Independence, it’s good right?

[Epacris]

Just to set the scene. My kids are free range, we live on a quiet street and we are set high up above the road. There is a 1yo and 3yo on one side and a 4yo on the other. My kids are 2yo and 4yo (not including the one attached to the boobie). Anyway the kids have formed a little gang and they play nicely together. All the doors and gates are open and the kids come and go as they please across all the three houses, inside and out. If an adult hasn’t seen or heard them for a while we go and investigate. It works brilliantly, they entertain themselves beautifully.

Last night just before dinner (6pm) my DS1 informed me that he had been invited to dinner next door and that he was going. I didn’t know anything about it and I said “No, we’d like you to stay here and have dinner with us”. He said, “Well, I’ve been invited and I’m going”. I didn’t think he would actually just up and leave, it was dark outside. But he rummaged through some stuff, found himself a torch and promptly left (with bare feet and no jacket)! He’s only 4! This is good right?

ETA: I should add, he went straight over to next door and made himself at home. None of the kids ever wander off, I never worry about that. When the 4yo next door had some friends over they were initially playing up near the house but some time later they started to wander off down the street. My DS1 immediately recognised what was happening and went to get an adult for help.

[Tinks]

I think it's lovely that he feels comfortable going to the neighbours house. It's probably not so good that he disregarded what you asked him to do (or not do). It's a tough one.

[Epacris]

Yeah, Tinks, they were my thoughts exactly.

[*Ash*]

I think he was very resourceful to find a torch before he left.

[Epacris]

Yeah that too ash, because shoes and jacket are totally unnecessary when you’re 4!

[*Ash*]

It seems that shoes are totally unnecessary in my neck of the woods, even when you're 44!
Clearly, the torch was the safety priority. No shoe and jacket = frozen feet and body. No torch= falling over and breaking your neck!

[onthefly]

sounds very mature and responsible for his age

[Nai]

I used to do the same at 4 - I think it is good (apart from the still going when you asked him to stay bit)

[MummaSue]

Hehehe, that made me smile. Very independent little chap, with his own mind!

[nothing2lose]

I think independence needs to be balanced with respect (hard to teach a four year old!!!). You asked him not to go and he did. Probably not something that I personally would be happy with....But, then, I guess it depends on your parenting style.

If it were me, I would be teaching him the most important expression of independence there is....How to do his own washing, cleaning, cooking, ironing, etc

(that was a joke....!...Well, kind of )

[Epacris]

Yep N2L, I totally agree. But at the time it was very much a case of picking my battles. The tone he used with me when I told him “no” was very much, “Yes Mummy, I hear and understand you, but I have decided that this is more important to me right now, and so I am going to do it regardless of what you want.” To get him to tow-the-line at that point I would have had to pull rank which would have been a major escalation of the situation and I was already caught short because I didn’t think he’d actually do it (just up and leave). (and DH had just got home and I was drinking champagne and eating a double brie, so there was also a major no-way-can-I-be bothered-winning-this-one factor going on).

And yes of course, if I ever hand him over to a life partner of his choice he will come fully house trained.

MadB, MummaSue and Nai.

[nothing2lose]

and DH had just got home and I was drinking champagne and eating a double brie, so there was also a major no-way-can-I-be bothered-winning-this-one factor going on).

Say no more....I hear you!

[kelebek]

I think it's wonderful that you have a little village like this... I think it's wonderful how independant he is.... the not listening, I am sure there will be more battles with that so goodluck to you lol

[Beach Mama]

What they all said - sounds like you have a lovely set up! I was just thinking today how nice it would be to live in a quiet street/court where kids can ride bikes etc.

[peanutter]

yay for independence, no to complete disregard for your authority, however:-

I was already caught short because I didn’t think he’d actually do it (just up and leave). (and DH had just got home and I was drinking champagne and eating a double brie, so there was also a major no-way-can-I-be bothered-winning-this-one factor going on).

mumma, nutter hears you

[Epacris]

Thanks guys. Yeah, we’re really lucky, it’s a lovely street. We appreciate it so much now that we have kids of our own. It is just so nice that the kids are all so free. People are sometimes surprised that they don’t wander off, but they all know to stay up near the houses and they never do (wander off). Our neighbours are people we wouldn’t normally be friends with and we’re not friends as such, just friendly neighbours. We’ve thought about moving so many times because our house has a few things that we really don’t like (on a south facing slope, no vehicle access to the house, no large garage/workshop), but we just can’t move ‘cos we don’t want to split up the gang! Where would we find another house with built in playmates.

As for champagne and double brie, I think it’s like putting on your oxygen mask before your child’s isn’t it?

[Gigi]

I think it's lovely that he feels comfortable going to the neighbours house. It's probably not so good that he disregarded what you asked him to do (or not do). It's a tough one.

exactly my thoughts too.

your street sounds so nice. Real Community. i thought it only existed in movies.

[deletedit]

Haha if we had more kids on the street (our street is mostly old farts) my 3.5yo would do that. She's shockingly independent, the worst she's done is leave a crowded restaurant on an extremely busy street while everyone was getting up to leave (very big birthday gathering) and took herself back to the car parked a few blocks away in a strange city. Noone noticed her leave. Fortunately a passer by noticed the small child on the tramline in the middle of the very busy road (Jetty Rd Glenelg on a Saturday night, for the Adelaide people) and rescued her. She was 2.5 at the time.

She tries similar things fairly often, we constantly lose her because we're talking to ourselves about going shopping or something and she overhears, goes out, unlocks the car, and sits expectantly in it (and then gets bored and fiddles with all the buttons in the car). She's made mention of really wanting to go to childcare a few times and I'm dreading the day she decides she's just going to up and walk there herself, it is a good 6 blocks away on the other side of several busy roads and a train line.

My eldest is the reverse, she's very lacking on initiative and will ask to do the simplest things (but won't ask things she needs help with or permission for) and it drives me insane. I think I'd prefer kids somewhere in between.