Any Parenting Programs recommended, to help parent of a nearly six year old? please.

[Gigi]

hi,

i'm really struggling with bringing up my nearly six y o DD.

We're on a waitlist for her to see a clinical psychologist, over control issues. She's so angry about not living with her dad fulltime, she's acting out in different ways, and especially with refusing to eat.

i doubt i am handling things the best way, so tired of all the battles, i need to learn some positive ways of parenting, to replace the mess i'm making, of things now.

any ideas?

i did parenting courses when she was a toddler, need another older one now.

thanks

[Butterfly Dawn]

Have you got star charts going? they can help to get normal things under control again.
Will she help you to cook? sometimes cooking/ baking together can help them get interested in food again. Looking through recipe books with beautiful photos help us.
Sometimes when the kids are being monsters i do crazy stuff- like hop up and down randomly. Go turn on music and Dance. Stuff to snap them out of the rut.
Long walks and outside stuff are good to burn off excess energy they seem to always have.
Big hugs

Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes

[Gigi]

we make pizzas together (putting toppings on pita bread) but she is not interested in eating the pizzas.

the only thing she will willingly eat, that we can make, are all the "sometimes" foods (e.g muffins, cakes).

you're right, i need to do outside stuff with her. that always seems to get put in the too hard basket.

[Butterfly Dawn]

It often is hard the first couple of times but it gets easier, then it can double as a motivator- if you eat a good lunch then we will go outside etc.
Do platters interest her? some crackers, meat, vege, cheese.
You can sneak alot of good stuff into homemade muffins. Chocolate ones hide the most i find. I put brewers yeast into them and grated vege. Make them not too sweet but a little iceing goes along way. food isn't a battle u can win. 1 of mine is mega picky, if we push him he won't eat, so i nudge food his way. Leave magazines open at food pages, indoor picnics or tea parties. That kind stuff.

Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes

[LimeSlice]

You are an amazing Mother Gigi! I know you have been going through a rough patch with Bilbs lately, especially with the food.
Have you tried augmenting some of the "sometimes" foods she will eat? Making savoury muffins? Or sweet muffins with a healthier spin - like some vegan recipes, carrot cakes sweetened with apple puree, etc? You can use puree pumpkin or sweet potato to flavour them too, you can use wholewheat flours or nut meals in place of flour, and healthier oils in place of butter.
It isn't ideal, but for the time being it may help ease the tension a bit and give you some breathing room to take on some of her other challenging traits at the moment, itms.
Perhaps some more obscure foods that may look or taste like things she already knows and likes. Tofu, exotic fruits, home made chips from yams or sweet potatoes.
Do you have any space for growing your own veggies? Not masses, but a pot for tomatoes, or strawberries, zucchinis are easy to grow also. Perhaps having that connection with her food may help.
Will Bilby eat if she is at someone else's house, or someone else has prepared the food for her?

I don't have any ideas about parenting programmes or anything, sorry, there are some FB pages though like creative Parenting that may be able to help you with that. Maybe the PET book could help you? Or Positive Parenting.

Anyway, I hope you can find some answers and ideas that will work for you both and move past this to happier times. xxx

[Amity]

I did parent effectiveness training. It's a 27 hour course over 9 weeks.

It's quite expensive, but literally changed my life.

You may be able to get funding from somewhere to do it in your local area. It's amazing.

Best of luck. Ps what Bilby is doing is completely normal. Children often act out in these situations and pretty much the only thing they can control is food.

Hugs.

[BellyBelly]

Totally second Divvy - Parent Effectiveness Training. Gave me so many new tools, its not as frustrating as it used to be! They have a website, blog and FB page so you can get regular emails with tips and help, but if you can do the course, its brilliant. I have posted some articles in the forums in the routines/parenting programs section.

It always reminds me when my children are acting least lovable, they need love the most. They don't manipulate, they often play up for lack of attention - and when it's been pretty bad, my daughter has directly told me I don't play enough games with her. They usually just want you to interact with them more in some way. For my son its touch, hugs, cuddles etc and my daughter its activities. Its hard for her to understand how I feel with the pregnancy but its great that she can now vocalise more, by knowing what to ask and how to talk to children to open up, you can find all the answers.

[Tinks]

I did 123 magic through my local council. It helped me heaps.

[Livinthedream]

Gigi, I know how much you stress about food.
And TBH, I think it consumes your life amd it is affecting your relationship with Bilby.
What about serving her her sometimes foods with veges in them, choc mufins with carrot and zucchini grated into them?. DO NOT tell her about the veges.
I know that we all want to live in an ideal world where we raise well rounded eaters, but sometimes it is just impossible. Spend your $ on a really good quality kids vitamin and give it to her in a small glass of juice one a day
You can use xylitol as the sweetener in your food, it even has some health benefits without all of the blood sugar spikes that cane sugar does.
Do you think that part of her wanting to be with her dad so much is that she doesnt have to go to schook when she is with him. Maybe the bullying is affecting her worse than you think?
You are the most amazing mum, BUT YOU NEED TO STOP BLAMING YOURSELF for Bilbys issues, you just have an extremely finicky eater and you need to stop fighting that.
Hugs to you. xxxx