What to do.

[Astrolady]

A few weeks ago, actually probably more like 3mths ago one of my friends asked us (me and another friend) if we would be interested in going on a night tour of the Adelaide Goal for her 40th birthday. I asked then if partners could go and she said yes. So I said that Andrew would probably be the first one there as he loves all the proclaimed "haunted" places.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I ask her again if it is still happening as Andrew is in the bay to birdwood car rally the following day. She says it is and then says "Oh is Andrew coming is he" I said "umm yes I said that when you initially mentioned it" her reply was "Oh it was supposed to be a girls night only, but it doesn't matter"

A couple of days later she proceeds to tell us that to go it will be $75 each, as she is booking through a haunted tour company, and we get to stay at the Goal for 4 hrs. If you book direct with the Adelaide Goal it is only $28 per head and you still get to stay for 2.5hrs. I go home and tell Andrew the costs, hoping he would back out cause he has to be up at 4am the following morning to get organised for the car rally and we would not get home till 1.30am, but he still wants to go even though it will cost us $150 !!!

So this last week I get in our car rego bill which is just shy of $800 for a 12mth period. I don't wish to pay 3mths as it will make it due again 7 days before Christmas. So I have to find and pay $800 right before the 40th birthday, where I will need another $150.

I am now contemplating not going on the tour. I would feel bad if I went alone when Andrew really wants to go too iywkim, and I really don't see how we can both afford to go when I would have just paid a huge rego bill.

What would you do ??

[PumpkinZulu]

I wouldn't go. Life and bills get in the way unfortunately. Maybe if the friend had told me the costs well in advance so I could put some away, but no, I wouldn't be going with such a large rego bill and such short notice of the costs. That's just me though.

[*Efjay*]

Yeah i agree with the pp . I would have to pull out.

[Mel_B1981]

I would pull out.
If you go by yourself you upset Andrew.
If you don't go, you upset your friend - but she gets her "girls night".
Yes you'll wind up with two people upset, but things like rego I see as being far more important than parties and other entertainment.

[Tinks]

I wouldn't go either. I think you should book a tour for a later date for the 2 of you though.

[krystals]

I'd pull out- if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Perhaps you can go together, another time? You'll enjoy it more anyway as you won't be worried about stepping on anyone's toes. (unless you can't see them, because they're ghosts :P). If it were me, I'd also buy a small gift for my friend, and send my apologies. Maybe also do something that night with the family, whether it's a movie and homemade popcorn night, or whatever, so you don't feel like you're missing out.

[Livinthedream]

I dunno hon, I would be telling Andrew that you cant afford for him to go.
It is her 40th so thats kind of a big deal, and TBH, Andrew is a big boy, I am sure he will get over the dissapointment and he can go another time.
I guess it depends on how close a friend she is, but I would make the effort, and she probably was hoping for a girls nite.
GL


ETA, to be fair, she did give you 3 months notice and you have known for 12 months that the rego would be due, so I dont think that you can really play that card

[Rouge]

I wouldn't go and I'd reorganise the tour with a group of your mutual friends.

If she was hoping for a girls night she shouldn't have said in the first case andrew could come. Sorry but to me it sounds like over the course of 3 months, the plans changed and not only did she not inform you, but didn't inform you of the costs. If I did that to my friends I don't imagine they'd come either. And given that the rego is normally heaps less I understand the financial stress it puts you in. It's not like you just forgot.

Courtesy goes both ways.

[STARRYSKY]

I'd have to agree with most of the op's.

I did the night tour thing at $28, it was quite involved (and freaky) and TBH I was glad to be outta there by the end of it.
They do open days on Sundays too, where you can just wander around where you like, also ghost activity is just as rife in daylight hours!

[Traveller]

I wouldn't go. She was not upfront about the cost (it was reasonable of you to assume that it would be $28 each) and she was not clear that she wanted a girls night only, putting you in an awkward spot. That sort of thing ****es me off so I wouldn't go in principle. But I suppose it depends how good a friend she is.

[Astrolady]

ETA, to be fair, she did give you 3 months notice and you have known for 12 months that the rego would be due, so I dont think that you can really play that card

We usually pay 6mthly on our Rego LTD. When we got our rego bill we discovered that 6mth payment was no longer an option. I have a punching bag post about it. We also have not had 3mths notice about the cost of going. I thought it was just the standard night tour, not through an actual tour group. We only found that out 2 weeks ago.

[Astrolady]

Thanks girls.

If I remember I am going to have a chat to my friend tomorrow and ask her if she has booked the tour as yet. If not I will ask her if she knows you can book it direct with the goal for a lot less. For all I know she might not even been aware that you can do that.

[Freya]

I would not go.......................and then take yourselves for a date there later on and just do the $28 tour

[Jewel]

I would not go.......................and then take yourselves for a date there later on and just do the $28 tour

Same.

[~me~]

I wouldn't go either. For $75 I would be expecting dinner as well and not just 4hrs around the gaol.

I agree with other posters and go on a date with just you and your DH, you would get both of you in and something like afternoon tea for that price.

[LionsandBears]

I think you have to work out what you want first. How much can you afford? If you do the $28 tour, will you end up spending loads more anyway with dinner and presents?

I'd talk to your friend. Tell her you can't afford that particular tour, you're happy to do the cheaper version or maybe catch up for dinner. Or just explain you're now skint and can't make it. Unexpected expenses are part of life.

I think you also need to tell Andrew it is now a girls only night but given the price, you'd rather the two of you go at a later date. If that's what you want. If you still want to go with the girls, just explain it and see what he says. Him being disappointed isnt the end of the world, though I realise you'd like to avoid this. He's a big boy and the gaol will still be there for later trips.

I know you dont want to let people down, but the reality is you cant afford for you to both go on that particular tour. It may be the end result is everyone feels disappointed, but the bills get paid. It sucks, but that's part of life. As PP have said, you can do other, cheaper things to make up for it.

Personally, I couldnt do a 4 hour ghost tour. 2 hours seems plenty. I done night tours of both Port Arthur and the Sydney Quarantine Station. Both were freaky enough without being cold and dark and scared silly for 4 hours.

[Trillian]

I'd be suggesting the cheaper tour and if she doesn't go for it, then I'd probably back out. Even if it were me and my DH didn't end up going, that is a lot of money to spend just for one person when I knew I had to scrape for a big bill. She should have told you well before now what she was planning so it didn't put you in this situation to start with.

[peanutter]

that's a lot of money!! would you enjoy it though?

if it's something you'd really enjoy, then I'd go, but probably without DH (though I'd organise another time to go with him).

it would annoy me that your friend isn't really helping out by not updating you on the girls only status, or the cost a lot earlier on!!

but if I wanted to do the activity, and I could scrape together the money, I'd probably still go ... it might be the case however that my participation and maybe a drink for her was effectively my prezzie!!

but if it wasn't something I was ok spending the cash on, I'd organise coffee and a gift instead ...