I knew this was coming but at 12???

[Tinks]

It appears DD has a boyfriend! She also has 2 other boys 'asking her out'!

So, the mum in me is saying she's too young for boyfriends FULL STOP! Then I remember back to what it was like at her age.

We're very open and honest with her, she is with us too. We talk lots about everything but I have no idea what to say to her about going out with boys at her age. She's 12, there's plenty of time for boyfriends. I understand the need to fit in, from what I see on Facebook all her peers are pairing up and talking lots about which boys they like etc.

She's a good kid, very likeable (obviously) and friendly. I just don't want her growing up too fast or to feel as though she needs a boyfriend to validate herself or fit in with her peers etc.

I need help! What do I do?

[*Efjay*]

I think its perfectly normal at 12. I would just be cool with it & let it run its course. If you have a open/honest relationship with her then there is no need to worry. I was 13 when I told my mum about a boyfriend. I had ones before that though. But we wanted to go to Australia's wonderland so I asked mum. My sister was quite outraged that i was allowed a boyfriend at 13, when she had to be 15. But the difference was, she never actually told mum.

I personally wouldn't really talk to her about it much at all, try not to seem like your prying and avoid anything that might embarrass her. Let her talk to you about him. Don't scare her off talking about him by being too over bearing KWIM?
Boys are fun & exciting, something to giggle over with your friends. She is 12, perfect age for giggles & exciting new things. She will be ok & so will you

[PumpkinZulu]

Argh! My worst nightmare! All I can say is, if you know she's a good kid, she should be okay. It sounds very bad, to an adults ears, hearing 'boyfriend' and '12' in the same sentence...but then I think back to when I was 12, and lots of my friends had 'boyfriends' (not me because I was a tomboy....ewwww boyfriends!). But it was pretty much just a title, with lots of awkward giggles etc from everyone, lots of little 'love' notes...maybe a bit of hand holding and a sneaking peck on the lips here and there. Your DD sounds like she's a looked and pretty popular with the boys, so I guess you can't stop the inevitable So long as you're happy that she knows what's what and what sort of behaviour you expect from her, it seems like it's just going to have to play out. Soooo glad I've got a while until I need to worry about that!

[*LittleMissSummer*]

My mum had a rule in our house which was no boyfriends until we were 15. Because then we were old enough to have a relationship and understand what it means to have one. We were also old enough to go on dates and what not. She also had another which was no sex until we were 18 so then we were old enough and mature enough to deal with what comes with sex but of course me being me i didnt abide by that rule

I think in this situation let her know that you are open to the idea as im sure at this age they wont be doing anything. And just let her know that you trust her and so she will come to you if anything happens (he pressures her for sex or that sort of thing)

Hopefully it is just one of those 'my friends are doing so i want to too'

[Fleur]

I think it's pretty normal at that age... I think having an open relationship is the best thing you can do. If she can talk to you, you're off to a flying start.

And I agree that telling her she doesn't need a boyfriend to validate herself is important. I told Panda that whatever she did would ultimately be her choice, regardless of what I wanted her to do or what advice I gave her...but that I wanted it to be her choice. Not something she felt pressured into either directly or indirectly. (That applied to pretty much everything, not just boys / sex etc. I gave lots of advice & we had rules yadda yadda but there's only so much you can legislate with teenagers )

Ummm, on the subject of sex... please don't shoot me, I know she's only 12..... But both of my older kids know where the condoms in the house are. FWIW I think 12 is waaaay to young to be having sex... but not too young to be laying the groundwork for discussions IYKWIM? I think (JMO) by raising it earlier it's easier to talk about later on.

Also, another thought - sometimes it's easier to talk about what others are doing, rather than what they are doing. I have learned lots like this

ETA - I don't mean that at 12 you would expect that there would be anything like that going on. But TBH it was only a couple of years later for the kids in my circle of friends, and in my daughter's. So I tried to get in early. Hope that makes sense.

