So my (3 years) has become a nightmare the last month or so. Everything ends in tears and I'm not sure how to deal with it? Reasoning with him does not work and I have to try really hard to keep my cool. He gets really angry and will start kicking and punching walls when he doesnt get his own way. I am sure it's a pretty normal phase he is going through but if anyone has any ideas on how to best deal with this I would really appreciate it!
In my experience terrible two's is easy compared to the terrible three's!!! It was a really challenging time for us. A few tips that i could give would be to choose your battles, where you can give a little just to stop so much angst in the household. Better for everyone involved Also a carer told me that as our little ones get older and start to realise they are capable you can start extending their boundries a little (appropriate to their age). They may be quite capable of certain things now that you just don't realise because you're just so used to doing everything for them. Making new allowances and making a big deal of them will make them feel a little special and hopefuly get them out of the habit of feeling they have to fight for everything. Obviously this isn't always going to work but where it can it may begin to take a bit of pressure off. They also say it's great to talk about feelings of frustation/sadness/hurt with them so they realise what they are feeling and maybe how you can fix it. They will feel acknowledged this way and it's great for them to understand their feelings and how to deal with them.
I remember being in tears one morning because DS1 wanted to eat his wheatbix with a fork and we got into can agrument because he was so determined to probably just because i said NO. When i thought about it later i realised it hurt no one and i should have just let him go to figure it out himself. It takes a bit to realise our little ones are capable of so much more and they already need us less than they did a year or so ago.
HTH a little bit. I'm certainly no expert, but it's what has helped me. hope it passes soon.
I'm another one with an angry little chicken...what worked...ummm
I agree with EJ I learned to pick my battles.
I have to try really hard to remember she isn't doing it to personally irritate me. She's frustrated and the feelings she's feeling (complex ones) are new to her. She doesn't know how to vocalise. Can I give her an option?
Is it safe to leave her and say "when you've finished let me know and I'll try and help you" I have been known to just pick up a screaming child without a word and pop them in their room/return to the car and go home. I know it's so much harder when you're really pregnant. I don't use time out but their room is safe and quiet (all our toys are in the playroom) and often mine just need some space to deal with it themselves. I just tell them I will deal with their problem when they can speak to me. I don't have children that will let me get down and cuddle them when they're melting down - it only makes it worse for us all.
Is she hungry? angry? lonely? tired?
Am I expecting too much of her? Can I help her do what I want?
Does offering a phrase rather than a demand (the toys go in the box rather than pick up your toys!) and then starting the action avert a meltdown?
Will giving an option avert a meltdown?
Can the meltdown wait two seconds while I walk away and count to ten and then deal with it calmer?
I tend to find reasoning only really works as they get older, but that may be just my kids.
Zap i find that with my big boy (who is now 4.5) the behaviour comes in spurts... The other week him and his brother (2.5) did nothing but argue and create arguments and the last week he's been much better. Today he has been so clam and cruisy and my god i love him so much today
They keep it interesting to ensure we stay on our toes
And often getting out of the house and doing something different can help
At my wits end!
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Also a carer told me that as our little ones get older and start to realise they are capable you can start extending their boundries a little (appropriate to their age). They may be quite capable of certain things now that you just don't realise because you're just so used to doing everything for them. Making new allowances and making a big deal of them will make them feel a little special and hopefuly get them out of the habit of feeling they have to fight for everything. Obviously this isn't always going to work but where it can it may begin to take a bit of pressure off. They also say it's great to talk about feelings of frustation/sadness/hurt with them so they realise what they are feeling and maybe how you can fix it. They will feel acknowledged this way and it's great for them to understand their feelings and how to deal with them.
hope it passes soon.
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