Invite wording - pay for own meals?

[ladybird11]

I know it goes against the rules of etiquette, but how would you word an invite for guests to pay for their own meals in lieu of a gift?

It'll be my for dad's 70th, and though I don't mind footing the bill for everyone's meals, my brother would prefer the above option.

Any ideas would be swell!

[PumpkinZulu]

Just what you said, pretty much! "In place of gifts, we ask that you please pay for your meal, at ($$$) per person."

[Lenny]

Depends how formal the invite is. Just word it like you said - short and sweet, no ambiguity. Or if it's informal then say "Dad's had 69 birthdays already, he doesn't need an iphone blah blah"

How are they going to pay? Do they pay you? Put money in a box? Pay the restaurant?

[Miss.September]

When you write out the details of "date", "where", "rsvp" you could also add "cost", and then at the bottom of the invite, just write that no gifts are necessary, the presence of those invited is a gift enough, or something to that effect. Hope he has a lovely birthday

[Rivlas]

As long as you state on the invitation that they need to pay for their meal it should not be a problem. At that age it is now getting the norm for this type of invitation to be sent.

My mum went to a 80th party and the guests were told during the meal that they had to pay for the meal, did not go down well at all. She said they should have been told when the invitation came

[delphmoon]

When you write out the details of "date", "where", "rsvp" you could also add "cost", and then at the bottom of the invite, just write that no gifts are necessary, the presence of those invited is a gift enough, or something to that effect. Hope he has a lovely birthday

I agree

[Muppity]

how about "Dad wants your presence rather than presents" and then just add cost at the bottom with RSVP etc.

Logistics of the actual night may be more difficult - you will have to work out how they all pay - and probably warn the restaurant that people will be paying individually.

[ladybird11]

Yes, they'd just be paying the hotel for the meal.

Part of me is feeling a bit rude to dictate to others how they spend their money still. Argh

[surprised]

Depending on the hotel's rules, might be better to get their money beforehand? (transfer into your acct). Otherwise you might end up stuck paying for the no-shows.

[Charlotte91]

(didn't read replies) But we are in the middle of organising a celebrational meal a few weeks after our wedding for all the family who we didn't invite to the ceremony.

We just put on the invite "In lieu of wedding gifts we ask that you please contribute to the cost of your own beverages and meal"

Thats the nicest way we could do it. Good luck!