What to do with birthday money

[ss_storm]

DD's birthday is coming up again, and have had a couple of requests from family to provide them with bank details so they can transfer some money to buy something for her with (in lieu of them buying their own present and sending it).
Now, cash I have no problems just putting straight into DD's bank account, but I'm not sure which bank account info I should give them. DD's is a locked account, we can put money in it but not take any out unless both DF & I go into a branch and both sign for it (since she's had the account we've never taken money from it and hope we won't ever need to). So if I give them these account details, basically I won't be buying anything from them as they've kind of requested, and it will be her savings instead.
Or, do I give them mine or DF's account details then take out in cash what they've put in (otherwise it would just get absorbed into the account and used to pay bills or something) and find something to get her? She's already got heaps of pressies from us and doesn't really need anything else.

I guess it just feels different to me than getting cash in a card with no request as to what to do with it, instead it's "I'm going to transfer money to you and I want you to buy something for her with it". Would you then expect photos or something of what has been bought? I don't want anyone to get upset if I never actually buy anything with it..

[Liviam]

If anyone give my kids cash it is put into their bank accounts and I ask the person who gave it to them if I could put it in their bank accounts as there is really nothing that they need. I have had anyone complain or be offended. I am very upfront about it. I figure I've only got a few years before the kids are onto me and won't let me put it in their banks so I'm taking advantage of it now.

[Teeki]

Hmm, I don't really think they can tell you what to do with it. If the want her to have a gift, they can get her a gift. Just seems lazy to me.

So if it were me, I'd give them my own bank details (because I don't want them knowing hers) and then I'd transfer it straight to DD's account where it's not to be touched.

[Liviam]

Forgot to say that if a few people give them money I always take them shopping and let them buy something and the rest I put in the bank.

[briggsy's girl]

if DD is given money with an request that we buy her something, we always send a thankyou with info letting them know what we bought. if it's just cash, then we put it in the bank. if it's more money than we think is reasonable to spend on her, we may buy her something small and put the rest in her account

as an example - my bestie doesn't want to go shopping for little girl things - he has girls himself and they get excited and want to buy stuff he knows DD already has or that he deems tacky. he gave her $40 and told her to go and get something for herself. we took her shopping, and she found a pair of boots she wanted from Uncle D - so we got the boots (and she loves them!) and the rest got put in her account. i think we banked about $25 of it. win win. she can thank Uncle D for her awesome boots, and her savings account goes up

i understand the reasoning behind banking the money if she has everything - but if that's the case, sacrifice something that YOU planned on giving her, and make it from them - and then bank the money from yourselves kwim? if they want you to buy something, buy - and if you wanted to give her x amount worth of presents, bank some of that amount. in 15 years or whatever, she's only going to know mum and dad contributed to the account. she's not going to hit 18 and go and show her appreciation to everyone when she gets access to the funds - let them feel like they're giving her something now that she can use now kwim?

[Starfish]

I agree with BG - if she has everything, make something that you were going to give her from them.

My mother sometimes puts money in my account to buy things for DD. I buy her what she needs (she's at an age where she always needs something - new clothes, swimming lessons, etc), and then tell my mother what I bought.

[Jaycee]

Are they transferring money to you because they live too far away to come see her and give her a present? If that's the case, I think you should say to them that it's fine to transfer the money, but let me know what you want to buy her and you can get it. I think it's fair to do it that way, as they save on the postage costs etc.

Hope that makes sense, my brain is a bit fried from no sleep last night