O'conell family centre - Melbourne

[*EJ*]

I have been given a place for a residential stay next week to attempt to sort our DD sleeping issues, i was impressed on the phone so i'm hoping for a positive expereince for DD and I but was just wondering if anyone else has any tips on what to expect from them?

Strategies they use etc.

Thanks ladies

[OceanPrincess]

Hey EJ

I've done two jaunts at the O'Connell Centre - day stay with DD and residential with DS. We really liked it.

DD they basically told me I was on the right track, so I felt like it was a bit of a waste of time, but then with DS the residential was great. We checked in about 3pm. Had an interview type thing straight up with a nurse (I think they are all MWs... I'll call them nurses just to be generic...) to discuss the issues we were having and what I wanted to achieve during my time. We talked about his "routine", didn't really have one , then we talked about stratgies I could try. Each time she mentioned one, she'd let me say whether or not I was interested in trying it and then she wrote it all down.

So we agreed on the settling techniques that I wanted to try and then basically we put DS down and then that was it for a little while. I had a cuppa and waited for our first session. We only had one formal session while I was there - an overview of sleep, sleep cycles, etc etc. Oh and we introduced ourselves. There were maybe five other couples there when I was there.

They basically let you go with your normal day until you strike some sort of issue. They are always around, ready to help if you need, but they aren't "in your face" ITMS. So then it came to night time. DS was 10mths when we went and he was still feeing to sleep. When I mentioned that in my interview, the nurse said "Ok well we can stop that" and I told her that I wasn't interested in stopping that, and she said "Oh that's fine then.", which was nice. Anyway so I fed him to sleep, as per usual, and put him down.

Our issues usually occurred overnight - he would wake and not go back to sleep. For anything. So I trucked off to bed and then got up when he woke. By the time I got out of bed to his door, a nurse was already there listening. She gave me some support and said she'd be right there and I went in to try and settle him. I tried off and on for about an hour and the whole time the nurse was there encouraging me. After an hour she told me to give him a feed and he went to sleep. I went back to bed. About 4am we repeated the whole process. They have baby monitors everywhere so they are always right on top of it.

The next night was much the same but it was exactly what I needed - support, encouragement and someone to be there with me. I went home feeling like I had the strategies in place to deal with his night waking.

Negatives:
- I found the experience quite lonely. DH had to work and after being used to being home with DD and DS all day then DH at night, I was lonely and bored being there with just DS. DH came and had dinner with us but then went home and DD was with my ILs. I missed her like crazy.
- There wasn't much to do during the day. DS and I went for a few walks - it is a lovely area and they encourage you to get out and get fresh air, so we did that a bit, but I got bored, see above
- DS was at an awkward age. The centre has two wings - "baby" for under 12mths and "toddler" for over. At 10mths, DS was more like a toddler and would probably have been better suited in the older area. He was walking and I spent the whole time chasing him around trying to stop him banging on doors of sleeping babies, running into babies and generally getting in the way!
- The set up of the rooms can be a nightmare. We were lucky and didn't get put next to anyone else but some of the other mums reported that they were woken at night by other children - not their own!

Overall, I'd highly recommend it. They asked me what I wanted to feed DS and I said he was basically eating family foods as we'd done sort of BLS and they were very supportive.

If you can - ask for the room near the nurses' station, off the main eating area, on the walkway down to the other wing. That was the room I had and it was great - I had my own bathroom, no sharing, and we were apart from all the rest of the crying babies!

Good luck. Hope they can help you out.

ETA: they do NOT do control crying of any sort. They told me over and over to do what I felt comfortable with. If I agreed to try using "shh" and patting to settle him in the cot, then they would encourage me to try that. But if at any stage he got worked up, they told me it was ok to pick him up, if I wanted to. That I was his mum and I should listen to my instincts. I really appreciated that.

[MamaPan]

Wonderful ej - hope it's a big help..been thinking of you

[*EJ*]

Thanks OP. That's great and helps to know a little of what to expect. I spent one day at Koo Wee Rup with DS2 but know this will be obviously different again. I like it that you were able to speak to a nurse and what you want and didn't want was accepted. I spoke to QEC this morning and they basically said that i'd go and leave her to cry 5 min at a time and that was that. Not very reasuring or comforting at all.

