Toddlers and Funerals

[NaeNae]

Just wondering if you take your little ones to funerals.

We went to one last week and it was just the memorial tribute but DD was squirming about and didn't want to be held (she has recently started walking) and of course as soon as she was down, she took off and wanted to go outside.

Out of repsect for the family (our neighbours) and others I went outside in the freezing weather so she could run around and go up and down the stairs.

We have just found out that other Family friends (SIL's best friends mother) has just died of cancer (diagnosed two months ago) and her Funeral is Wed.

Its in a church this time so we do not really have an insidey bit where DD can run around when she gets bored. It is around her nap time as well so she gets super cranky if we try to make her sit etc.

DH has said he is going, he knew the woman personally and the two familys have known each other for forever. I never met the woman but know SIL bestie.

I am in two minds about going.

One is I SHOULD go to pay my respects and to support SIL as well.

BUT

After the last funeral last week and knowing what DD was like, i really do not think its appropriate to be taking her to something like that knowing she will be a rat bag. Even if I took her away and played outside, its freezing!

I am more inclined to stay at home with her.

So what would you do??

Nae

[helle]

We didn't take DS to DHs pops funeral for that reason. He's too boisterous and energetic and wouldn't have sat still.
We did take him to the wake tho

[briggsy's girl]

you know your DD Nae - there is no rule about who should or shouldn't attend a funeral service - yes, in an ideal world, we would go and show our respects - but the family will probably be very zoned out as to who is there, and you can pay your respects in other ways at other times

when DH's brother passed, my brother left his kids with his MIL and collected them to come to the wake afterwards - where if they were being fidget bums, it didn't matter so much. i know there were several hundred people at the funeral to pay their respects, but i remember very few of them being there. we were focussed on saying goodbye. it was better to be able to speak to people afterwards when it wasn't such a solemn moment kwim? i know you're out of town and this probably isn't really a viable option - but it's something to consider. is it somewhere you can find a local cafe (if you DD will sleep in her pram or something) and then go back to the wake afterwards?

i have made the decision not to go to a few funerals in the past 12 months due to DD's age and her fidget bum behaviour. i make an effort to catch up with the family privately and pass on my condolences rather than having her (potentially) disrupt the service. if it were immediate family, she would go - but friends and extended family, i stay home (or DH stays with her - or she goes to Granmas)

[*Ash*]

We took our DS - 14 months at the time- to my FIL's funeral. He squirmed around a bit and babbled out loud occasionally. No one seemed to care. We wanted him to be there. I wanted to be able to tell him - when he is older- that he was at his pop's funeral. And I know in my heart that my FIL would have wanted all his grandkids there. There was no question in my mind that DS would miss it.

However, if it was a funeral of someone that isn't connected in any way to my baby or toddler, I probably wouldn't take them. Would you feel ok if just DH went on behalf of your family? I am sure people would understand. I missed my DH's Aunty's funeral recently. DH travelled to Sydney for it and I stayed home with the kids. I sent a heartfelt card to the Aunty's daughter, and apologised for my absence. She was just very grateful that my DH had attended.

[surprised]

Can you call the church and ask if there is a cry room?

[NaeNae]

Thanks everyone for your replies,

Ash - HUbby is going regardless if DD and I go so he as a family rep is fine

Surprised - no the church doesn't have a crying room unfortunately :S

[peanutter]

With my DS, there's no way I could bring him to a funeral. He's a well behaved little thing, but being a well behaved 13 month old appears to involve launging, blowing rasberries, running around, trying to open and close doors, pulling things off shelves, chewing people's keys (and occasionally shoes), waving and saying "hi" to people, animals and friendly looking furniture and doing a whole bunch of perfectly normal things which unfortunately would not go down well at a funeral ...

and as he's not being naughty and just doesn't understand that it's often a sad and solemn occasion (though sometimes is a loud and lively celebration) I don't want to be trying the whole time to make him shush and sit down quietly.

At AGMs and church sermons and other things where generally people keep quiet, I often will take him, and when he's hit his "playing quietly" limit either DH or I will take him elsewhere.

But if there's no simple option for "elsewhere" I would either find a babysitter or just stay home with him.

Or possibly find somewhere nearby and warm where I can wait it out, and then go with him to the wake to support your SIL and hubby. Even if it's just a nearby Maccas where I can grab a coffee and let DS play on the equipment for the hour.