*17yo help!*

**Catastrophic** · July 21st, 2011, 10:53 AM

So, it looks like I don't have enough on my plate atm. my almost 17yo brother has been added to the mix.

He left school before year 10 finished and doesn't want to go back (I've tried)... He has done a number of jobs since then (Hungry jacks, IGA, Trawelling, brick laying). He was recently on the boats but there isn't stability out at sea for him and he met some really dodgy people...

So would like to live with me and get a job or Tafe...

Does any one know if he could get centerlink if he went to tafe? And would that change my C/L pay (I'm on SPP)... I'm barely affording things now, so can't have him here if it's going to make me worst of financially (gee that sounds bad)

And If he doesn't go back to tafe, what is out there for 17yo's to do? How do you get into apprentiships/traineeships etc, I haven't a clue where to start help him looking.

Now he was going to go back to M&D's (Because there is a lot more work opportunities up there) But after Mum turned around and said that I should 'deal with him, because he is my brother' I feel bad for him so giving him another shot to try find something around here.

And then there is the issue of housework? What is acceptable for him to be doing? I'm on his back a lot lately, to close the doors, and pick up after himself, and wash the benches down after he makes a mil0 (Omg the amount of sugar on the bench is incredible)...

Give me hints to help pleaseeeeeeeeee
(And btw this is the other twin to the brother I had a few years ago for those who remember)

**toomanyshoes** · July 21st, 2011, 10:57 AM

I moved out at 17 and did a course through tafe, I received a Clink payment can't remember what it was called though.

I don't see why it would change your payment but you could probably call them and ask to make sure.

**Jennifer13** · July 21st, 2011, 11:00 AM

Oh hun, I think your spirit is admirable, but I'm thinking you should take care of yourself and your kids first. If he can prove that he has enrolled in a course, sorted out the finances as to what he could bring to your household or gotten a job, plus sat down with you and outlined what he'd be willing to do around the house (with your agreement), then I'd say you should welcome him in. Until then, I wouldn't think it's a good idea to give yourself another problem!

Tell him that you need him to demonstrate the above and then he'd be welcome. Once you know what his financial situation could be, then you could go to C/Link. If he lives with you and gives you money towards rent or as a boarder I think you might have to adjust what you tell C/Link you're paying (ie in rent). Can't see how else it would affect your payments. He's not your partner.

As for your Mum ---

. Who exactly gave birth to him and raised him here?? Her timing on that comment is exquisite, given she knows how hard things are for you atm.

**Gigi** · July 21st, 2011, 11:27 AM

i think the time and energy YOU would have to put into, researching how to get an apprenticeship, COULD be done. But you might not complete or pass your own studies this year, as a result.

it is time to choose.

when you get home from full on prac, exhausted, looking after your household and your girls, and doing your coursework, you already have
- unco-operative X to deal with
this new stuff would be adding
- 17 to check and remind and argue with about cleaning up after himself
- 17 to check with and remind about chasing up apprenticeships, gettign him ready for interviews, taking him to see contacts
heaps more that you will know about, but i don't, cos i'm not there (does he take responsibility for his own meals, his own washing, will you have to buy his clothing needed for apprenticeship - it all takes time and energy.

I realise it's hard to say no to your mum, with how she has helped you of late. You are in a tight spot (what is new, i know).

**Footsteps** · July 21st, 2011, 11:37 AM

Huni as someone who is constantly looking out for her brother in some way or other I can safely say put yourself and the kids first. If he's prepared to look for work or Tafe and you can afford it give him say a 3 month trial with rules etc. Your mums comment has surprised me. I hope your ok. Huge hugs xxx

Sent from my iPod touch via Tapatalk xx

**Gigi** · July 21st, 2011, 11:51 AM

there are always extra expenses, when you have someone staying with you. some are obvious, some are not.

i would say you have to add, to your already long list, helping/advocating for your brother (with centrelink, job agencies, educational places).

