what am i doing wrong??My DD is an absolute nightmare!I dont know if its normal beahviour,shes been a full on kid since she was about 1 and now shes 2 and a half and out of control,ive known it for a while but since we had DS 8 weeks ago shes turned into(and i hate saying it)simply a horror,shes turned into a demanding yelling strange child!Now my sister in law is now saying she has early signs of ADHD and i jsut dont know what to do!We dont have any friends with a 2 year old so i dont know if its normal behaviour or not,she just keeps repeating herself in my face all day,saying the same things over and over demanding till she gets her own waay and just i dont know really alot of behaviour things that are strange i know but like for example she has sets routines and if we dont do them she has a melt down but to be honest she has one over absolutely everything these days if we say no,but yet shes really hypo all the time shes got like no attention span and cant sit still for a few seconds and she just goes on and on from 5 in the morning,i feel im losing control and im just at my wits end,is there really adhd in a child so young?I just want to cry every night because shes so awful and im getting resentful and like i cant even stand her near me(i love her but you know what i mean)and i feel for my poor DS because my attentions on her all day and if its not she goes crazy like yesterday she pulled out every item of clothing in her cupboard and threw over floor and while i was folding and putting away that she was into the bathroom with my shampoo and body wash all over the floor and herself and down the drain,shes into everything and really disruptive and destructive i just dont know where to go from here,i dont know whether to take her to a pead or try a book on better discipline or what to do but we need some sort of control back
the adjustment period after having a new baby can be tough on little ones. I have to say the last few months have been the hardest with my dd and she's two and a half too. I totally understand the non stop demanding and then meltdowns over the smallest of things.
The things that works best for me is taking time to reconnect with dd and reignite the positive energy. I find the more negative attention she gets the more negative behavior I see. I know it's tough with such a small baby and all you want to do is run away and take the baby, but if you can really try and talk softly to her with cuddles and reassurance you might find an improvement. What about a bath together after baby goes to bed, or a cuddle at bedtime with some stories. Basically something with lots of touching and soft kind words.
As for the discipline, I have heard 1-2-3 magic is good but haven't tried it myself. I find positive reinforcement the best strategy which is basically ignore the negative and praise the positive (and ignoring is really really hard when you just want to explode).
I agree that the transition for the whole family when a new baby is born is massive and takes time. We had a similiar age gap and I was shocked at how my nice little girl turned into a horror almost instantly. To be fair she was the centre of attention for everyone up until that point and then no one paid her too much attention at the time the baby was born. Add this to sleep deprivation and general 2yo stuff and it was not pretty. I had some advice to point out to her that we were having mummy and Zoe time when we went to bed and then do the same when she was having one on one time so she actually realised it.
I often look back on that time and feel like I hardly saw the baby - she woke, fed and got plonked back down. Luckily she knew no better! I think you just need to be kind to yourselves and give it some time. If you really feel she needs to be checked out then perhaps ask your MCHN her opinion. I would not worry too much about other people tho - it is a big change and often people who are not used to little kids forget how normal meltdowns etc can be. Do you have outside stuff you can do without going anywhere? Sand pit, water table, trampoline? I found being outside much better at expending energy and we blew and chased LOTS of bubbles in the early days between feeds. xxxxxx
You're not alone, I think all toddlers go through this stage, and throw into the mix a new baby, and its hard for them to adjust.
Have you got a sling for your newborn? I found if I put DS in that, I could then sit and do craft or playdo or something with DD. When we got to cranky o'clock, DS would go back in the sling, and DD and I would sing or we would walk up and down our long hallway, doing big steps, little steps, and so on. DS was happy because he was being held and we were on the mood, and DD was happy because I was doing stuff with her. Stickers were always good at distracting her when I was feeding DS, and tbh, the tv was a bit of a lifesaver in early days, as it was winter.
Have you got someone that can take DD for a break, and then maybe leave DS with DH or someone, and just take DD out for a special treat, without your DS? I also had DD in childcare 1 day a week, and I think we both needed that.
It is a stage that we all go through, so be easy on yourself
I think the others have given you some fantastic advice. But if in your heart you feel that something might be up it really doesn't hurt to give your MCHN a call or see your GP. If it is what other people are saying to you, not what you feel, then keep going. Like the others have said it's a huge adjustment for her and it will take time.
hey there 1pj.. i work in the child development area and would just like to say - dont be perturbed about the ADHD comment thing, its just one of those labels (along with the autism label) that people like to toss around whenever there is a child with a few behavioural issues..i dont know how many times i have had people say to me they think a child has adhd or autism when its really just a few difficult behaviours.. sounds like fairly normal toddler behaviour, as others have said, it is a time of big change and lots of adjustments to be made, so its pretty natural for young children to let you know through behaviours they are not happy about it if they are not so good at communicating that yet. one thing you said that stands out to me though is that how you say she has to have set routines - sometimes this can indicate a child that is a bit overly sensitive, in terms of sensitive to noise, touch, movement, visual input etc.. sometimes children who are a bit on the sensitive side and tend to over react to stimuli, have a need to have set routines so they can predict what is coming up next and not be overwhelmed by everything.. also that you said she has 'no attention span' could be an indication that she is a very sensitive child, sensitive to what she is seeing and experiencing around her in her environment, making it very difficult to concentrate on one thing at a time.. I think it would be worth seeing a paed just to discuss through your concerns, even it helps to reassure you that everything is ok.. and if there are any problems, that way you can get on top of them early which is really important when their are developmental concerns, but it might also be worth asking for a referral for an occupational therapist who could help you with any areas of sensory sensitivity - this is nothing to worry about if your child is more sensitive, its just everyone has different ways of responding to stimuli in their world, and some of us are more sensitive than others - as we get older, we learn to adapt, but for children, we need to learn ways of changing the environment, the task or our expectations to help them to cope better until they learn ways of coping themselves.. an OT can help you in this area..
Completely agree with the above post. Not fair of your sister to throw that at you either. It is not helpful. a better thing for her to say is this is an adjustment time but if you are really concerned go and speak to a MCHN or a peadiatrician.
When you think about it your DD started acting out when she could walk, talk and mummy became pregnant. All very big things. Now add in some more competition for mummy's time and normal developmental tantrums and trying to be independent (even though they are so dependent on us) and you have a nightmare. Just like my child when she was at that age. We have just hit 2.5y ears and have had a few good weeks as communication is improving so please dont feel defeated.
Do see someone though if you are concerned just as the above poster suggested. Big to you.
just want to cry :(
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the adjustment period after having a new baby can be tough on little ones. I have to say the last few months have been the hardest with my dd and she's two and a half too. I totally understand the non stop demanding and then meltdowns over the smallest of things.
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