How do you tell people (family) that you only want "green" toys for DS

[buliej]

I am really trying to limit the things DS plays with to those that are BPA/PVC free and not made in China. I am not 100% successful, but I'm trying - and since I wasn't focused on this initially, many of my initial purchases don't meet my "new self-imposed rules".

My concern is, what do I tell well meaning friends and family who buy gifts that I really don't want to use (esp. as DS is entering the phase where everything goes into his mouth). I could accept the gifts but then not use them but this seems silly as it's such a waste.

Any suggestions?

[LizLemon]

It's a hard one isn't it. I don't share the same ideals (for want of a better word!) but I certainly try to limit the amount of c**p that enters my house but well meaning but clueless people who buy stuff that I can tell is never going to be used.

Can you work into conversations with people about how you've been reading up on "green" toys and kicking yourself for buying things that don't fit in with what you are trying to do - ie make it just lighthearted conversation about what you are trying to do, and hope that they take it in and factor it in next time they buy something?

And then if that doesn't work, maybe gentle requests to the people that regularly buy gifts - I know if I'm buying something for a child I'd much rather spend the money on something that will be used/loved than put away and never used.

[Loula]

I am really trying to limit the things DS plays with to those that are BPA/PVC free and not made in China. I am not 100% successful, but I'm trying - and since I wasn't focused on this initially, many of my initial purchases don't meet my "new self-imposed rules".

My concern is, what do I tell well meaning friends and family who buy gifts that I really don't want to use (esp. as DS is entering the phase where everything goes into his mouth). I could accept the gifts but then not use them but this seems silly as it's such a waste.

Any suggestions?

Interested to find the sites you are buying from?.......pm me please hun

[buliej]

Bug's Mom - that's a good idea - but I forgot another part of my dilemma (if you can call it that) - usually "green" toys (that's what I'll call them for ease) are more expensive which is an added burden for those who are being generous in the first place by buying gifts...for example, just today, my inlaws said "oh - we need to get some toys for [DS] so he has things to play with when he comes over" - so nice of them, really, but I know the toys will be plastic and not ones that fit my idea of what DS should have - meaning they will have chemicals etc in them that I want to limit his exposure to. I guess I could beat them to the punch and buy toys to leave there but I know it also makes them happy to buy things for DS.

Loula - I can post or PM the brands I've come across and some other info - need to pull it together though. Some of the sites with information are under "likes" on my FB page though.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Can you tell people you want old school wooden toys, suggest things you possibly had as a child?

There are great sites like Eco toys with sales pages, I'd just be upfront, make suggestions but in the long run there will always be 1 or 2 junky pieces no matter how well you get the msg through, all you can do is own YOUR decisions in what you buy, let ppl know what your looking at but let them make the final choice.




Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

[Gigi]

if cost is an issue, wooden pegs are cheap at Coles. old saucepans at any opshop. dressups. Green Toys don't have to be new. Part of the green toys concept, is recycling toys, and things that babies are amused by. Tools for the sandpit that aren't brand new and plastic - e.g metal utensils, wooden spoons from opshops, old teapots etc.

another "green present" idea is EXPERIENCES. e.g instead of a plastic toy, to give the child a visit to the zoo, (obviously age dependant). to spend time with the child.

for families that like to each put in $20 and buy a huge plastic thing, they could instead put all those $20 together, and buy a wooden sandpit/cubby/fort/playgym type thing. something in the back yard that the child will enjoy for many years.

give the option of gift voucher, to any relative who finds it all too hard.

clothing is another area, e.g some people try to avoid franchised clothing, clothing with words, or the foam transfers (fumes) that are so popular (and seemingly everywhere). Because clothing sizes are such a pain, it's easy to blame that issue, and ask that receipts be kept, in case you need to exchange, due to sizing problem.

i chose to avoid battery operated toys, for environmental friendly reasons, and because i think they overstimulate babies (stifling imagination), often plastic toys/battery toys are all lumped together.

google "organic toys" and many options come up. you can get bamboo and organic cotton teething toys that are very safe for babies to suck on. also wooden ones.

i think buying green toys, comes down to
- shopping around
- waiting for sales
- choosing green over quantity, so your child will have less, which is not a bad thing

some relatives/friends will take your info on board, some might be offended, some might totally ignore it. but you're the parent. you get to decide what gets to stay, what gets given to the opshop, what your child actually gets exposed to each day. if you want to limit the fumes for your child's sake, that's your priority, you're the parent. It's easy to get caught up in obligation, and monetary value, but those don't help the decision you've made for your child. For the first few years, you get quite a bit of choice. That will change later, so make the most of it now!

