Is Your Locus Completely Exterior To You?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Alternatively titled 'Validation - Self or External?' (forgive the TBBT quote )

I'm trying to be more self validating, as opposed to relying on external validation. For one thing, Professor doesn't do the whole validation thing very well. For another, I guess I really should be more confident within myself so I can build up a barrier against another breakdown.

When I say external validation, I mean things like when I do a heap of housework. When Professor gets home I either take him around the house and show him everything, or I've sent him and email telling him about it. If I don't do those things and he doesn't notice, I feel like everything I did that day doesn't matter because it hasn't been noticed or praised. I really need to get out of that habit and start having parades for myself in my mind instead.

So, if you've been on this journey, how did you do it? How did you 'wean' yourself off external validation?

[Chocaholic]

For me, I started having times of the day when I could say "I am doing a great job". This could be during breaks at work, after dinner, whenever. It was not a set time, just regularly during the day when I took stock of what I was achieving.

Also, I would think positive thoughts such as "of course I can do this" or "I am feeling great today".

GL. It can be difficult to break the bad habits but it is definitely worth the effort

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I like that idea Chocaholic - like a 'done' list instead of a 'to do' list, and you can totally pat yourself on the back. Nice!

[MrsFabuloso]

I have been trying to do this too Keike. I'm really bad for need ing validation from others to feel good. I am trying to realise that I am doing a great job I must be because my kids are freaking awesome little people and well, they're with ME 24/7. Daddy comes and goes but I am here always. I am the same with cleaning too. If DH doesn't verbally acknowledge things done, then I either fish for comments or go on about how I have spent the day doing what ever...
Not being at work, for me is making things like this impertant, because at work, I used to always get verbal praise and validation from bosses, workmates and parents (I was a childcare worker). Now I get nothing really. So I need to work out how to make me feel good, without needing to hear 'you're great' from others. It's tough. I have started a bit of a greatful thing at night when I go to bed. I go through the liset of stuff to be greatful for in my head. Then I also go through things I have achieved. So if I did the washing and vaccing or whatever, I acknowledge it. If I had a bad day with my crazy kids(today!) but manage it without yelling or losing the plot (I did today mostly!) then I take note. I'm still not really at the 'you did that today and it was really awesome' stage, but I'm trying. I still have issues with thinking of the things I didn't do or did terribly. But I guess it takes time.

[Chocaholic]

I'm still not really at the 'you did that today and it was really awesome' stage, but I'm trying. I still have issues with thinking of the things I didn't do or did terribly. But I guess it takes time.

I found it took me almost a year before I got into a really good head space but I just kept trying. Baby steps and it gradually gets better