Starting to freak out!!

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I'm hoping this is the right place for my thread..

I have my first relationship counseling appointment on monday and i am so nervous! I have never spoken to a professional about much of my life especially my relationship with my DP. Hes(DP) told me to be 100% honest and thats what im frightened of.. i'm worried about judgement, i know that its not what it will be about but i have it in my head that when i explain my situation ill be told that i jumped into a serious relationship too soon and thats why we have so many issues. I'm also worried that they will say nothing is wrong and it is all ME.

But what i am most worried about overall is i know they will bring up my father which is such a touchy subject for me. It brings out the worst in me, thinking about him makes me tense up and i usually always cry. Then there is my mother, we have such bad history... i'm starting to do what i always do.. i tell myself that i am over reacting and i run away and hide..

I also have my first counseling appt for my PND on tuesday so two days in a row... i know ill just be emotionally drained afterwards. But this time a lady is coming to my house, i'm hoping that it will make me feel more comfortable.

can anyone shed some light on both of these counseling appts? What kind of questions do they ask, did it work for you?

[Cranky Kitten]

Hugs hon - while I've not had relationship counselling before, I have been through quite a long while of counselling with regards to touchy subjects with a few different social workers/psychologists etc. It can sometimes be very helpful to talk about those things with someone who has no knowledge of the situation previously, they can be neutral in ways very few others can. A good counsellor is there to be totally non-judgemental and it doesn't matter if you cry or whatever, it's a natural reaction to things we feel strongly about.

And it really is surprising how much of that stuff affects us in our daily lives, whether we're aware of it or not. Where it's entirely possible that reactions and coping mechanisms between you and your DP link back to the way you dealt with things with your family. It certainly did for me - I was terrible for avoiding problems rather than addressing them with my ex because I was always scared, where now with my DH I know I can talk to him about things that are bothering me and it's safe. You don't have to jump into the really hard stuff straight away though, they will generally ask you things that you feel you need help with, and use that to lead into looking deeper into what is causing a particular reaction/behaviour etc.

It is hard, I won't pretend it's not. But it is worth it in the long run, oh boy how it is worth it!

[miloro]

Littlemisssummer, what they will ask you will really depend on you and your reactions. If you really don't want to talk about your parents in the first session let the counsellor know. They will probably still want you to go there as it seems like it could be a critical factor based on what you wrote, but you need to feel comfortable talking to this person. If you don't think you will be able to trust them and work with them it is not going to help you. They should be able to teach you some techniques to help you stay clam and not get stressed thinking about your father. It will take time, patience and hard work on your behalf but it'll be worth it, I can guarantee it.

Don't worry about being judged, easy to say I know. These people are professionals and nothing you say is likely to shock them. Good luck with it. You are brave for taking even the first steps.

[Calluna]

I've just seen this hun. How's it going?
I did have a councellor tell me all our issues were because of me. Terrible excuse for a councellor. If they put it all on you (or your DP because lets face it, no one is perfect and it cant be ALL his fault- for lack of a better word- either), walk away and find another councellor, and another and another, until you're comfortable and feel like you are being supported and that you're getting somewhere even if it's slowly.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Thanks

I think that if they ask about my family i will talk, i probably won't go into great detail until i am more comfortable. I'd just love to understand why DP acts the way he does. Some days he is great we get along fine and others hes just so withdrawn he wont talk to me and if he does hes really sarcastic and mean. I'm really determined to make it work our DD deserves both her parents to get along.

[Calluna]

Oops, thought this was older than it was lol.
Good luck hun, hope you get good councellers straight up.

[BellyBelly]

I always went in with the attitude that they can only help me if I am open and honest about whats going on. If there is an issue with the way I am thinking, then I will have the opportunity to learn a new way. Or my partner will hear how it really is and the psychologist can help him understand better.

it can be very scary and nerve racking wondering if we're doing something wrong. But it's never all one person who has issues dealing with something or understanding the other. It will be mutually beneficial and if the person helping you judges or blames, then they are the wrong person. They are there to help, not condemn.

Good luck for the session!

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I always went in with the attitude that they can only help me if I am open and honest about whats going on. If there is an issue with the way I am thinking, then I will have the opportunity to learn a new way. Or my partner will hear how it really is and the psychologist can help him understand better.

it can be very scary and nerve racking wondering if we're doing something wrong. But it's never all one person who has issues dealing with something or understanding the other. It will be mutually beneficial and if the person helping you judges or blames, then they are the wrong person. They are there to help, not condemn.

Good luck for the session!

Thank you

My counselling for my PND is important because i need for my DP to understand what it is i went through and what i am still going through. He gets frustrated some days because he thinks that i am putting it on or there are days where i wont talk to him at all and will sleep all day and just keep to myself. he then thinks hes done something wrong.

I think i will walk in and be as open and honest as i can be about our relationship going back to when we first met. But i think i will just see how i feel about talking about my family.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Oops, thought this was older than it was lol.
Good luck hun, hope you get good councellers straight up.

Hehe Thanks.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I had my first session with a lady from a Post Natal Depression Support Group today.

At first she was really weird and just saying yeah and umm alot but then the more we kept talking she was better. Shes referred me to see my GP about getting a Mental Health Plan and speaking to a Psychologist after she did the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression scale and i scored 15 out of 30 and they recommend that i speak to someone if i score higher than 13. She said i am more towards anxiety issues than depression but thats going by that test.

She did compliment me on how well i have brought up DD, she said that when i opened the door and greeted her i smiled and then DD smiled. She said that i have taught her how to interact with others and that DD goes off me. That almost made me cry as i dont feel like a very good mother. But she said it was good that DD wanted to be with me and was comfortable to just sit on my lap while i talked.

I will speak to her on the 4th when i have my relationships counselling session (that was meant to be yesterday but they cancelled) and see how i am doing.

So tomorrow i am off to the doctors and getting that health plan. Feeling pretty good about everything.

[human bean]

Great news! Just take it one session at a time and it will all start falling into place - you're doing great