Please Help!!!

[trishalishous]

We drove to the city for Easter, and DD cried pretty much the whole way.
She was overtired, but wouldnt sleep, and after stopping every 20 minutes to cuddle/feed/resettle we ended up just leaving her to scream.
I feel horrible, she cried herself to sleep, and was sobbing while I held her hand and stroked her hair.
Im just at a loss what to do when she doesnt want to be in the car.
We nearly turned around and went home (she was worst to halfway, then pretty much happy after that) we were just so stressed.
If its around town, we just stop and let her out of the car, but travelling 400 odd km theres no way we can just stop and sit in a parking bay for the day
I cant bear to have her so upset again. we are gentle parents, and this is the first time she hasnt been soothed/removed from the situation when she is upset.
The image of her tears and her little body sobbing are haunting me.
Any advice please please?

[onthefly]

How awful for you all Some babies just hate the car - maybe some others will be able to give you some advice. It's hard, but sometimes you pretty much have to choose between crying baby and staying home.
For what it's worth, just being near her, holding her hand and stroking her hair will make a differenc e(though it might not sound like it). My DD gets very worked up sometimes and will scream herself to sleep - nothing helps so I just lie next to her so she's not alone.

[krystals]

Oh, I couldn't read and not reply. We got DS used to the car by taking longer and longer trips, we make sure he's fed and dry before we start, but sometimes there's just no settling him. Difficult when even to go to the supermarket is a long one. Like MadB said, sometimes the only thing you can do is let them know you're there. xx

[trishalishous]

How awful for you all Some babies just hate the car - maybe some others will be able to give you some advice. It's hard, but sometimes you pretty much have to choose between crying baby and staying home.
For what it's worth, just being near her, holding her hand and stroking her hair will make a differenc e(though it might not sound like it). My DD gets very worked up sometimes and will scream herself to sleep - nothing helps so I just lie next to her so she's not alone.

thanks for your reply.
It was so hard to just sit there while she cried, goes against every instinct in my body.
I hope someone can help with this issue, otherwise Ill be living at the inlaws forever haha

[Cranky Kitten]

Do you think she maybe gets a little car-sick? I know as a kid I had motion sickness that made me loathe long car trips, especially if I wasn't next to the window. For the trip home maybe try putting her near the window (if she's not already), or try the sea-sickness bands you can get from a chemist. Make sure you take plenty of breaks so she (and you) can calm down - even if it makes the trip longer, doing a 3hr drive in one go is way harder than doing 3 1hr drives broken up by short play-breaks.

[Trillian]

Is she still rear facing? our DD1 used to completely freak out on car trips longer than an hour because she couldn't see anyone or anything. Once we turned her around she was fine with being in the car. But sometimes as much as it goes against everything you believe, it's unavoidable because as you say, you can't sit in a parking bay all day.

[Mich83]

i'm not a parent yet, but i have an idea.

perhaps you need to distract her in some way while in the car - whether its a new toy or book or dvd/music that would keep her entertained. you could sit in the back with her to keep her busy with activities. maybe pack a bag of fun things and make it into a game e.g. 'wow what else is in the bag? should we have a look?' etc

also the idea of having breaks every hour or so to keep her from getting too bored.

[Danielle_NZ]

So sorry to hear that your trip was so upsetting for your DD, I hope your able to find something to help for your trip home.

[Santosha]

It's awful isn't it? DD hated the car too until we turned the seat around at 14 months and even then would get upset on longer trips. There wasn't a whole lot we could do and on one particular trip it was so awful that when we pass the same spots on the road now, it kinda gives me 'flashbacks' to feeling so retched and helpless as DD screamed her way through about half of a 4 hour car journey. The things that did make a bit of difference...
- timing drives around her sleeps but not leaving it till she was over-tired or she'd just cry and not sleep
- stocking up on novel items from the cheap shop, kitchen draws etc to keep her amused. The toys with lights and/or music drive me nuts but seemed to keep her happiest for the longest
- children's music - if I hear 'play school in the car' one more time I will scream but it - and my enthusiastic singing - has got us through many car trips
- if DH is with us I sit in the back and play, sing, tickle, play hiding games, shine a torch around the car/on toes, tummy, hands etc if it's dark, and pass her countless cruskits, bits of fruit, sultanas etc.
- we have taken 5 hours over a 3-hour drive just so we had a couple of big stops to burn off some energy at a park etc.

[RhiChiChi]

I think you have done the right thing. You were there for her, touch is a very powerful thing. She might get car-sick like someone said. My cousin used to & my Auntie used to distract him by reading books, singing, saying the alphabet etc...

[LimeSlice]

A few things that helped here:
*A mirror when they are rearfacing so they can look at it
*Armin Van Buuren, bass up
*Metallica, quite loud (for the life of me, don't ask me why these work! lol)
*Led Zeppelin, again, quite loud
*A window about quarter way open in the front, the white noise soothes them.
*Do not use the word "relax" - it actually sparks a stress response. Use the words "calm" and "soothe" as the sound of the word actually does illicit a calm and soothing response (as opposed to the word "relax")

Also, as much as it is horrible listening to them, remember that sitting with her, holding her hand etc ARE soothing her. You aren't just leaving her to cry, you are there with her, and despite her not actually calming down and being happy, she is being shown that she has care, love, support while she is upset, and that is kind of hte point of the gentle approach. We can't always fix everything and make them happy, but we can be with them while they are in their moments of turmoil itms.

[trishalishous]

Thanks everyone.
We have A mirror and DD is forward facing now (thought it might help, but no luck)
we play nursery rhymes which she enjoys, and she has loads of toys/books specially for the car.
She was fed,clean,warm when we got in the car, and started complaining straight away. She just fought sleep and wouldnt settle

[beckoes]

dd1 used to be like that. screamed. i would put my head as close as i could, hold her and sing till she fell asleep, she would always wake up happy so i guess she couldnt have been to traumatised. and now she is bigger she is fine, no long lasting damage! hugs to you, its not easy.

is the seat comfortable, check its padded enough where she is sitting and against her back, i know that made a big difference for dd.

[mummajj]

totally agree with limeslice.
i read something which has stuck with me. "when im happy, be there with me. When im sad, be there with me" sometimes,you cant help them being sad,but as long as you're there for them.

[Taurean]

That's so tough when that happens DD did that a lot when she was little and it broke my heart. It was especially hard when I was alone and driving, I really felt completely hopeless.

I agree with everything Limeslice said too. A lot of those ideas helped us although the music choices may have been slightly different

We had a similar situation with our 19 month old DD on a flight yesterday. She was overtired and had just been woken as we descended and she was NOT happy. Despite being on my lap and snuggling in, she could not be soothed and screamed - I mean blood curdling screams - for 15 minutes. There was nothing more we could do but try to cuddle her and soothe her but the thrashing, slapping and kicking from DD made that very difficult!

There will be times when you just can't soothe them, just being there, holding their hand is all you can do