Complimenting appearance at work - ok these days or not?

[Astrid]

Today I went to work in a new dress, nothing overly flash, just happened to suit me and I was wearing a new bra (yeah for a proper fitting bra). Received a compliment from the only other girl at work, which was good and we do tend to discuss fashion (or the lack of in our town).

Got home and noticed a text from my boss. Very long winded in his usual fashion, but basically saying "sorry for being politically incorrect, but you looked stunning today". Personally I felt no problem with it, he is a generous, positive person, so not really that strange for him.

So, that gets me onto what I am asking, when is it ok to compliment someone's appearance at ok? Never, depends on the relationship, depends on the workplace etc??

[Rouge]

Dunno it's a tough call. I'd be weirded out by it only because he apologised which says to me he knows it was the wrong thing to do and the word "stunning" would make me feel uncomfortable coming from any man other than my husband. But then I am REALLY awkward about ANY positive compliments or attention from any man other than my husband so that could be my own filters coming through.

[Maruschke]

I think it's OK to compliment someone, if you can do it with a non sexual tone. That can be hard though.

[Traveller]

I would feel a lot more uncomfortable with a text like that than a simple "you look nice today" in person but only you can judge where the line is and if it has been crossed. If you think this is an ok situation then it probably is.

[Nai]

It depends on the workplace and the person I think. I work in the fashion industry so a compliment means a lot and most of the men are gay so it isn't at all uncomfortable. I think it is an individual thing.

[Teeki]

If it's not strange for your boss (as you know him) then I'd have no issue with it. But personally, in my own work, I'd find the situation odd. Not the compliment from the other girl, and even if it was any other male while I was at work with a passing "Hey, you look good today!" I'd love the compliment

But to get a text after work, and as Rouge said apologising and using the word stunning, it seems like he's thinking about it maybe too much, and I don't see the point of going to the effort after that matter to kind of go out of your way to say you looked good today.

Not sure I've made much sense there, but it just seems a bit out of the ordinary to me.

[Astrid]

Dunno it's a tough call. I'd be weirded out by it only because he apologised which says to me he knows it was the wrong thing to do and the word "stunning" would make me feel uncomfortable coming from any man other than my husband. But then I am REALLY awkward about ANY positive compliments or attention from any man other than my husband so that could be my own filters coming through.

I have to admit if it came from one of the other guys at work, it would have been weird.

[Beach Mama]

Mmmm if he had said something at work like "you look nice today" just offhand, casual I wouldn't' think anything of it, but I find it odd he would text you to tell you that. Hard call as Rouge said too because we don't know the guy and it sounds like it was totally innocent if you feel comfortable with it?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I agree with Traveller, it's the texting part that makes it weird for me. I've complimented the guys at work if they're looking handsome, it's more of a casual 'well don't you look spunky today!' thing, and I would be fine with them saying the same thing to me.

That's the thing about sexual harrassment, a lot of the time it's more about how you've perceived it. What's offensive to some might be fine for others.

Congrats on a well fitting bra!

[Astrid]

Yeah, I suppose he is a texter and a wordy texter, so the style was not odd for him IYKWIM. Going to go with it being innocent for the moment.

[Astrid]

Congrats on a well fitting bra!

Thanks

[~Ash~]

It is so context based that it's hard to say if it's appropriate or not in general. Personally it would be all based on how the comment made me feel - I trust my instincts when it comes to people crossing the line.

I'm glad that his comment didn't cross that line for you. Sounds like the outfit it a keeping though




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[Cassius2]

I think it is AOK. i remember my boss once being so shocked at how nice my new hairdo was that i began to wonder that i might of looked a real ol' hag beforehand

[AndiE]

Given all you've said, I don't see a prob with him texting that to you. If he'd followed it up with something salacious, then whoa ... different story. But it sounds like it should be taken as he intended -as a compliment. Good for you!

Personally, I think a well meaning compliment in the work place is a great thing.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

No probs here!

I've had my fair share of compliments from guys at work. One of the older men at work said my hair is very nice. When i was pregnant and hit the second trimester and started to feel better alot of the guys said i looked really good and that pregnancy suited me (i got this from almost everybody: friends, family, customers etc) the only comment made to me that made me feel a bit weird was the front end supervisor one night when we were all going out to a work function said that i was "gifted" in the chest area as the top i was wearing was quite revealing. DP was there and jokingly (but also seriously) told him to back off and then he apologised and said that they were "right there"

[Astrid]

Ok, well I asked him about the text today. I just asked what would his wife think of the text. Without hesitation he said "not a problem, she knows I like to compliment people and I would say the exact same thing if she was standing beside me". So completely innocent.

[~Ash~]

That's really good Astrid - I'm glad it doesn't have to play on your mind anymore.


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