I think I'm a better mother because I go to work

[FabFiona]

Following on from another thread about being a SAHM, it got me think about whether I could do it. I love my two sons very much. Watching them grow into little people has been a joy. I continually laugh at DS1 when he comes up with new words (the latest being 'no worries' in response to me saying 'thank you'). DS2 and his desire to leap out of my arms to turn on every light switch we pass cracks me up.

However, I'm not sure I could ever stay at home with them full time. Thinking about it, I could probably think of nothing worse for myself. I would get terribly snappy, feel very disorganised and just want to run away.

I like working part time. I like my job and think that it's very important. I like the adult time I get at work doing things seperate to my kids. It helps me keep my own sense of identity.

Time away from my children also helps me reflect on the type of parent I am and how I could do things differently (largely related to my eldest and his behaviour).

Working also helps me keep my career skills and contacts current. In politics, things move quickly and your knowledge and contacts can become redundant in no time.

Sure, me working helps our budget but we could get by without my wage. DH has a great job and earns decent money. We wouldn't starve.

I guess I wanted to put it out there that not everyone wants to be a stay at home mum. If anything, I think I respect stay at home mums more because I don't want to do it and am not sure I could do it and stay sane.

[*Efjay*]

I get what you are saying. I would love a regular me time thing to do. But I am a stay home mum due to my kids having special needs. Three are on the autism spectrum so while I'm a SAHM, I'm actually out every day lol. Between speech, ot, early intervention preschool sessions, psych appointments, pead visits... The only day I have left where I could put my 2 non school age kids into care if I wanted to do that is a Monday, but that would mean I miss out on play connect which is my time to catch up with other parents facing the same struggles as me. So for now, I am a busy SAHM. I am on the committee for the local autism support group though, that gives me a little bit of grown up stuff to do that isn't focused on my kids BUT helps them still in the long run.

Point being, I fully get where you are coming from, I'd be happy to just have a four Hour shift stacking shelves lol

[kelsbels]

I agree with every word. I know I'm a better mummy for working, I know I have far more patience after I've had a day at work.
I'm also blessed to only need to work part time but I wouldn't have it any other way

[PinkPalace]

i think it adds another aspect of me as person.
My daughter wakes up in the morning and asked me what i did at work last night, wants to know who i helped and why they were hurt.
i think it also shows them a different side of mummy and my values as well - if that makes sense.

Plus they love when they get to visit my work lol!

[skybie]

It's not for everyone, We all just do whats best for our families and if thats staying home full time, working full time/ part time, doesnt matter, our kids are loved and they love us no matter what

[Rowellen]

I agree with you too Fiona. Every bit of it, except the budget bit. We need my salary. But apart from that, I agree. I love my kids more than anything, but they get a better mum when I'm working. I'm not saying it's easy. It breaks my heart to leave my kids at daycare. Especially DD since she's still so little. I hate being so busy I can't find time to scratch myself. They do say the cutest things don't they! DS has started telling me off. "No touch MY xxx, Mummy!"

[Heaven]

It just shows how different everyone is doesn't it? I love to hear people confident with their decisions and knowing what's right for them. Good for you!

For me, I couldn't think of anything worse than working, I know I would hate it and be miserable. A SAHM is what I am meant to be

[LuluHB]

Its great to read that you've found the right balance for you and your family Fiona. I think that's what all of us should concentrate on - what suits US, not what "they" say is the right thing to do. In fact, whoever "they" are, they should just keep their opinions to themselves! Its such a shame that so much of the time there is no consideration given to the fact that we don't lose our individuality when we become a mother, and that we all have different personalities and need different things to keep us all happy, content and satisfied with life.

[*TripleJ*]

I'll be totally honest i would go crazy being at home all the time with them yes i love them but i got a job coz my mental health was at risk me and hubby take it in turns

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

so gald it works for you hun and well done on putting it out there.

[sloane]

It's not for everyone, We all just do whats best for our families and if thats staying home full time, working full time/ part time, doesnt matter, our kids are loved and they love us no matter what

I agree...doing what is best for your family may be different for different ppl but we're all striving to be the best parents we can be. Recognising what's important & what works for your family is awesome!!!

And i love the 'no worries' - so cute!

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[Nai]

I am another who while I loved being at home found that I really needed to work part-time to make me a better parent. I need to have time away from the home and the children to help me put things in perspective and deal with things in a more reasonable manner. Even when I have been at home I haven't managed to achieve all the things other SAHM's do which makes me feel a bit bad - I am just domestically challenged I think. It's not my natural environment

[~*familyof3*~]

While im not a working mum, i have been and ive also been a study mum. I just love that you posted this in such a lovely way not once ever making either kind of mum sound bad.
I have no issue with either a working mum or sahm i think your all pretty darn awesome!!

[Astrid]

Another one here who works and I do believe I am a better parent for it. I am really a crap SAHM and awful with all the housey stuff. I loved the idea of it when I was first pregnant, but the reality was different for me. I did not realise that I was better off for working until I actually was back in the work force.

We are in the position though were we do need me working, financially it was getting to hard with me a home. The stress of no money was not good for anyone in the family, the stress of having to juggle work and parenting is minor to that stress for us.

[Beautiful Disaster]

I struggle being home all the time. I liked going to work for a bit of adult conversation and to get out of the house.

[Miss E]

Great thread Fiona! I'm like you, working part time gives me the space and time I need to nurture my individuality, I just have never been able to explain it as eloquently as you just did.

Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my children and am especially enjoying being on maternity leave and being a SAHM again to DS2 right now. But, experience tells me that when the time comes for me to return to work it will be in the best interests of both myself and my children.

You know what they say - Happy mum = Happy kids.

[forshelby]

Wow, thank you for posting this. I've been reflecting a bit too after the previous thread. I was terrified of returning to work, and even moreso when it turned out to be a full time position. I thought I'd crumble under the added pressure. But no, quite the opposite. I actually like my job. I like getting out of the house. And I have far more patience and appreciate the little things a LOT more.

Working full time is a lot easier than I predicted. I miss my son terribly, but I HAVE to be here to fix our financial issues. So I might as well enjoy the positive aspects of it! Cause I sure don't have a choice, lol.

I feel that for me (and I can only speak in my own experience here) that working FT has enhanced my parenting skills.

[Shanti]

I love being a SAHM and love as much time with my kids as I can get! Yes we are all different and that's what makes the world go round.....

I think whether we stay home caring full time for kids or go to work each day or some days, we are ALL working hard ALL the time! There is and should be NO competition.