Moving interstate away from family - have you done it? Feeling guilty.
DH and I are seriously considering (again) to move interstate, from VIC to FNQ. We have contemplated this move for the past 4.5 years and we are now in the position that I feel that we can actually do it. But, all of our family lives in VIC and I feel guilty moving our children across the country and for them to miss out on spending time with their grandparents and their grandparents to miss seeing them grow up etc. We would plan to drive up the coast over a couple of weeks and then living in FNQ for at least 2 years (or however long feels right really) then most likely return to VIC in the long run.
So how do I get over this guilt and live the dream that we would love to live.
You only live once my love! And you need to live doing what's best for you guys, not your families.
2 years is nothing, and your families get to have a tropical holiday!
I will say though that it can be hard being on your own without support.
Pretty sure our families aren't stoked we are living in PNG, but it's an amazing life experience enhancing our lives for the better. And they get to visit somewhere different.
We moved from Melbourne to Brissy 14 years ago. There are pros and cons and sometimes it is hard being away from family, but it was the right move for us and I'm really glad we did it. Only you know if this is the right thing for you, but if it is, go for it. You have to do the right thing for yourselves hun
I'm sure we have had this conversation before and I remember feeling so happy that you moved to PNG with 2 little ones, not because I wanted to see you go but I thought if she can do that kind of move surely I can move within Australia! I just can't shake this guilty kinda feeling I have!
Thanks MR - I think I just need to know that 'everyone' does it and it is the normal thing to do well, maybe not but it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one.
I felt incredibly guilty about moving away from my family, but at the end of the day you have to do what is right for your own little family unit. 2 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things and I thoroughly believe the adventure will be a positive thing for your kids. If you don't go you will always wonder what could have been, and if you do go and hate it then you might lose some money in the failed venture but it's only money.
We moved alot as kids and I loved it, we always stayed in VIC though so it may have been a long drive to see family but you could do it by car.
My parents did try to move to SA and QLD when we were 7-14 years old but either myself or my brother said no so we didn't go but it shows that they were willing to do it once upon a time
I think that is it though Traveller, if we don't do it we will always wonder and I think it will be an amazing adventure for us all. At the moment we have the money to do it comfortably (I think! It is so hard to know how much really is enough!) so what better time.
Growing up, all my grandparents lived far away. We never felt like we were missing out, because we never knew any different. Seeing nana or grandma always meant going to the train station, or an airport pick up, and we would trail them inside while they opened their suitcases full of presents for us.
Now, our baby's grandparents are all interstate, as we moved to Brissie and away from them. My side can cope; it's all we've ever known, but DH's side don't quite get it. But it doesn't matter because we're so happy here and we're doing things we couldn't possibly have done in Melbourne, or wherever else we might have ended up. And DD will still love her grandparents, no matter what. It's up to you, and up to them how strong you make thier relationship. There are ways. Skype is wonderful.
If it is what you want to do, do it! we have moved to the other side of the country from our families. From Perth to Alice Springs to Melbourne. Yesi do miss the support, but with Skype and the telephone they don't feel so far away. Plus we have regular visits as everyone wants to come to Melbourne. It's your life and you don't want to go through it saying what if.
I agree to do it! We have lived in a few different places now since having DS. The furtherest we went was about 8 hrs by car away from my parents. But we are probably going to live overseas at the end of next year. I want to experience living in another country and I want DS to see some of the world and how others live. Two years sounds like a long time but it is pretty short really. I think if you actually want to do it then go for it!
Just do it! We are about to move to our 4th new city since DS was born (he is 4). We haven't had choice in any of our moves and it sucks to move away from family and I do feel guilty, especially leaving my mum behind again. But you have to look at the opportunity and positives for you and your kids. Skype and cheap calls etc make it a lot better to stay in touch than a few decades ago
We moved from NSW to the NT. We had already moved away about 600km so they were used to not seeing the kids.
Totally agree with Audax about it becoming normal for the kids. I never had any grandparents and I never knew any different, whereas DH's parents and grandparents have only ever moved within a 15km radius their whole lives and thought we were doing it to punish them. Hell no. The only people living our lives are us and we wanted to do it to the fullest for us.
Relationships are two sided and if your families want to maintain good relationships, then they will. It's that simple.
I am in agreeance with everyone else also...just do it
We didn't move interstate but moved from Perth to Karratha (north west WA) it was 1600km away from all family and friends.
It was hard at times but we loved it, we had two of our babies up there.
I never regret the move
I think in some ways the guilt we feel is our own doubts about a situation maybe even fears ??
As JM said, you only live once! If you didn't move and have the experience, how would you feel in 20/30 years time would you regret it? If its something you have always wanted to do then I say go for it, your parents/family and friends etc will be sad to see you go of course but if they really cared about you then they will encourage the move because its what you want and they should support that. You'd do the same for them right?
Oh hunny it's hard but you do get used to it! I moved from UK to Oz before I had kids but I hate being away from everyone...yes I want my kids to be with their grandparents and cousins but it is a better life here and if the move is what you want in your heart then DO IT!!!!
We moved from queensland to tassie nearly 2 years ago, and we put our place on the market last september because we want to go back to queensland.
I'm not sorry we moved down here, but we do feel guilty that we have taken away the grandkids from DH's parents - these kids are the only grandkids they have, and they are missing out on seeing them grow up. They are on a pension so can't afford to come down, and we can't afford to fly everyone up (its about 2 grand for all of us!)
I miss my siblings as well I have great friends down here (really really awesome friends) but their kids aren't my kids cousins, and I loved growing up with my cousins, and I want my kids to have that.
I don't regret moving down here - at all - because I had two beautiful births down here that I probably wouldn't have got in Queensland, and I met some great girls down here who have become like my surrogate family. Plus I got to see my nan for the first time in 20 years before she died.
But I miss my mum. And the biggest thing for us (apart from my IL's) - that if someone in our family dies, we can't afford to fly up there for a funeral. And I would hate that.
So we've done it, dealt with the guilt for a year, and then made the decision to move back. And we are still waiting because our place hasn't sold.
Good luck with what you decide to do, you can always move back if its not the right "fit" for you
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
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i'm really curious about the financials of a big move. Do you load EVERYTHING on a big truck, and then have to buy again, what gets broken in transit. i think most of my furniture would not survive a huge drive. And surely, there must come a time, when for the cost of the moving truck, it would be same/or cheaper, to buy new whitegoods when you get there? I can never get my head around it (the money part).
And working out where to live, when a different state is new to you.
it all sounds so overwhelming to me.
sometimes i think about it, as i live in a very dry part of Australia.
back to you Daintree, c'mon - with a username like yours honey, it's obviously where your heart is, GO FOR IT! i think you'll kick yourself if you don't.
Kids have 18 years - so yes, your Vic rellies will miss out on 2 of those 18 years. (not counting visits).
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Moving interstate away from family - have you done it? Feeling guilty.
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but I thought if she can do that kind of move surely I can move within Australia! I just can't shake this guilty kinda feeling I have!
I have great friends down here (really really awesome friends) but their kids aren't my kids cousins, and I loved growing up with my cousins, and I want my kids to have that.
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