I ended up feeding DD in another room, figuring if I calm her down then I go back and calm DS, meanwhile DS screamed for daddy in his room. Broke my heart. He fell asleep crying, which he has never done before.

Obviously I knew this day would eventually come, we were lucky to have DP home for 5 weeks, but I just can not fathom what to do. All other posts I read were suggesting to feed bub in his room, but she was petrified. We tried (when DP was home) pulling him into our bed, but he just jumps all over it, so it rules that out.

Does anyone want to share how you cope at nights by yourself?

Thanks

[MrsBexie]

Oh darling!!! I have no idea but i just wanted to give you massive hugs!!!!

[Mak]

Wow sounds stressful!!! Hope you guys have recovered. Can DH give DS a special bear (maybe make one) to cuddle when he is not there? Maybe explain it and make a big deal? It has often taken a while to settle into new routines and sounds like you have had a few big changes all at once.
I have just put both kids in with me but it took a while for the older one to get in the swing as she was pretty jealous of DD2.
xxxxxxx

[mummydreamer]

Wow sounds stressful!!! Hope you guys have recovered. Can DH give DS a special bear (maybe make one) to cuddle when he is not there? Maybe explain it and make a big deal? It has often taken a while to settle into new routines and sounds like you have had a few big changes all at once.
I have just put both kids in with me but it took a while for the older one to get in the swing as she was pretty jealous of DD2.
xxxxxxx

i think that's a really great idea, something that DS can associate with his dad that he can cuddle or whatever when he's missing him? maybe even spray some of DH's cologne or something on it so it smells like him?

but that sounds hard to you. i think just keep trying, it might take a while for the kids to get used to it, especially DS, but eventually if you keep the routine it will *hopefully* start getting easier xxx

[Trillian]

My kids were older than yours when my DH started working nights, but when DS2 was born DD2 was only just over 3 and would still wake on the occasional night. I think you need to prepare your DS for the times when his Dad is going to work. It probably freaked him out a little bit to wake like that and then have to understand why his Dad wasn't there. Prep him during the day, making a big thing of getting Daddy's things ready for work and letting him help his Dad get ready, bring him his shoes and that sort of thing so he realises that his Dad is going to work and wont be home. Your baby is only a newborn still, and it can take some time to get used to the new family dynamics for everyone - not just us but the older children as well and I agree, it can be totally overwhelming when it all happens at once like it did for you The idea of giving him a special comfort toy is a good one - get DH to give it to him and explain that if he wakes and he's not here he can cuddle his toy etc. For your DD, put her in bed with you - without DH in there it will give you more room and it will allow you to feed and settle her without having to get up, especially if you have been up with DS.

But remember that it wont always be like this. You DS wont be waking like that every night and soon it will become second nature to you to deal with two children at a time. Trust me - I've been there and done that and before you know it you can handle pretty much anything

[MrsFabuloso]

I have very similar issues here. I just prepare myself for a very restless, sleepless night for us on the nights DH works. DS1 still cosleeps and so does DS2. We usually manage this by DH sleeping with DS1 and I sleep with DS2 because I'm bfing too. But when DH works nights, I sleep with DS1 and have DS2 in his snuggle bed beside the bed. DS2 is a very noisy restless sleeper and wakes DS1 often. So I am usually up trying to settle DS1 and feed DS2 at the same time. Not fun. Even more fun if DD gets woken too, and I have all 3 of them in the bed partying. The other night we were up for almost 3hrs in the middle of the night with me trying to get them all back to sleep. I got about 3hrs sleep that night. If that.
I have no idea how you can manage it. As you can see I have a circus of my own here! I guess it will just take time for them all to get used to the different routine. For us now, almost 8weeks in, DS1 accepts that I have to feed DS2 through the night and isn't demanding that I hold him and hug him. When I say daddy is at work now he gets that Dh isn't there to sleep with him. I guess it is getting a bit better slowly for us, so there is hope for you! It's totally draining though and I get quite anxious when I know night shifts are coming. I totally get what you're saying!

[Feijoa Mum]

My DH says to our DS "Daddy is going to work now and I will see you in the morning, Look after Mummy and Lady P for me"

He still wakes though, in fact he is a worse sleeper than DD is and the early days I was up 2 or 3 times to him not her! And he wakes screaming too

Dont be overwhelmed by being by yourself, if they wake together sort out the easiest one first, then you can concentrate on the one that needs a bit more time.

It can be a hard juggling act and with 5 to sort out dinner and bedtimes for I often get stressed and frazzled but I know that they will be ok. I am only one person and I am doing my best. You are too and with a newbie to boot

[UsPlus2]

Thanks so much for sharing ladies, and for the hugs. They are both having a sleep in this morning so its giving me some time to reflect and calm the nerves for the day ahead.

Mak I love the idea of a special bear, what a great idea. We did try to make it special by giving him his thomas sleeping bag and in the end that saved me last night when I distracted him by saying wheres thomas, thomas is sleeping, you take thomas to bed so he can sleep. but the idea of the bear might help him feel close to daddy personally. I might make a replica of DP work clothes and as suggested by Trillian when he helps daddy get ready, whil dad is dressing DS can dress his bear. (he is into putting nappies on ted at the moment when I change DD nappy),

Trillian thanks for the idea about him helping get daddy ready, didnt even cross my mind, its a wonderful idea. Daddy goes to work after his bed time, but we could get him to help before bedtime. Makes so much sense now that you have said it, saves him waking up wondering why all the sudden daddy is there. Will certainly introduce that into our daily routine

Lilias - sounds like you do have your hands full, thanks for giving my hope though. I do breastfeed little miss in our bed, she sleeps so much better when she is in our bed. infact after I feed her 1030 she slept until 630, then just feed from one side and is still asleep. Oh I wish there was some way of saying to her 'Do that night again tonight!" lol wouldnt that make it easy. I hear you on the anxious feeling though. I was dreading that night for the past 5 weeks, really rattle me, but like you said you just keep going, sleep deprived or not.

Thanks again ladies, you are such wonderful support, what you have suggested as helped me regather myself, I knew I wasnt the only person in the situtation, but its so great to hear from those sharing it.

[UsPlus2]

thanks Feijoa Mum - we were the same here. We came home from hospital when DD was 36hrs and that first week we were up to our DS way more then her. We use to joke with friends when they asked how tired we were, we'd say we're sleep deprived thanks to our toddler, not our newborn lol. Glad to hear we are not the only backward family.

Hats off to you, 5 at dinner time would make me more than frazzled lol so for you.

Mr just woke up, best go get him, at least he is laughing and talking to Thomas. Much more peaceful.