Assisted Conception parents having troule with pregnancy annoucments
I have been blessed with two beautiful boys with ICSI/IVF and compared to others, our journey has been relatively straight forward. DS2 is only 6 months old, so I don't actually want to be pregnancy right now (though we don't use contraception as the chances of conceiving naturally are very slim).
Since our pregnancy/parenting journey started, I've found it hard to deal with pregnancy announcement from family, particularly as I know they are natural and straightforward conceptions. My first reaction is always pain/grief/feeling like I'm going to cry and I always manage to put on a good face of "Oh lovely, congratulations" etc and bury those sad feelings deep down til later.
Does anyone else feel like this? Is this normal?
Particularly, coming up to Christmas, I am actually worried and anxious that my BIL and SIL will announce they are pregnant. While I would be delighted for them, I get teary at just the thought. I am pretty sure that no one except DH (who also gets tad upset) would have any idea that these things upset me. I kind of feel like no one acknowledges what a struggle and difficulty it was for us. I still feel that grief even now after 2 DSs.
hun i know exactly how you feel.
i don't have any kids but have been trying for 3yrs now. i dread those announcements. like you i get teary just thinking about it.
my sil announced it to everyone for the last one. she knew how long i had been trying. i was really upset and had to suck it up until i got home.
i told her another day that she should have told me separately so that i had private time to process it. i hope she has enough respect for me to do this next time.
Although we avoided AC, we were LTTTC and I get where you are coming from. Even when I was pregnant myself, hearing about other (especially easily conceived) pregnancies brought up a lot of odd feelings, given I was pregnant - jealously, anger, resentment. Even now, I find myself with my 6 month old daughter feeling this.
It is hard, because it's a reminder of my own grief - that thing I can't have. Birth announcements and chatter about babies, etc, I'm fine with - I think because I have my own now - but pregnancy announcements tend to get me still.
PA's still get me too. It's more that their PA is a happy event... naive might be the wrong word... but they have usually not had to experience the journey we went on. They are happily ignorant of my reality. For me, it's a reminder that I can't do what most women can - decide they want to have a baby, make a baby at home, and be confident from the first BFP that they are bringing a baby home. Hugs bloom.
I feel the same hun. We can only conceive with IVF so I am constantly reminded that I can't have children the good old fashioned way. I grieve for the natural conceptions I can't/couldn't have. Yes, I have been blessed with two babies through IVF, but it still hurts that I couldn't have conceived them naturally like it's supposed to be. And it especially hurts when the PA announcements read 'we weren't even trying' or 'it was our first/second attempt at trying'. Some people are just extra lucky I guess. I am actually going to start seeing my psychologist as I know I have an issue with the IVF process, and since we'll be trying again very soon, I want to make sure I'm as ready as I can be.
Ditto for me, I find it really hard to hear too, especially when it appears to be so easy (and cheap!) for them to conceive. I think it's entirely normal, and to be honest it doesn't go away, even after I had my son I felt like it was so hard when I heard friends and family were pregnant, but I realised I was often directing my anger at my infertility at people who weren't responsible for it. Christmas is a tough time which adds to the emotions too. Try not too work yourself up too much and enjoy what you can
Totally feel the same, and I get angry at myself that my reaction is sometimes not genuine, but have learnt not to beat myself up about it. I agree with Mad B, BA and baby chatter I can deal with, but PAs get me every time. Although I must admit when I hear comments made by mothers or fathers venting about their kids, I always feel a bit angry, cos they should be grateful they have kids IYKWIM.
Yep another here who can relate to those feelings. Been TTC three years and I also dread those announcements and can get myself quite upset just thinking about it. I know it is not thier fault either and it's only me processing what I have been through and grieving for what I don't have.. It's hard because it is such mixed emotions trying to be happy for them while dealing with your own grief...
Thank you everyone for sharing how you felt too. It is sort of reassuring to know that I am not the only one who feels like this. I guess, even 3+ years since finding out we needed IVF, I am still coming to terms with it. I talk about it with other people but none of my closest friends have had IVF or similar trouble TTC.
To those without babies yet, it is so much harder for you. Sending you lots of
I was thinking about this the other day and I realised a lot of it is jealousy. I want what they have (an easy conception). I think I need to let go of wishful thinking and accept my lot in life. I have been blessed with children, no matter how they came.
BellyBelly Member
Assisted Conception parents having troule with pregnancy annoucments
hun. its hard.
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