**JLeigh29** · July 21st, 2011, 12:02 PM

HE's the one who needs to be looking into all this. I was just on the TAFE Qld site the other day and found it easy to use, with lots of help as to courses and what kind of jobs they'll enable you to do. There was also stuff about apprenticeships and traineeships etc, so if he's willing to look, the info is out there. There were also numbers to call to speak with people about what you'd like to do and how to go about applying/accessing courses and traineeships etc. This is the time of year when there are lots of job expos on (at least up this way there are) so maybe a visit to one would be helpful. You can support him by going with him and asking him where he's at, but I wouldn't be doing it all for him...
As for finances, can you phone Centrelink and ask?
And, housework - at 17, I'd be expecting him to keep his own room tidy and help out around the house (eg, with clothes, dishes etc). Is he going to be a bad influence on your girls (ie bringing home questionable friends, staying out partying etc), because you don't need that to be worrying about on top of everything else.
I agree with Footsteps about a trial period (with your expectations made clear beforehand), but I wouldn't even start that until he's done some research of his own into the work/study situation...
GL, it sounds like a tricky situation, and it sounds like it's come at a tricky time in your life....

**~Kaz~** · July 21st, 2011, 12:04 PM

Farout MN!! I think it's official. Your plate is overflowing

I totally agree with Jennifer. For me, sitting on the outside without the emotional attachment to your brother, he would need to put his money where his mouth is so to speak. I kind of read, from your post, that he is already staying with you? So maybe give him a reasonable time frame - whatever you think you could cope with if NOTHING changes to start getting his act together. If he is living in your house, as a *nearly* adult, he is also setting an example to your girls (as are you). You don't want them seeing him make a huge mess, not pick up after themself, you do all that for him but then you expect them to tidy up etc etc. He needs to get that you are not going to have double standards.

Without knowing your brother it's hard to give specific advice about how to motivate him. I would start by treating him the way I want him to treat me and by simply expecting him to pull his weight. (I am terrible at caving and just doing stuff myself because it's quicker and easier but I've come to realise this just feeds the problem).

Definitely call centrelink. They might also have some advice about apprenticeships.

**Cranky Kitten** · July 21st, 2011, 12:11 PM

The lovely ladies have given you some great advice about the c/link/tafe/apprenticeships side of things. These are things he needs to be responsible for deciding about and looking into.

A 17 year old around the house and housework - I'd be expecting him to pull his weight and contribute as any other member of the household. Means doing his own washing, or helping with the communal washing. Cooking. Cleaning. And not just the simple stuff really, all the ins and outs of maintaining a home. But then, I guess that stems from having lived in a rented flat of my own with another 17-18 year old while completing my year 12 studies, and managing just fine. At 17 years old, he's old enough to start taking responsibility for himself. I'd be making this completely clear before saying yes to providing a roof over his head.

**crumpet** · July 21st, 2011, 01:31 PM

i dont know ur story but by the sounds of it things are full on and this is a added stress you dont need so :hugs: for that!!

in terms of a apprenticeship, is there a trade he is interested in? say carpentry, plumbing, cabnet making??? most trades these days prefer to hire a person who has completed a pre apprenticeship, which will give them some basic knowledge to get them started on a job site.

there are companies like MEGT who employ you and then get you onto a job site with a boss... my husbands boss uses this way to employ his apprentices, and that way if either party isnt happy with something they can be found either a new job site or a new apprentice.

im not sure how the centerlink side of things works though im sorry...

also he could go into domestic or commercial trades.... commercial get RDO's, AL and stuff like that, where as when ur a domestic tradie its harder to find a job on wages... thats prob a bit to far in the future atm

**Catastrophic** · July 21st, 2011, 01:45 PM

Jen

is exactly how i felt...

