I think we need to wean but I am not ready.

[NaeNae]

I met with my new Ob yesterday and right at the end of the conversation I asked a question that had been bothering me and wanted his "expert opinion".

We had discussed at length the complications I have faced with my previous pregnancies and though there is no evidence one way or another about the safety of people who are high risk BF through another pregnancy I still needed to hear how he felt about the idea given he is a very experienced Ob.

The look on his face pretty much summed it up. He did say that DD really wouldn't be getting much milk because of the increased Eostrogen (sp?) but he did say that everytime she stimulated the supply oxytocin was released which does cause contractions.

He also said that in his history he has never heard of BF leading to labour but said "its how you feel knowing that information and whether you are comfortable with it"

Part of me is ready to wean, DD is 19.5 months really she only comfort sucks to sleep through the day and at night she is on for as long as I allow her but its a play thing with her latest trick being she puts her finger into her mouth, breaks the seal then reattaches rather roughly.

I have felt odd pangs when she is on the breast which make me uneasy and more likely to wean.

But then there is the part of me that will really really miss that closeness and my darn cancerian traits come to the front and want to hang onto that so tightly.

I feel really really torn and combined with a relatively sleepless night toying over the decision I feel rather emotional about it.

Logically I know that many women do successfully BF through pregnancies but I would forever blame BF if this pregnancy ran into problems and I do have another little person to start considering.

Hubby is keen for me to wean as it will make things easier in the long run.

My goal was 2 yrs but was leaving up to DD. She no longer falls asleep at the breast at night anyway (but still does through the day)

Maybe if I dropped the night feed and worked on the day one later, she doesn't always have day boobie it depends on if we are out or at home.

Last night I tried something new and let her have her two real sucks and a few comfort sucks then I asked her if she wanted her cup and some water she was reluctant to give up boobie but I said it a few more times and she sat up and detatched and wanted her water then I played with her a little bit before the drama of getting her to lay down (our nightly ritual anyway).

SHe was on for less than 2 mins and it made no difference.

I dunno, I guess I just need some help letting the BF go we just worked so hard on it in the beginning I really hate the idea of no longer feeding her, even though I know it will happen one day anyway.


19.5 months is good right??

Nae x

[Barb Glare]

YOur doctor's response was interesting. Oxytocin is the hormone that causes your milk to let down. But it is a hormone that is released in many situation. Notably, it is the hormone that is released during orgasm. Has your doctor advised you not to have sex or orgasm? (I would be surprised if he had!) If you miscarried and had had sex would you always blame sex?
There is absolutely no doubt that you have breastfed long and well - and when you remember back you will remember you fed her for about 2 years (you have!) You are well within your rights to wean. The hormones, as the dr says, of your new pregnancy will limit the milk supply. And oxytocin released during breastfeeding will not cause you to go into labour until your body is ready to go into labour anyway. The choice to wean or not is yours - but breastfeeding does not cause miscarriage or premature labour

[Charlotte91]

I'm not here to advise you what to do.
But I think that 19 months is a MASSIVE achievement. I only BF for a week, but expressed for 7 weeks while DD was in hospital.
I would have given anything to do a few months. You should be so proud of yourself for feeding for 19 amazing months.
You've given your DD the best start in life and you deserve some praise.
I completely understand why you want to wean and if I was high risk again (and if I was still bf-ing) I would wean.

Good luck with your decision.

[NaeNae]

Thanks Barb - we actually do not have sex during pregnancies because I am always terrified that something might trigger something - its a silly rational really I know it sounds silly but because we will never know what caused the early labour with Nikita, for my own sanity, we take no risks with anything. I know all the the logic, I have toyed with weaning several times in the past but pushed on. This time part of me is ready to have a little of me back ... its just the torn decision, I am the worst decision maker when it comes to the hard things. Dh has always been my back up but he cannot understand the desire to BF so cannot understand the struggle to stop.

I might just drop the night feed gradually reducing the snuggle time she pushes me away if there is no boobie anyway and I will reassess once we're down to one ... is having a little suck every other day still considered BF??

Thanks so much Barb, and thank you Charlotte x x x x

[onthefly]

Sounds like a good plan.
My understanding is that the oxytocin will not cause contractions till teh oxytocin receptors in your uterus are ready - ie, when you're primed for labour.
Breastfeeding is breastfeeding is breastfeeding I hope you find a way that works for you both

[Barb Glare]

Dear Nae Nae,

It's understandable that you would do anything to avoid having your baby early. I was more surprised at your doctor's response. You need to do whatever you think is right.

[helle]

I was having the same debate. But mine was more sleep related as DS was waking a million times just for comfort sucks and I was quite exhausted.

In the end my body made the choice for me. My milk dried up at around 14 weeks and DS eventually gave up "trying" and self weaned. It took about a month for him to fully go -he's come back every few days to try his luck (with not much luck!) but he hasn't had any boobie for a good two now so I think it's safe to say that it's officially over.

It may or may not happen to you, but it definitely made the choice easier for me knowing that my body just *did* it. In some way I think it was natures way of saying "you know what, you need sleep, this body of yours needs to grow a baby and we don't really need the milk. We'll ditch it, eh?" I wanted to get to two too and felt a bit guilty but when you physically can't, you can't.

Maybe if you're tied just trust your body. Know that if it gets too much and something's gotta give it'll ditch it's milk supply too. And 19.5 months is a bloody great boobie journey! Doncha forget it!

[Gigi]

Nae,
19 minutes
19 hours
19 days
19 weeks
19 months
(of breastmilk)
it's all good hon.

i am assuming your goal, was to let your child self wean.

breastfeeding is dynamic, things change and goals change too.

i think it's more important that the weaning of your child, involves your family making that decision, not a medical person who is not in your family.

first, make sure you get good info.
doctors do not study bf-ing in med school, so i would seek out info from people who ARE educated about bf-ing e.g Barb Glare, who has already responded, and the ABA.

second, make your decision based on the info AND what suits your family

you're right, it's a big decision. and it's something to come to terms with, a big shift in your family dynamic.

it needs to feel right for you and your DD and your family. not something to be rushed/bullied into, due to uninformed people

and yes, 19 months is terrific - IMO, ANY bf-ing is terrific. I would tell you the same, if you had fed her for 19 hours. it's not a competition, there is no magic number, it's what happens for your family.

[NaeNae]

Thanks everyone so much,

Dh and I have had another discussion about this and we're going to take the weaning process slowly but we both feel because DD is not really "drinking" its more of a "comfort" thing that its time to start letting her learn there are plenty of other ways to comfort her.

We're focussing on the night feed first, which I am happy with because she no longer falls asleep at the breast and its almost become a ritual of boobie until mummy gets tired of having her nose picked, eyes poked, hair pulled, breasts squeezed. Then its sit up and play until forced to lay down.

Last night she had a couple of real sucks and I let her have some comfort sucks before offering her some water which she readily comes off for.

We'll keep doing the day feeds for now so then its not so "cold turkey for either of us, after all it is an adjustment for both DD and myself.

so slowly slowly. I think the night feed will probably be dropped by the end of the school holidays the ways its going anyway.

Thank you all so much for your words of advice x x x

Nae x