18 month old driving me crazy!!

[fi1980]

Hi

My 18mo daughter is driving me absolutely crazy at the moment! I try so hard not to get frustrated with her but she is just so testing! She has always been very strong willed and independent and we have battled with that since she was born but lately I'm just at a loss as to what to do with her...

Lately she wont eat and it's driving me nuts because the more I try and encourage her the more she fights it. I KNOW she's not going to starve but I still can't help but fret when she refuses every meal. I still give her bottles of milk 2-3 times a day so I know she is getting enough energy, I guess it's more the defiance that frustrates me. She used to be a fabulous eater, she would eat anything and everything but gradually she's becoming more and more fussy and difficult at meal times. Honestly, she'd sooner get in the kitchen and cook her own meal than have me offer her something I've cooked for her She pushes it away or spits it out or throws it and screams at me for even offering her food! Lately she's been so bad that she refuses meal after meal then ends up so hungry that she has a major meltdown and thrown an enormous tantrum and there's nothing I can do to console her... Now food/meal times have become a really stressful ordeal in our house and I'm struggling to keep my sanity!

It's not just food, it's everything really. She has to do everything herself and if I try and intervene even just in the slightest then we have a meltdown. For example she wanted to do some drawing the other day as she found a pen - so I got some paper then tested the pen to make sure it worked.... big mistake! How dare I test the pen!! She only wears one pair of shoes and she wont wear socks, she has to walk everywhere etc.

I know all kids go through phases like this and I'm sure it's normal and it will pass it's just that DD is so intense!! I also know that her independence is a good trait for her to have but it's just so difficult to deal with at the moment. It seems everything is a fight, everything is worthy of her throwing a huge tantrum. I'm just at my wits end. I'm so stressed I often end up in tears and just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a crazy stressed out mum but I can't help it at the moment!

Does anyone have any tips on how I can deal with this frustration better? Or advice on getting her to eat again?

Thanks
Fi

[Babyluv]

No advice hun, just wanted to send a big hug your way and say don't forget you're an awesome mum
I have all of that to look fwd to. Hope someobe comes on soon who can offer you some advice.
Good luck

[tina_k]

I'm sorry, I don't really have advice either, but I just wanted to say were going thru the same thing with our 2 year old. Everything is a fight, especially meal times. My husband comes home and says to me "how can you fight with a 2 year old?"!!!

[~me~]

Hi

I still give her bottles of milk 2-3 times a day so I know she is getting enough energy, I guess it's more the defiance that frustrates me. She used to be a fabulous eater, she would eat anything and everything but gradually she's becoming more and more fussy and difficult at meal times. Fi

Perhaps she is filling up on milk and not interested in food knowing she is getting milk?
I have an 18mth old too, she only has a little bit of milk in a cup after her bath. She drinks water only through the day. If she has cereal in the morning, that would have milk on it so she would get her milk there.

I hear you on the strong willed!! This is my first girl after two very laid back boys.

I turn a blind eye to some things as I find she is looking for my reaction, the things I ignore she stops. The other thing is trying to divert her attention to something more intersting.
A couple of times today I have started singing a nursery rhyme and she seems to stop and listen and then forget what she was doing

[fi1980]

Thanks girls.

Heather I wonder that too about the milk and have been wanting to reduce her milk but am too scared with her not eating at the moment! She doesn't drink that much milk, maybe 120-150ml in each bottle and its more of a comfort thing, besides she used to eat like a trooper and have her milk! I suppose it can't hurt to try cutting down on the milk though and see if that helps.

I've tried all sorts of distractions and it used to be relatively easy to distract her, especially with singing but lately I can only sing on her terms! If I try singing to distract her from a tantrum then she screams 'no no no no no!!' at me and if I'm holding her she'll hit me as well! The other day I managed to pacify her with the wheels on the bus (one of her favs with all the actions) but I was only allowed to sing about the horn on the bus! So the horn went beep beep beep again and again and again until eventually that just wasn't cutting it either!

Tina maybe your hubby needs to spend a day alone with your litte one!! It does seem totally ridiculous but unfortunately that's what often ends up happening. I'm lucky in the sense that my hubby gets it and agrees that DD is extremely challenging. Fingers crossed that our littles ones settle down soon!

[Swoop]

We've had loads of meal time challenges due to my strong willed dd developing a texture aversion/having low weight gain etc which naturally stresses you as a parent. I've found the best things here have been
1) offer a choice where possible e.g. Do you want egg or cereal?
2) let her help. DD helps make porridge, scrambled eggs, sandwiches etc plus she helps with loading and unloading the dishwasher so it keeps her busy and less likely to throw a tantrum and often more likely to eat what she's made.
3) examine your own behaviour - when dd is going through one of those phases with food we get gradually and subtly more and more uptight about it. If I take a step back and relax and make a conscious effort not to nag her etc chances are in a couple of days she is much better
4) praise the good behaviour - kind of ties in with the last one - when I find myself getting too stressed about her not eating I try to start ignoring it and making a big fuss when she does eat, or even praise others for their eating (well done daddy!!!) and she soon gets the gist of it and wants a round of applause or two so starts shoveling food in!!

[fi1980]

Thanks Swoop your advice was really helpful I have been trying your suggestions and getting some really positive results! I've realised it's all about making her feel like she's in control and also keeping myself as calm as possible when things don't go so well (easier said than done!). The last 3 mornings she has eaten all of her breakfast and on two of those morning she has asked for more Amazing how small changes in my behaviour have made such a difference. I guess sometimes you just need to take a step back to re-assess the situation and get some advice from people who have been there before

[Swoop]

I'm so glad you're having some success from those small changes. I've found they can make a huge difference here too. Usually when dd is getting really feral it's because I've either not had time or forgotten to do those things. Hope the success continues for you!