So this is what we have done so far. I have contacted C/L and he now has an interview there next week, and it wouldn't affect my payments. He need's to see a social worker in why it is unacceptable to live at home (Because of the fights). He/we have found a tafe course that he is interested in doing that starts next month. It will help him get into a plumbers apprenticeship. And he will be looking for a part time job to do as well (Just at the local coles/fast food place to help support himself.)

We have had a talk about the rules of the house, there is a bed time (except on weekends) , no drinking/drugs in the house, to be respectful and mindful of me and the girls, doing the dishes, and helping clean around the house, clean his bathroom/toilet (the girls usually use mine anyways) etc.

He is generally a good kid, although drives me insane sometimes. He DOES want to work and/or study and doesn't want to stay at home. And he gets up and cleans without a fuss... Plus he makes a mean Milo

I don't think he will be too much of a problem just that extra workload.

I feel bad for him, because when we agreed last night that he wasn't going to find a job down here (I had given him two weeks to find a job) and my older brother told him to go back home because I have enough on my plate, when we rang up mum to say book him a train ticket back home, she said no, and started to say that he hasn't looked enough and really back tracked (Even after telling me last night that he would have better opportunities up there), and poor little Bro heard me and mum have a little quibble over where he should be, me saying that he should be up there, and then her saying "but he's your brother"

and i could see him getting upset, feeling a little unwanted. So that's when I went right, lets get this to work... And that's what I'm going to do.

Thanks for all your replies lovelys xoxox If you have any other advice chuck it in...

**Cranky Kitten** · July 21st, 2011, 02:01 PM

No more advice chook - just a squishy hug and best wishes. I'd love a sister like you

**Jennifer13** · July 21st, 2011, 02:32 PM

Well of course you've already thought things through!

Hold him to a high standard now and I think it would reduce the stress down the track. If he's going to TAFE, then he needs to be attending as per requirements, fulfilling all his work and getting through the course. From the trainees that DP has, we've seen plenty of young teenagers make lots of promises and then not fulfil them. It's a constant exercise in frustration dealing with them flipping from one thing to the next and being almost responsible for raising them to adulthood, only to be let down in the end. Sounds like he's at least trying to be responsible at home, so hopefully that translates into his study efforts. Tell him what you expect in that area to continue to support him.

Please don't apologise to him or feel guilty, one day when he has a family of his own he'll probably have a better appreciation for where your comments were coming from right now.

Your Mum, on the other hand, does not have the same excuse... But none of us is perfect, I guess.

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · July 21st, 2011, 06:11 PM

He's your mother's son! Surely son trumps brother! You really are a wonderful sister and human being, MN.

I'd be telling your brother that while he's still looking for work, he can do that mornings and take the girls out in the afternoon so you can do your essays. Just a couple of hours - walk to the park, play, come back. That way you're getting some benefit. Don't let it be all extra workload.

Can he cook? He'll need that skill pretty soon, when he moves out and is on his own. Be a good big sister and "teach" him how to follow a recipe. And have him cook for your once or twice a week. Sure, you can help if he needs it, but you're helping him be independent.

You have a lot of extra workload with him there, he can help cut it back a bit. Maybe with playing with the girls, maybe hanging out the family washing while you play. Please don't end up with double chores. (I get Liebs to help with chores, so it can be done!)

**Catastrophic** · July 21st, 2011, 06:53 PM

Thanks Jen - Definitely holding him to a high standard. And I've already told him that he can't take days off and he has to be there rain,hail, shine. I think he gets the commitment. And I feel extremely guilty for what he over heard. He should be feeling love and wanted and not like I didn't want him

Thanks FB xoxox And he's learning to cook, we have an agreement who ever cooks doesn't clean so he wants to cook LOL. And will be getting him to help around the house. My yards have gone feral, so utilizing him there

Since he's not paying rent atm, he's gotta pay his ways with chores :P

**Rivlas** · July 21st, 2011, 08:02 PM

If he wants to do plumbing get him to talk to someone at MEGT.
It is a great organization and you have a worker assigned to you so you can ask questions and he knows who you are.