Due date?

[~MummaBear~]

I lost my little girl just over 2 years ago and im still struggling to come to terms with certain things. We celebrate her birthday, the day she was actually born and that seems to be enough for most people but i am really struggling coming up to the anniversary of her due date (22nd of Feb). I have kind of got the feeling that people think im dragging it out or making more of it that i should. but is it normal to feel emotions about the date that "should" have been her birthday?

[Ahurani]

I'm not in that situation. But I think you should do what YOU want to. Who cares what other people think. She is your daughter and if you feel like you need to celebrate her due date then you should!

[chepie]

I totally understand, it's Hugh's due date 29 Feb and I am planing on doing something special xoo I think it's normal x

[Miss.B]

I'm sorry you've lost your little girl If some people think you're dragging it out, making it more than you should, shame on them. They have clearly not lost a baby and they shouldn't make you feel this way. They just don't understand that we continue and will continue to grieve and miss our baby, and celebrate/remember the day they were born. They were here, albeit for a very short time. Don't they deserve the recognition? My first born son's birthday comes on 1 October every year and although it's a sad reminder that he's not here with us, I still celebrate and remember his short but beautiful life. Many hugs hun, and do what you want to do and what's in your heart.

[dory]

Bobbie - is it Miss K's EDD .... and 2 years? I remember I spoke to you around her birthday. I publically celebrate birthdays, and privately EDDs. For me, there are so many EDD's that it can get hard to give each one due attention, it's just too draining for me to be in a state of almost monthly mourning. I had to make a decision about how I could cope with so many dates that would reignite my grief. That's the solution that works for me. Birthdays are so much more poignant, because of the process of birthing. But that's me. I still remember each significant date, and sometimes just remember things that were special during each pregnancy. But I can't forget EDD's, I just don't invest as much energy into them. How can you possible forget the day the Dr's gave you that you would most likely meet your healthy baby, and your new life together would start? How you can forget the EDD, a day that reminds you of all that you've lost?

I agree with Miss B..shame on them. They haven't walked your path. They don't understand the longing in your heart for Miss K, for all that might have been, and the missing piece of you that broke away when she couldn't stay.

I have been thinking about what you said about "struggling". I was thinking that I don't "struggle", but I do. I think though I am just so accustomed to struggling with different aspects of this grief journey that I forget that I am in fact "struggling". Not that my trip to my grief counsellor last week would say I'm struggling, or a vent I had not long ago on BB about an insenitive relative....LOL.... sometimes the self delusion is just crazy. I suppose I meant, I am not struggling right now, but that doesn't mean I wasn't a few moments ago or won't be in a few moments. Our grief is lifelong, and there are things that happen every day in our lives now, that require us to delve into our grief, sometimes unexpectedly. For we bereaved mother's, there is a new normal, and for each of us it will be different, but we are changed, and every day we are the ones that try to live our lives in the face of that change.

So hugs, big hugs, for hard times. As Miss B said, follow your heart.

[~MummaBear~]

Thanks so much guys. I hate this, its not fair that some people have to walk this path, and i know that my path is no where near as bad as some but it is still a hard path. I dont feel like celebrating her EDD but it is a hard day. It makes me sad and emotional. the lead up is hard too. I have turned into a psycho emotional ***** (and that is putting it nicely LOL) i am glad that this year at least i know why i am Mrs Psycho. I kind of feel like i am clinging to dates because that is all i have. I dont get to tell the cute stories or anything. her birthday and her EDD are all we have