Advice for talking to DH about a doula

[k4t]

Hi. I'm still very early in my first pregnancy (9 weeks) but have already been giving a bit of thought to what sort of birth preparation I want.

I'm planning to deliver with an wonderful OB in a private hospital and I'm 100% confident with that plan. DH and I discussed birth a few times before we were pregnant (mainly in terms of who we don't want there) and at the time I think we both just assumed it would just be the two of us. The more I think about it having a doula there seems like a really great idea for extra support. I don't want my DH to feel exhausted and like he has no backup, especially if it's a long first labour. Also I'm quite keen to look into calm-birth/hypno-birth techniques and while I want to give my DH the benefit of the doubt, I know that it's really not going to be 'his thing' if you know what I mean.

I've casually brought up the idea of hiring a doula a couple of times with DH so far and been met with a lot less than enthusiasm. In the end I know he'll support whatever I want to do but I'm looking for some advice on the best ways to discuss it with him so he understands it's not about me doubting his ability to support me, etc. Should I just leave it until later in the pregnancy to discuss it? I don't think the concept of labour has much reality for him yet. On the other hand we're both so busy I want to allow as much time as possible to find the right doula and get to know them a bit.

[e_p]

I'm on my phone so can't see where you live, but if you're in Melbourne I really highly recommend looking into the ante-natal classes run by Di Diddle - they are really wonderful preparation for labour and birth, especially for partners!! They are independently run and so cost a bit, but DH and I did them and it was the best money we spent throughout our pregnancy. We actually left one of the classes and DH suggested we have a doula

[PumpkinZulu]

I can second Di Diddles classes, they're great!

[HotI]

What type of person is he? If he is analytical, into stats etc you can print out the benefits of having a doula (lower rates of intervention, ...)

Think about the reasons why you want a doula, and then how these reasons apply to your dh.

[Pholi]

Hi k4t,

When my sister had her first two (14 and 12 years ago) she persuaded her DH to agree to have me there as a 'support person'. He wasn't keen, but after the event, and still even today, he raves about how great it was having two of us there. My sister had a very demanding birth, and two of us meant there was a little bit more to go around in terms of holding the water ready to sip, holding her hand, holding the gas mask handy when she reached for it, rubbing her low back, and keeping the fan directed at her face, all at the same time. And it meant we could take a coffee or toilet break ourselves, without leaving her alone. When her second was due, her DH suggested they ask me again.

You could discuss it with him in terms of having a support person there to back him him, to make sure you never have to be alone if he needs a few minutes out, and having already discussed the people you know you don't want there, prompt the suggestion of a professional support person, instead of a friend or family member.

[k4t]

Thanks for all the advice. I'll definitely look up Di Diddles