Hi there - I have not done this myself, but thought I would suggest Skype? Not sure if it is something that your DH would be able to do, but if your DS was able to talk to him over video call once a day/week, maybe that would help the separation a little.
I wish you so much luck and send you, your DH and DS much love and prayers during this time.
Have a photo on the fridge so his face is always there and he can say goodnight/morning to him. We used this and my SIL has also used this method when her DH was away for long stretches. Her DS was about the same age as yours.
Skype is another good way if it is allowed. This will also benefit you or family on the days you cannot visit.
You are an inspiration with will all you have to deal with Make sure you look after yourself in the coming weeks
Have you seen those Hallmark type books that are voice recorded? You can get them from newsagents. If you cant find one I will get one and send it you. It is really great as you can get DP to read the story while recording it and then it can be DS's special book when he misses daddy and he can press the buttons for each page to hear daddy read him the story.
I would also do things for Daddy when he misses him. Maybe a painting and then you can take it in to DP (as I am sure it would lift his spirits while away from DS as well).
Maybe some of the ladies who have Dp's/Dh's in the army might have some other suggestions as they may be away from their children for long periods of time.
if its possible I would suggest skype too, or at least a daily phone call. We havent done that period of time but we have done some huge stints away from DH. Phone calls always help, we also talk about him alot when he is away, we make up stories about what he's doing etc.
Also we tend to plan most activities around Dh like draw pictures for him, do things that give the girls something to talk about on the phone (even though I still have to translate for him on the phone). The girls love it and it puts a smile on Dh's face when he's away.
Another thing we do is mark it on the calendar. DH normally does this with them before he goes. He shows them what day it is, and when he'll be back (well the day he hopes to be back anyhow) and marks the start and end dates with a sticker. Then everyday they get to put a sticker on the calendar or mark it off. (the girls get some control of how long he is away, they can see the time counting down and thety also get a bit of a counting session too )
Might be a bit too much, but it works for us when he's away.
Last edited by beansbeans!; June 4th, 2011 at 04:21 PM.
I think it really depend on your child. I have a 2 and 3 year old. We are just into our 5th week without seeing DH. It's hard. Hard for everyone. But for us, I find it best not to talk a lot about Dad. if I bring him up a lot the girls tend to get upset. So we talk about him when they bring it up, or if we are about to talk to him on the phone or skype. It's hard with young kids on the phone, my two year old doesn't have the attention span, but we try. We talk to him a couple of times a week and we've managed to skype twice.
Being strong in yourself helps. If they sense I am struggling or missing him then they can tend to get upset. So a brave face helps.
It's not an ideal situation but you do manage if you have to.
just wanted to send you some support, i cant imagine how hard it will be. i think skype is a great idea. i also thought, i wouldnt tell ds that you get to see dh all the time, although im sure you have probably thought about that, but he may just get jealous.
hugs
6 weeks is a long time for everyone... It must feel very stressful to think of.
I have only had to deal with dh being away for work for 2 weeks with a 2 year old, no way near as long and not for something as stressful as illness so I feel for you. I think you are completely right with the acknowledgement. Kids really need to be heard and taken seriously with their anxieties and fears or they just get bigger and bigger. Keeping in mind that it is healthy and natural for him to feel anxious about what is going on and it is a great opportunity for you to help him learn to dea with it I really the best way to go. I bet it is not easy for you though.
What I have done is have dh record bedtime stories using an iPod recording device. I burnt his stories onto CDs for dd to listen to going to sleep or in the car or where evere she wants. I also made up a photo book of images of dd and dh together through snapfish (there are many sites that do them inclding harvey Norman and big w I believe). It is a beautiful sturdy book that we pulled out to read at bedtime or at any time dd was feeling sad. I think it was a lovely comfort for dd. Maybe you could make a book like that which was only pulled out when your ds is at your parents so that he has something special of your dh's for when he feels most separated from him? That or the recorded stories.
With the calendar, keep in mind that at 2, children have difficulty conceptualizing time and dates and reading left to right. I tried using a calendar system with dd but she really struggled with why we couldn't count down! I ended up making a circular calendar with 7 pieces of paper in the wall in a circle with arrows between them and I used photos and images of things we do on each day - blue tacked on to show what we were up to. It created a continuing calendar which was only ever seven days away and gave visual cues of what we were up to. Dd really responded to the images and the form of schedule and it allowed me to prepare her for when she got to see dh again. Although your time frame is longer, it may be helpful for your ds to feel like there is some structure and predictaibility in his days if he feels this is lacking. Maybe you could have a pic of your dh somewhere else in the room, away from the calendar, but every week moves a lilttle closer until he makes it on to the calendar in the final week?
With all of this though, child led is the key. I agree with junglemum and I avoid talking too much about dh when he is away as it brings up more angst. If dd brings him up, we work with it but otherwise we try to just go through as normal.
Good luck. It is probably going to take a whole lot of love and energy on your part to help your ds through this by the sounds. It is is tough for 2yos to deal with such big changes and scary concepts such as important people coming and going in their lives. The fact you are aware of his potential problems and trying to lessen the impact is a big positive for him.
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Preparing a 2yr old for a 6wk separation from their dad
Make sure you look after yourself in the coming weeks
Have you seen those Hallmark type books that are voice recorded? You can get them from newsagents. If you cant find one I will get one and send it you. It is really great as you can get DP to read the story while recording it and then it can be DS's special book when he misses daddy and he can press the buttons for each page to hear daddy read him the story.
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