[*Efjay*]

When I was 12 (11 also) we use to "pash" lol. Mind you the friends I had in our street where a little wrong side of the tracks. BUT even though it was more then handholding & pecks on the lips with a giggle here & there.. By the time I was 13 I was quite the prude. Ahhh But then at 14, my boyfriend was ...... ewww wait for it.....20. Mum was really good about it though. I doubt very much she approved BUT I think she had learnt from my older 2 sisters that if she tried to step in the way & put an end to it, I would go behind her back. I probably wouldn't have to be honest. BUT my older 2 ran off/moved out when rules they didn't like got forced. So Mum played it cool. The relationship lasted 2 years! He had even proposed LOL. Man I look back at hat & just think how yuk it was that this MAN was interested in a 14 yr old. But I guess it only lasted till I was 16 because by that age, he was still just like a 16 yr old & well I wasn't I have always been beyond my years & by 16 I was beyond him. So moved on to my now DH who was 24. Poor Mum, my boyfriends just kept getting older LOL. But hey, here we are 15 years on... 8 years difference in age meant nothing then, means nothing now. Actually, it was probably a good thing. I was 16, not really into the party/get drunk thing yet. DH was 24, just getting out of that stage. So that stage never actually happened for me. I have been pretty tipsy but never blind drunk. Never smoked pot etc. I think Mum got off pretty lightly LOL.

[Rivlas]

It is hard when they start having an interest in the opposite sex. Encourage them going 'out' in groups instead of pairs and they are usually fine with this.
Dads usually have a hard time accepting their little girls are growing up so you sometimes have to tell them to pull his head in and stay calm.
A word of warning...the first break up and the world has fallen apart.
It is an interesting time as a parent as will the next few years

[*Efjay*]

LOL on the dad thing. So True, DH has already set in stone "NO BOYS!" for Isla. Poor thing is going to have a hard time enforcing that though. She is smack in the middle of 4 brothers. She is going to have her pick of boys!

[Tinks]

You're completly right Fleur. I don't want to make rules that she will inevitably break. She's a social girl, always organising outings with her friends after school and going to friends houses etc. All I really want is for her to know to stay true to herself and not buckle to pressure, either from boys or her friends.

I remember what it was like in year 7, and like PZ said, it was all pretty innocent really. Part of me is happy that she's adjusting so well to hig school then the other part is saying 'NO, you're too young, stop'!!

Efjay, you're right, it will run it's course. They'll probably break up next week over something stupid.

PZ, 12 years goes in the blink of an eye

lalalalalaal Efjay! NOOO I don't want to hear that

[*Efjay*]

lalalalalaal Efjay! NOOO I don't want to hear that

LOL sorry

[Tinks]

Well the relationsip is over. He broke up with her via a FB message

She doesn't seem too worried

[PumpkinZulu]

Oh no All's well that ends well I guess

[Amity]

Glad it's all ok. Dear John...

[mummajj]

all over before i could reply lol
i was going to say that kids are doing things younger and younger these days. i would def have a conversation around "sexting"(not sure if she has a mobile phone) because that is a huge issue with young teens at the moment. something we would never have dreamed of at that age,its hard to comprehend.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Aww poor thing, but aslong as she seems ok.
Tinks your children are wonderful, they have a great mother and they really seem to have their heads screwed on correctly.
All i can suggest is to be honest with her, let her know your there but that she needs to make her own choices (and inevitably mistakes) and just make sure your there to pick up the pieces... i doubt she'll do anything foolish.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Aww poor thing, but aslong as she seems ok.
Tinks your children are wonderful, they have a great mother and they really seem to have their heads screwed on correctly.
All i can suggest is to be honest with her, let her know your there but that she needs to make her own choices (and inevitably mistakes) and just make sure your there to pick up the pieces... i doubt she'll do anything foolish.

[Tuesday's Child]

Aww poor thing, but aslong as she seems ok.
Tinks your children are wonderful, they have a great mother and they really seem to have their heads screwed on correctly.
All i can suggest is to be honest with her, let her know your there but that she needs to make her own choices (and inevitably mistakes) and just make sure your there to pick up the pieces... i doubt she'll do anything foolish.

^^yeahthat

It's got me thinking though, that it's probably important at that age to learn how to interact with boys as more than friends. I sometimes wonder if forbidding boyfriends until 15 or 16, when sex is more likely to be an issue, makes it more difficult to navigate a (possible) physical relationship. Does that make sense? Not that I'm saying they start getting physical at 12. But its important they have some emotional and social experience before they get to that point.

Talking in general here, not in your DD's particular case Tinks.

ETA - Be interesting to see what I think in 12 years time