This has started to become a real problem for me now that I've started taking Kate to groups. I get all the usual questions, what's her name?, how old is she? and also is she your first?
I've been asked this twice at the group so far and I always have doubts about the answer I gave once I get home. The first time I answered "yes kind of" and then went on to explain that our oldest had died, but when I got home I felt horrible how dare I say Kate was my first when she isn't. The second time I was asked if Kate was my first I simple said no my second and didn't explain anything, but when I got home I still felt bad, I don't just have 2 babies I have 4.
It just seems what ever I say I feel bad about and so I'm wondering what you say when you're asked this and how you deal with second guessing your answers in hind sight.
i am in exactly the same state....i said this to DH the other night. 'when people ask us how many children we've had, do we say 2 or 3?' i have no idea! i feel like if i say 2, im denying J, but then if i say 3 and people ask, i don't want to have to explain it to anyone and everyone and then have them be weird......i'll be interested to see what other people have said later down the track, for me its still only new.....
When people ask us how many kids we have, we say "one who is no longer with us" or something like that. Depending on who it is, if someone asks if I have children, I might say no or I might say yes, one little boy who died. I suppose I don't count the baby I mc except as an angel, as Leo would never have been conceived and born if that baby had lived. Also, I don't need to go into my obstetric history with people. If asked, I'll say I have a couple of angels including our son.
I've been saying "first living" or something similar. If they look puzzled, I explain I suppose I want people to realise this is normal for me, having one bub here and her big brother not here. Even yesterday I was chatting to her at the shops and said something like "this is one of the songs we played at your brother's funeral" - then realised the man next to us had heard and was staring at me
Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks
I have been asking myself the same question for a long time now. I have a huge wave of guilt come over me if i say we only have one child, kind of like i have betrayed Riley.
Now i tell them Sophie is our second, but our first Riley was stillborn. Most people do understand
I used to tell them it was my first take home baby. Now it depends. Often I just say I have three with me. Ultimately it depends on my day, my mood and who asks. I don't hide it. I talk freely about Caitlyn. I may not want to share the details with the checkout queue though
For me, it really depends on the situation. If someone in the supermarket asks how many children I have, I say 5, but if it was someone I would be spending a little more time with and I felt comfortable with them, I would tell them I have 5 living children and an angel baby. I don't feel like I am betraying Noah by not saying that I have 6 as I like to choose who has the priviledge of knowing about Noah. I think, for me, it would be awkward to explain it to everyone who asks.
this is something that i still have trouble with after 18 months. I honestly dont know what to say and it is hardi dread meeting new pwopw cause then i have to decide what i am going to say
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What do you say?
I suppose I want people to realise this is normal for me, having one bub here and her big brother not here. Even yesterday I was chatting to her at the shops and said something like "this is one of the songs we played at your brother's funeral" - then realised the man next to us had heard and was staring at me
I have been asking myself the same question for a long time now. I have a huge wave of guilt come over me if i say we only have one child, kind of like i have betrayed Riley.
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