How to tell someone their perfume...

**Rosey** · July 22nd, 2012, 01:24 PM

How would you POLITELY tell your MIL her perfume is offensive and you would appreciate her not wearing it around our DD?

This stuff honestly makes my eyes sting and my throat feel funny. My poor DD would no doubt feel the same. It's all over DD's clothes once she holds her and I really worry its unhealthy for her to breathe in its that strong.

We've purchased her nice perfume in the hopes she will wear that instead but that didn't work.

I don't want to cause a fight as things are already tense... Would love your suggestions!

**~Trish~** · July 22nd, 2012, 01:34 PM

I have the same problem with my MIL! The house smells like her for days after she's left. When our babies were all newborns DH asked her not to wear perfume when coming to visit (it is THAT overwhelming). That was the only time we've asked and we just leave it now, we'd prefer not to make an ongoing issue about it. That's one battle we won't pick. Our kids cope fine with the smell and DH & I just have a whinge after she leaves lol!

**PollyA** · July 22nd, 2012, 01:35 PM

Choosing your battles is the key. I'd steer well clear of this one. It could only end badly.

**surprised** · July 22nd, 2012, 01:49 PM

No help sorry but I know exactly what you're talking about (although not MIL)! Looking forward to some pearls of wisdom here...

**Jaycee** · July 22nd, 2012, 02:06 PM

Sorry to say I don't think it's appropriate to tell her at all. She obviously likes it and I don't think it's fair to tell her it's offensive.

**maybebaby2012** · July 22nd, 2012, 02:13 PM

Choosing your battles is the key. I'd steer well clear of this one. It could only end badly.

Absolutely agree. If it was someone you had a good relationship with, you could probably just laugh it off. If the relationship is strained, it will come off as rude and nasty.

**myturn** · July 22nd, 2012, 02:27 PM

Absolutely agree. If it was someone you had a good relationship with, you could probably just laugh it off. If the relationship is strained, it will come off as rude and nasty.

sorry, I agree too... I know it's hard... but I think that unless you have a good relationship with someone, it's something you should avoid, and even then.... tread carefully!!

**peanutter** · July 22nd, 2012, 02:48 PM

Yup, pick your battles.

If I thought my bub was actually having a reaction to it (rash, breathing issues, sore eyes, etc) I'd say so and ask her to leave off the perfume for the time being, but if it was a preference thing, I'd leave well alone.

**Rosey** · July 22nd, 2012, 02:57 PM

Hhhhmmm yes... There isn't really a polite way of telling is there

**MummyNaomi** · July 22nd, 2012, 02:59 PM

yep, I used to hate it when MIL cuddled DS as he would reek of her perfume too, we will soon have the same problem when DD makes her arrival

I just always used to declare those days bath days so I could de-perfume him

**Rosey** · July 22nd, 2012, 03:05 PM

yep, I used to hate it when MIL cuddled DS as he would reek of her perfume too, we will soon have the same problem when DD makes her arrival

I just always used to declare those days bath days so I could de-perfume him

So frustrating isn't it. I literally change my clothes and DD's the minute they leave.

**briggsy's girl** · July 22nd, 2012, 03:46 PM

i don't think it's a battle you necessarily have to avoid all together - just have to be very careful how you approach it. i have had to do this with numerous people, and none have responded badly because of HOW i approached it

Generally, i've stated that i noticed i was getting more allergy flares during pregnancy (total truth - many smells, including my fave candles, started giving me killer headaches!), so i felt my own response was to blame, but pretty much all perfume was triggering it, and would they mind not wearing perfumes around me/bub. i cushioned it by putting the blame on MY sensitivities, and made it a blanket thing with no perfume at all, rather than one particular perfume being a problem. My mum was the only person to actually question me, cos she has worn the same perfume for ever - but i just said i thought i was reacting more as the perfume was ending up on bubs clothing and so i was being far more exposed. DD is now 3 and it's only recently that mum has started to overdose on perfume again, so i gave her a gentle reminder the other day about it

i'm lucky (in that it's not visible) that my main allergic response to strong perfumes is headaches, and very unlucky at the same time (migraine level pain is so much less bearable than sneezing! i was worried DD would react similarly, so that was an added reason, IMO, for me to ask the question.

i didn't have a single person argue or take offence or refuse to be around us after being asked nicely to not wear perfumes around DD.

**Eenee** · July 22nd, 2012, 03:50 PM

I have the same proplem with the hand wash mil uses it makes the kids and house stink after she has been not sure what the heck it is but it's gross!! I don't let DH use it when he goes there because not even a shower gets rid of the smell