I understand what you're saying about being bored but the thought of just DD and I for a few days is quite nice for me I might even get to open a book and read more than 1 page before my eyes shut.

Thanks so much i really appreciate your help.

[*EJ*]

Thanks MamaPan, it's been a process to get here but we're well and truely here now. I know this is what we need

[~Hestia~]

Good luck EJ, hope all goes well.

[wysiwyg]

Any thoughts on whether O'Connell would be any good for an 18 month old, who is not too bad overnight in general but is a nightmare to get to sleep at night (in day he has is one sleep after a feed fine and 3 days is in daycare and sleeps well for them) - but who is already in a bed (due to climbing issues) and shares with his sister (no other choice apart from back in with us) - DD is now on top bunk earlier than I would have liked but we had to put her out of his reach as he was just getting up and tormenting her (squirting her with water, trying to force feed her water, jumping on her, pointing out her nose etc etc).

A few people I have spoke to think wouldn't be much help as in not sure what they would tell us that don't do, and because he is in a bed and they share a room - but also because he is not actually that bad sleep wise in comparison with many people. We have the odd bad night (usually when he hasn't slept in day and just goes to sleep easy at night through exhaustion) but that is just usually two wake ups with the first one being awake for an hour or so - but in the main after eventually going to sleep at 9:00 ish he sleeps till 4:30 - 5:00 and then resettles with a feed ok till 6:30-7:00 depending on when DD gets up.

I may fingers crossed have a job soon, so DH thinks (probably because he will have to do more in terms of getting DS to sleep etc) we should look into whether would help or not.

He just won't stay still, so the whole leave for 30 seconds then reassure is no good because he is out of bed behind me before I am out the door, and he won't stay still to be patted, stroked, shhhhd basically until he decides he is ready which is around 8:30 - 9:30 but I can see he is tired much before then - and he just behaves like a maniac. When DH has had to put him to bed, he has just held him still until he gives in and goes to sleep but those nights his sleep is terrible overnight so not sure I should try replicate his approach.

[Santosha]

I found O'Connell generally fantastic - receptive to my ethic and willing to work within what I was comfortable with, whilst still providing a structured plan. They do however, do a fair bit of crying. It may be with you right there, holding your child's hand, or their ideal would be with you coming and going from the room, but there was certainly a whole lot of crying coming from most rooms whilst I was there. I wasn't up for crying... so we didn't really get far with settling but came away with a routine that helped.

My gut feeling is that they would tell you to get him back into a cot and then work with his reaction to that. I don't know what else they'd have to offer but I think they're certainly worth chatting to.

ETA - oh, and crossing fingers and toes that you get the job!

[*EJ*]

I'd call them and get on the waiting list for a phone interview, in doing that you can have a chat to them and figure out if they are what you need/they feel they can be of help. They provide more than just the sleep settling side of things and for children up to 4 years of age.

Be it like others or not it's an issue for your family and you are intitled to help just as any of us are. It does sound like a challenging process and definately not something you want to go through each night if you can help it.

I found them extremely supportive and caring to each individual and benefitted a huge amount from having a residential stay there.

Good luck

[wysiwyg]

Right will call them and see - I am not willing to go back to cot - he is a danger in there I would rather spend ages settling him than sat on tenterhooks in the lounge wondering if he is getting out. I could cope with him crying when I am there I think (there is crying and crying he already seems to have mastered the fake crying thing -learnt from DD no doubt) - he no longer seems to get upset about it all and just laughs in my face or tries to force feed me water!

[*EJ*]

He sounds like a gorgeously sprited little guy... What a cheeky little man xo

[wysiwyg]

He sounds like a gorgeously sprited little guy... What a cheeky little man xo

Yes must keep repeating "spirited" :-)

[Santosha]

Hmm, yet he remains with you when out.

Thinking about this again, i think I'm just assuming they'd suggest the cot again because he's so little. But if he can get out, then he's just like the older kiddles who do the same thing and they've got to have dealt with thousands of little people who don't stay in bed.

I hope they have some helpful tips for you and you get some peace in your evenings. xoxox

[wysiwyg]

Hmm, yet he remains with you when out.

Yep is because he likes me to witness his mischief - there is no fun in it when you can't torment your mum :-)