Your child will play with what's around.

i tried to do, what you are talking about, in a half hearted way, i wish i had gone into it stronger. I look back at those early baby photos and there is so much plastic in the photos! because i didn't put my foot down strongly enough (to match my own beliefs). i was seduced into thinking quantity was better than quality. And feeling too obligated to turn away the huge amount of opshop plastic toys i was given by well meaning people (who then never visited after that, so weren't there to see if they got used or not).

and it IS true, a baby and some pegs = hours of them gurgling and being happy.
i didn't believe it until i saw it myself.

[damprye]

I didn't have quite the same problem but I did have people (one in particular) that kept giving DS toys that were dangerous for his age group. I still don't trust him with 3+ toys because he still eats everything but it never really got any easier. I used to give them away as gifts but some of them I still have stashed away for bday pressies when he is older.

[LimeSlice]

"Sorry, XYZ, wanted to let you know we won't be accepting plastic, mass-produced or Chinese made toys and gifts for our children, s please don't buy them. Take a look at Eco Toys website for some idea on what you can buy for bubs. Thanks"

Easy.

[Party-of-five]

We asked for books instead of toys for DD2 first birthday and everyone was more than happy with that

[buliej]

Party-of-five - when people asked what we wanted for DS's birth, I said books too - that's worked out quite well (for those that asked).

I guess I'm just not comfortable being so blunt with people who are meaning to be generous by buying DS something - but there's been some good suggestions and I'll give some of them a try.

Loula - haven't put together the list, but I googled various things "bpa-free toys" "green toys" "safe toys" "non-toxic toys" and you start to get a good idea of the brands etc that are good.

[KatieRabbit]

Great ideas Gigi- you have given me some ideas!
Buliej- I have found making suggestions around birthdays/Christmas etc helpful to close family members. Like "I saw some wooden stacking blocks in target that I know x would love". Or I also suggest non-toy things like clothes (again I request non licenced or printed clothing), books (again, not TV or movie related texts), art materials etc
I think one needs to differentiate between the givers. So I am not worried about a one off birthday present for my chn from a friend at their party and wouldn't say anything to the parent (but recycle the gift if necessary or put it away or let them play with it until the novelty has worn off). However for grandparents, aunts, uncles etc then they will be repeatedly buying gifts over the years so it is worth saying something. A good idea is to type up a list of suitable toys/gifts ideas and give each of these people a copy. Some cheaper alternatives will soften it!! But I wouldn't try and control what grandparents buy for their own home other than to suggest ideas or simply say I prefer my child doesn't play with plastic. Homemade toys are great and grandparents might like to make these with the grandchildren as an activity. Same with your list- suggest home knitted toys, muslin playcloths, photobooks, etc- things that the givers can make themselves. People are often hesitant in making gifts as they are unsure as to how they will be received but if you make it clear you value those type of things, they can be lovely gifts. And very few people make things from plastic!

[Starfish]

Gigi and KatieRabbit have given some great ideas.

For my part, I would recommend the following:
1) I don't think you can control what your DS plays with when outside your home. So let his grandparents buy what they want for their house. He won't be there that much to be overly exposed to things you don't want him to be, right?
2) Mention in casual conversation to your firends about the type of things you want for your DS and the type you don't.
3) If people you are not that close to and not comfortable being blunt with want to buy him toys - let them. As you don't know these people so well, chances they won't know that your DS will not be playing with the toys. You can then either regift them, or make them the toys that you take to the beach/the park/on holiday, i.e. things that you won't mind if they get broken or lost...

[krystals]

I'd let them know straight out that that's what you want for your son. We've asked my parents not to buy certain things for DS and although they might not share the same views as us, they're understanding of our style of parenting. We discussed things early on and I think they're actually thankful that they know we'll appreciate their efforts in choosing what to do. For instance, they gave DS some beautiful and artful books for Christmas and some handknitted and sewn toys, and then sent some money for his bank account at Easter (he's much too young to appreciate it, but they knew we didn't want chocolate).

Let them know early on- especially if they're there for the long run Then everyone will know what the story is.

[deletedit]

You have to tell EVERYONE, I had this issue with coordinating Stuff for baby #2 and it still didn't quite work. And money is a good substitute for toys.

We're finding with #3 that we only get money not toys, the other two kids got flooded with toys but #3 has so far been given a handful of trucks and cars and that's about it. And his big sister has swiped all of those. The poor kid is going to grow up with a complex.