I made the decision a very long time ago to let DS wean when HE was ready.
So why last week, without even thinking about it, did I start telling him "boobies are for bedtime"?!
It just kind of, came out. Sure I'm a bit tired of being accosted every time I sit down for 3 seconds, and I'd like him to learn some manners, but I don't want him to wean!
So why am I doing it?
Especially since he's sick with a cold ATM.
Now I feel like I have to stick with it.
(DS seems fine with it, he has been asking, but only when I sit down at home, any other time he doesn't seem to think about it our need it. And if I say no, he goes on to something else fairly quickly.
His "output" was really low today, I offered him lots of water but he didn't want much.)
What the heck am I doing?
Why did I say "boobies are for bedtime"?
Why am I still saying it?
Perhaps you need a bit of space right now? Setting some boundaries for yourself is ok. You can still do that and continue to feed. It's one of the best things about continuing to feed through toddlerdom (and little appreciated since most mothers who feed in our society do not do so for long).
If you'd like him to ask nicely, then tell him so. It's not unreasonable - you probably don't offer him other foods or cuddles if he yells or accosts you in that sort of way, right? You can do this with love and understanding and it helps him to learn to interact with others with greater sensitivity.
My daughter got into the habit of pinching when she wanted milk. She's now signing milk and please. Much nicer. Unless she's really frantic, then she still pokes me sometimes, but that's not so bad as pinching.
Also, you're allowed to be flexible and change the rules as conditions change. that's ok. it's really up to you and what feels right at any given time.
I think sometimes even setting boundaries can help you feed longer as you will be less likely to just get over it all and make a snap decision.
I did similar towards the end of DD2's pregnancy with DD1 as my aversion was at an all time high and I just could not handle feeding all the time. I also made an attempt to night wean but as soon as there was tears I couldn't do it, in the end she started sleeping through a month before DD2 came along so at around 2yrs 9months and I was so glad I hadn't pushed it just that little bit earlier. She never seemed distressed with the limitations in the day so I felt completely comfortable doing so. I will add that when DD2 was born I went back to feeding on demand for a week or two because I knew it would be a difficult adjustment time having a new sister and sharing 'her' milk but after a few days of feeding everytime the baby did (which was actually quite good for bringing in my supply and assisting with engorgement) she happily dropped back to her usual morning and night feed.
It doesn't have to lead to weaning, DD1 has been having the 2 feeds for months and months. She still seems keen, every morning she comes to me and shows me 2 fingers and asks for her morning feed. Then before bed it is one finger and a feed off to sleep. Somedays she does still ask during the day, I imagine it is mostly because she sees DD2 feeding and is reminded but I just explain that she has teeth and DD2 does not so that is why DD2 has lots of milk because she can't have exciting things like DD1 has then she can pick something else to eat using her crunchy teeth like a carrot. No tears at all yet so figure she isn't traumatized!
DD1 is 3 now and no signs of stopping. We also implemented asking nicely too as we would with anything else she was asking for and as DD1 has speech difficulties we need to encourage the 'mmm' sound so any excuse!
I do ask him to speak nicely to me, and when asked he will, but it's like a ritual now, he whines at me, I say ask nicely please, he asks and he gets. I'm not sure how to break this habit. I'm not sure he'd understand if I just ignored the whining and I can't think of any other way. It drives me mad :/
He does it all the time too, it's not just booby related.
So it's ok to tell him "boobies are for bedtime" one day and not the next? I thought that'd be confusing.
You can tell him something like "Mum's boobs are very tired at the moment, you can have some at bedtime" - you don't have to make a hard-and-fast rule.
And anyway, most of your rules are going to change as he gets older (like going from "don't touch the microwave" to "do you want to help me cook" to "make your own lunch").
He needs to learn that you don't always get what you want - and that's a hard thing to learn! Distracting and keeping him busy helps - I never got asked for boobies when we were at the park, but if we were home and bored then it might be frequent.
It's also OK to change your mind about self weaning. I eventually found that feeding DS hurt, even when he tried to be gentle. My intention was to self wean, but it ended up being "sorry mate, your mouth is too strong and even when you try to be gentle you hurt Mum - it's not your fault, but you're now too big for boobies". There were no great dramas - though he still asks sometimes, 6 months later.
I think there is a difference between "weaning yourself" and "feeding whenever you want to".
It's a mutual journey - so your feelings matter too! When you're both sick and more housebound he will want more and more - so if you can get out for a walk or something it will make it easier.
The whinging then asking again thing.... hate that! DS still does it. drives me batty. he doesn't whine so much as yell directives. anyway, that's another matter.
H&Z, of course it's okay to change your mind one way or the other.
I'm also a believer that there's nothing wrong with being assertive while bfing a toddler/child. My DD1 was down to morning and night feeds and at 3 I cut out the night feed because she was using it as an excuse to delay bed time. Mucking around, taking forever, not seeming to 'enjoy' it the way she had before. Certainly not falling to sleep bfing at that point! (boohoo... that was too easy really). She sort of lost interest in the morning feed just before she turned four and went without it when she had a sleep over at family and we went away, and I discouraged her when she eventually asked. We were both ready and no whingeing.
I guess my point is that while I kept bfing her for as long as I could sense she wanted and needed it, I didn't mind putting my foot down a bit when it was affecting behaviour. And bfing manners are absolutely essential for toddler bfing!
Reply With Quotedon't have much personal experience to offer but I think you're doing a great job
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What the heck am I doing!?
anyway, that's another matter.
lol He's going to realise that he gets a better response by asking nicely, in the next week or so, isn't he?
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